A hard reset
Just turn it off
and on again

A reboot
Control, alt, delete
and then the task manager

A factory restore
A blank screen
a fresh start

Tabula rasa
The clean slate
is a myth

We come in to the world wailing
Live wailing, or wanting to wail
and then the death rattle

Yet, in a world of robots
Fluorescence and computers
we long for that factory reset

The great do-over doesn't come
The ability to create anew arrives every moment
We choose it or we don't

Control, alt, delete
Should be
Surrender, function, create

Clean my cache
Delete my history
surrendering to the mystery

This human doing needs a reboot
An upgrade, if you will
to being a human being

Why do we sit?
"Om" she chanted, the spritely tween she was.
Oh, the sovereingty of those at peace?
"sure" her older sibling said.
Why do we sit to look within? Does it make us strong?
What else makes us powerful?
Speaking, acting.
Does thinking make us powerful.
yes.
Does thinking, speaking, and acting create a lot of unrest?
It can.
Thus, we stop thinking, stop speaking, and stop acting.
"Isn't that what sleep is for?"
Yes. Do you sometimes dream in sleep?
yes.
Sitting in meditation, no thought, voice, or act, induces a dream state, but you are awake.
Do you like sometimes the feeling of dreams? yes?
This ecstasy one feels in a good dream is the same as in meditation.
But to see visions and have feelings like in a dream is only a biproduct of meditation.
So why do we meditate? "?"
TO go beyond, beyond acting, speaking, thinking, even beyond feeling and seeing.
This beyond can only be experienced for oneself.
It comes in many forms.
What is central to it is that you exist before it,
and you exist after it, but after you experience
it, you feel like a new you, a truly awakened you.

Anew
is not to wipe the embarrassing stains of the past
anew is to take them with you
wave them like a flag
wear them as a reminder of your former self
a new beginning
is often wrapped in the rags of an old ending

the moon was full and bright
the clouds hung low and close to each other
akin to marble, rippling,
filtering the luminous glow from the night

a slight chill in the air
the noises of society, here and there, now and then
piercing the raw, beautiful silence
and the serene, presence of being

a reminder that life is moving all around us
even in those moments most quiet
even if we are not ready or capable
even if we feel lost and empty and alone.

it still flows and goes its own way at its own pace
we must listen and feel every bit of it
we must flow and ride the waves
even when they are crashing and we go under.

Something said is not always something felt.
You learn that the hard way.
Time does not always heal old wounds,
it opens them so they are gaping
and it swallows everything.
Processing is still ongoing, in the middle
or maybe closer to the beginning.
New dissonance arrives and clogs up the line.
There is too much in your head at this time.
Incapable and unable to properly deal,
you are emotionally unavailable and unwilling.
You would rather be alone than be here.
You don't feel what you should feel.
You don't act in the way you feel you should and you have in the past.
You feel uncomfortable.  
So you let me go because you have work to do.
And I cannot wait for you to love me in the way I should be.

Always wait 'till it's gone
Always blind even when taught
Always deaf even when sought

Only looking back at what was
Only pilling bricks on my walls
Only gulping bile in my rue

Coulda had, coulda got
Coulda grabbed, coulda talked
Coulda laughed, coulda loved

Emptied comforts, emptied joys
Emptied rooms, emptied possibilities
Emptied mind, numb false serenity

Only broke up by
Intense flashes of
Sanity.
Disgust.