Normally after being cheated on
I should feel betrayed
You should be feeling guilty
Instead you’re making me feel guilt
Because in your distance you couldn’t see me trying
It shouldn’t be this way
We should be working together
Instead I feel guilty
Because you felt the need to cheat
And you’re feeling betrayed because in your 7000 miles
I couldn’t show you how hard I’m trying

Desperate times like this call for a distraction.
Feeling wanted and craving some attention.
There's always a price to pay without an education, in the art of seclusion.  
Laying on the couch as he gazed upon me.
Taking in the sight, to his delight
he found me charming.

He told me, "I'm a fighter. I'm a queen."
That he found me particularly fascinating.
"We're not so different you and me,
Which makes you superior when compared to anything."
I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Wondering why his smile made me feel so sickening.

I'd be crying as he took me in his arms.
Made me believe he truly meant no harm.
He held me tightly and he muttered,
"If you get any older maybe we could move past heavy petting.
You can't gain experience without experimenting. "

He told me, "I was pretty
And around pretty things don't mind if I get a little touchy feely.
Younger girls fall so very easy. Just don't gain any unwanted feelings,
without them I can still make you feel amazing."
Once again I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Unknowingly risking everything.
I felt like nothing when compared to anything.

He'd pull me closer as I started shaking.
Assured me that'd he'd never hurt me and there was no need to be afraid.
He made me feel uncomfortable rather than amazing.
Turns out his words meant nothing.
Still sitting frightened in his lap.
My need for comfort had enticed him so much one day when he just snapped.
And me feeling guilty for doing so, I Innocently asked,
Craving comfort and security, how was I supposed to know?
I'm sorry, that really wasn't my intention.  

He started smirking as he said,
"You really like attention.
Your teasing doesn't pay the bill.
One day you won't be able to shut me out.
And those doors won't stop me from getting in.
Is that so difficult to comprehend?", he threatened.

I was a token of your humor.
I was your stupid little fool.
I was nothing but your prisoner.
I meant absolutely nothing at all to you.
I was stuck within your sheets.
Unable to move forward.
There was nowhere else to fall.
As I was screaming silently, you made me realize
the meaning of nothing meant me.

If I had known all along, that I was backed against the wall,
I would have never wrote this poem.
And I would have fought harder than just screaming, that this feels wrong I think we should stop.

My heart breaks for you,
More than it breaks for me,
That’s saying something, my dear.
The past is in the past.
Nothing ever lasts.
The future can help us see clear.
Sorry about the black sheep.
But even the whitest aren’t completely white.
I remember when we used to go caroling
It hasn’t snowed since.
Good thing I travel light.
I wonder,
Will things ever be as they were?
If it makes it easier put the blame on me.
I’ve already lost my dignity.
I worry about what goes on,
When the lights at the house aren’t on?
Pretending everything’s okay when it isn’t.
How many ways can you twist a story?
The truth may never be revealed.
Can’t travel back in time.
Maybe it’s better this way.
If you know me so well,
Why do you not believe in me?
Please I already lost everything.
Don’t need your sympathy.
Please come back to me.

All the old familiar places.
Not everyone is as ugly as you.
Keep your legs crossed so that he won’t cross yah.
To breathe through this tainted air I need an oxygen tank.
A dog without a leash is like a cat with its claws,
When untamed. I was only nineteen.
Still got cuts on my knees. I left my courage where you left me.
Unleash the dogs on me.
Someone refrain me. I’m going to blow my cover.
Secrets aren’t meant to be kept locked away forever.
Outside it’s sunny, but in my heart it’s raining pianos.
Never will I feel sunny again. That goes without saying.
Here comes the thunder…
Running from my demons. They dare me to dance.
Why should I dance for you? I’m not your dancing girl.
Mothers, daughters, fathers, brothers, the apple falls further than you think.
I kept praying to myself to one day leave this place.
I blame you for my insecurities.
If only I could sell you out to the captain,
I’d be happy to sink your precious ship.
I know what’s hidden behind that sickening smile.
The jokes on you, I’ll never be yours to call your own.
Here comes the thunder.

Thought I’d be stuck here forever.
Don’t need to live in fear anymore.
There’s been a change in the weather.
The choir’s singing in my honor.
I’m happy to leave here.
There’s so much more to explore…
Time to wash away all the fears of yesterday.
I’ve had enough of your black rain.
Don’t let the past ruin today.
Time to free myself from all the pain.
I’ve come such a long way.
There is a life out there beyond the valley of tears,
There must be…
I’m going to change my name, change my hair,
And untangle you from me.
Picking up the pieces of the mess you made of me.
The darkness still surrounds me,
But I pray one day ill rise above it all…
Around this time next year I’ll have nothing but my shame.
The flame may be gone but the fire still remains.
I pray that one day ill rise above it all…
There is a life out there beyond the valley of tears,
There must be…

All she had left was her strength.
Searching for the key to happiness.
Is it possible to just have a key made?
Stranded in the castle of thieves.
Her tower was her birdcage.
The martyr to the pigeons,
Sacrificing her wings.
He took away her freedom.
God is my judge.
God is your judge.
He judges us all.
Am I More than a commodity?
More than a slave to the king.
How many casualties are left?
Will I ever feel the joys of spring again?
Brace yourself, time to take off the mask.
It’s only fair that we reveal only what needs to be.
It’s not an easy task. Is she safe?
She knows what she needs to do, but it’s easier said than done.
Has the battle ended? Has he really won?

Her laughs sweeter than sugar.
Dancing around the room in circles,
Until she gets dizzy and can’t stand no more.
Her smile was contagious.
Too bad life happened,
And that smile had seen its last days.
She had no choice left but to be courageous.
The years went by so fast,
But really she’s still a baby girl.
She doesn’t sing and dance anymore.
Every morning she has a war with herself to just get out of bed.
Cause they don’t come around anymore,
So they may as well be dead.
I remember my father used to say,
Can’t get his words out my head.
He said, “Knowledge is power”,
The problem with that is the more you know, the less you really want to know.
Underneath it all she’s still in longing.
This world is so infectious,
When it comes to chaos and evil.
I want to slay the dragon,
But I seemed to have dropped my weapon.
It’s there but it’s missing.
You call it a mercy killing for killing my innocence.
You got a sick way of looking at things, darling.
I get to live to see another day to tell my tragic tale.
But underneath it all I’m weeping for my precious baby girl…
Hollering at the wind, hoping to slow it down.
I don’t know where I begin, or where I’m supposed to end.
There are so many unwritten pages to my story,
So why should it end here?
What would mother say?
If this was back in the day.
Nothing is meant to be easy.

God didn’t put any promises in the promise land.
Forgotten how to dream my own dream.
Your words have a bitter aftertaste.
With you was where my dreams end.
Underneath it all she’s still crawling.
**** out the poison slowly, not all at once.
I want to slay the dragon, but I seemed to have lost my weapon.
You call it a mercy killing for killing my innocence.
You got a sick way of looking at things, darling.
I get to live another day to tell my tragic tale.
But underneath it all I’m weeping for my                            
Precious baby girl.

Forever shall the Lamb in me stay mad at the wolf in you.

Everything was  fine.....
Until you came.