It's being around people;
And being all alone.
Everyone is together and happy,
There's loudness of the words and fun they have.
In a way I wanted to be alone,
But I also wanted to stay and see.
It's standing in a room watching life and it's happenings
Without being involved.
Together with people is to be alone
(When your few friends aren't around).
By yourself you're stuck wanting
To be with someone now.
But there's too many memories,
They fill too much of the space.
I look to the distance and can see them replay,
Just like how they say you can have out of body experiences.
I was more than happy;
Even when I could be sad.
These times fill my heart with passion,
Just in order to break it truly apart.
It's like everywhere I go,
I see them and what we did.
I seem to see the thoughts and the feelings,
But that's if I ever really did.
Today I endured an hour of memory replay,
Was asked if I was okay twise,
Then went home not knowing my thoughts or emotions
Being wound up in confusion for at least three hours straight.
I don't know how to deal with this,
When I've already hated one fake friend so much.
Now it seems it's all been used up.
I can't have my thoughts in the same way,
Because they were not meant to end like the last.
If it was as good as we thought it was,
None of us would let it get this bad,
If what happened didn't;
We could've tried to fix anything.
Anything else.
But we didn't let it get this bad.
To my real friend in this: you have done no wrong.
It was all of the others.
They somehow did this,
But to say this before would have sounded and felt so wrong.
Time heals does it?
I guess we'll have to wait and see,
However as of the last time,
Time and distance still doesn't seem to be working for me.
I still hopelessly hope to wake up,
And let it all be a horrible dream.
Call me melodramatic I don't care, I understand so no one else really needs to.
