I think what hurts the most
is that you are so deserving of love
and I wanted nothing more than to give it to you.

But you did not want it from me...Why?
It is in that moment, I am 8 years old again, and I am shouting

//WHY NOT ME?! WHY WAS I NOT ENOUGH?!//

I have so much love for you that it makes me ache.
It makes me angry. It traps me like an animal in a cage.

Why don't you want it?
Was I too willing?
Too honest?
Or fundamentally, am I just not enough?

Has this all just been a reminder that no one really wants my love? That they settle, if only temporarily, until someone better comes along and they no longer need this placeholder.

How was it so simple and so easy to pretend?
Sure, you never said the words, but your lips pressed against my forehead - your fingers interlocked with mine - we shared sorrows and dreams -
//WE WALKED YOUR CHILDHOOD NEIGHBORHOOD//

How can it be true that it was nothing?
How am I supposed to just forget and accept it?
How could you know me so intimately yet care so little?
How could you?

//OR MAYBE THE REAL QUESTION IS//

How am I still so dispensable after all this time?

We built a wall of memories
Perfect picture painted symphonies
A tapestry of two written in the melody
That seemed to sing softly in my ears

In the cold world
You made a refuge in the dark
I could stay awake just to feel you breathe
To hear that comforting tune you play

You let me hear
The beauty in the harmony
Then sung sweet promises
That made me believe, in destiny

Now all that's left is woeful silence
The beautiful song that my heart chased
Just seemed to fade away
Gone into the midnight like a castaway

When you left me in the darkness
I didn't have the words to say
Nor did I have the things to feel

Now I hear sirens sing for me
A cold hollow call
Discordant in their misery
When you left me underneath

You were also
promising in the
beginning
like political parties,
But as the time passed
the reality unfolded,

Power corrupts them,
But to you, my love, my love
corrupted!

Words cut thru swords
Spreading far like wildfires
I am here standing in dire

Dive deeper so you'll discover
but I won't meet you there
Back on land