I had just settled in for a nice hot soak.
I slid into the bubbles and opened my coke.
when what to my wondering ears did I hear
but a small playful voice drawing near.

When around the door I saw him appear
I knew in a moment that it was my Dear.
Quickly he approached me only to say
The kids have poopies and need changed straight away.

He stood there smiling with his eyebrow raised
I laughed and sat completely unfazed.
The moments between us were quiet and tense
I was waiting to see what was his defense

It felt like forever but only seconds had passed
When I knew that I would have to get out of my bath
Slowly I stood, shivering and cold
Wanting to put him in a choke hold

I climbed the stairs, naked and wet
Knowing this night, I will never forget.
The morale of the story lies herein
Check on the kids before I begin.

The house was quiet,
kid and spouse asleep.
I lit one candle,
a vanilla scent,
melting onto a pickle jar lid.

Moved the toys
Except of course
the squeaky yellow duck.

I filled the tub like a child.
Is there such a thing
as too many bubbles?
I sunk into the scalding bliss,
an ****** for the heart.

I soaked and sighed and giggled,
took a picture of foamy long legs,
and my toes painted red.

A perfect end
to a seemingly unending night

It's like discovering a ****** island,
inhabited by people who you thought never exist.
It's like finding a city buried by time,
hidden away from present tense.

A busker in front of the Abbey sings
"There must be some way outta here",
and every step I take along the glorious church,
every breath of a air I taste standing on Pulteney Bridge,
every second of the peaceful silence my soul fills up with
tells me
that there's no way out of here.

*28.08.2016

I wonder how many times you have climbed into a tub and thought,
"Wow maybe I could drown in hopes of escaping my life."
I dont know how many of you have thought that but let's just say a few.
One: I step into the tub with my left foot and the water is immensely warm.
Downing pills couldn't be that bad right now.
Maybe I could grab the bottle without anybody noticing.
I wonder if I could make my own concoction of medicine would suffice.
Concoction is a funny word.
Two: I step in with my right foot and everything is tingling from the heat.
If I charge my phone from the plug over there by the sink,
Could I electrocute myself?
I wonder how bad electrocution hurts.
Deep fried food would be nice right now.
Three: I sink into the tub and pull my knees to my chest.
if I lay back now and fight myself from breathing,
Could I do it?
I wonder how long it takes somebody to drown themselves in a tub while fighting their instinct to survive.
I could adapt and grow gills.
Four: I lay back into my tub and watch the water rise.
The water is warm and my body is heavy.
I can't **** myself because my headstone will be something sad,
My funeral will play music I'll hate listening to as a ghost,
People I don't even know will show up.
What if my ex shows up?
Five: I sink lower into the water until I can no longer hear clearly and it tickles the side of my eyes.
What's the point in breathing.
Breathing is so weird.
Why do I have to maintain a body that's going to die anyways?
I wonder what dying feels like.
Six: I've been in here for an hour. Maybe I should get out.
This water has turned mildly lukewarm.
I'd like to stay but I'm getting kinda cold and I like the warmth.
Could I just empty half and add more hot water?
I am sitting in a pool of my own dirt.
Great.
Seven: I'm climbing out while simultaneously pulling the stopper.
Theres so many different ways to say that you or somebody is dying;
Kick the bucket.
Pull the plug.
One foot in the grave.
Bite the dust.
Croak.
Some of them are kinda funny.
Eight: Realizing that I love baths but hate the thoughts that come with the quiet bathroom.
I'm exhausted.
The mental kind of exhausted.
Can I stop now?
Can I just lay down and close my eyes?
My anxiety is overworking me.
Nine: I open my door with a stiff towel and a cold room.
I love the quiet but the quiet kills.
I love my mind yet the way it works is poisonous to me.
Ten: Nothing.
Sitting.
Alone.
In my empty bedroom.