sadness has been eating me alive
since before i can
remember —
i was bathed in a blue tub
on a yellow table .
as mom smiled and i laughed ,
and
i remember
nights
i was loved ,
but
sunlight still seemed to stream on
brown carpet
or on black and white tiled floor,
as
i grew up , or
it rained ///
and
i remember
each
and every
girl ive been,
crying red
and blue .
always ;
i looked at all our toys ,
high up on our mantel
in yellows, blacks,
and
pinks:
i have grown
and yet ;
i remember
there was
me
.
im falling apart, i want to write so desperately
