With Every Breath My Life Is Changed,
With Every Puff Of Smoke Exhaled,
Life Is Easier On The Other Side,
Don't Be Afraid To Run And Hide,
The Pain And Fear Just Goes Away,
All Behind The Glossy Haze,
The Powers It Has Oh My,
Those Powers Do More Than Just Amaze Our Eyes,
I Found Myself And You Can Too,
Just Pick Up The Pipe And Don't Feel The Blue.

So I'll make my 1st guess, my 2nd and my 3rd
And they'll all be wrong or right
But this isn't Rumplestiltskin
Just grim
No fairies or happy endings,
Just tales.

So I'll make my 4th guess, my 5th and my 6th
And they'll all be wrong or right.
But there's no clarity to be had in being cowardly
Just underserved charity
And that case just doesn't suit me.

So I'll make my 7th guess, my 8th and my 9th,
And I might just have had enough to make the call.
So send me down the direct line
The blunt knife may cut deep
But at least it won't chip away at me endlessly like the nth degree, the not knowing...

Yo Jaco, are you high?
The ****** Gods be trippin'.
***** be drippin'.

Sometimes, I think
I could have been that girl
At first I thought I could have been the popular, pretty, pretentious
…                                                    ­        
I could be the centre
I walk past you and you could envy me;
I’m the one on the corner – the grey mouse

But as a grey mouse,
I think my perspectives have changed
I think I can see the faint contours of truth
Now

I was always an unusual girl
Given the circumstances;
I should have broken down
Long, long ago
If I had believed in fate -
My aspiration date was due
long, long ago

And I
could have been

I could have been the girl who stormed out of the classroom, crying
I could have been the girl aching every day; every minute
But my sickness had holidays
I could have been the girl crying herself to sleep, every night
I could have been the girl making red art on her arms
I could have been the thin girl
I could have been the girl crunched over the toilet-seat

I could be the saddest face you have ever seen
But hope is my great illusion and my illusions
are sometimes better than life

So, I created another world for myself
to live in
So, I sold my soul for this
So, I gave up everything
But I lost nothing

When the sun sets
I’m still here

When the sun goes up,
I’m still here

An apple is still an apple,
even if it’s
eaten up;
Even if it’s rotten

A human is still a human being
with one less limb
But now the human is less of a human
You see,
there’s a scale
you can’t see
Step on the scale
Step off

I’m still me –
Even now
One less dream
One more forged smile

Sometimes, I think I could have been so much more
I think I could have been whole
Maybe
If I was allowed to break down and cry
If I was allowed
to be
honest

To be that girl, a little while
Maybe I too -
Could be saved
?

**25.06.14