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Zhanara 6h
If you respect me
I will take you the MOON.
If you disrespect me.
I will hate myself,
06.03.2025
my eyes do not follow muscle memory the way my head sinks into your arms. soon sunrise will be the first witness to your departure, leaving the silk aching in the cold. i wake with all the familiar feelings at once - alone again, as clockwork resets itself.

so you told me to count sheep in my head, on my count:
"count...
count how many sleepless sighs we have exhaled in a week.
count...
count how many sleepy mornings we have taken for granted.
when you are taking count,
have we made it count?"
Grey 5d
"Ill do that" she said

She was so always eager to please

But then quick to anger

"No worries I'll fix it"
She always said

In return she got a warm smile

"I'll babysit for the coming years"she said

"I'll be a listening ear" she said

"What do you need help with " she said

"Have you eaten " she said

"You sick we need a doctor" she said

Then her cup got empty

She couldn't pour anymore

Yet she felt guilty that
she couldn't give,

That she blamed them for it

Her path became thorny

In return she tortured herself

Became her worst nightmare

And then she met him

He promised her love beyond this realm

That she was the purest soul he has met

What she was,still is ,is a torture device designed specifically for her

She should be validated

And he would make her understand that

He became he refill

A therapist she could divulge her secrets to

But she forgot he was human

She forgot her touch was sinister

She tainted him too

And he threw that to her face

And she couldn't blame him,or them  for that

Because there is always more to the story

She might be her author

But what she paints,what she writes

Would never be the full story

Because even she alternates between being a victim in her story

But what stays more constant is she must be the villian in this story
Zhanara Feb 24
Whose heart is broken
Who love me?
25.02.2025
Q Feb 13
Thinking and writing
and writing about thinking
While sitting and thinking  
And thinking while sitting
about the feelings
(I feel)
when sinking in the seeking.
Archer Feb 13
So you ****** up,
he spoke up. He shrugged as if it were no big
deal, but really it was; it was a huge deal.
No big deal,
his face betrayed his tone.

Uhm? No- really it is, it’s a huge deal,
I protested.

Okay, bud, take a breath…
He threw me a sheepish smile
That I pathetically fumbled.

‘Take a breath’?
I echoed with a scoff.
‘Take a breath’?!
I grabbed a hand full of my hair with each arm and squatted on the concrete.
First you said ‘the worst she can say is: no’;
and now you tell me to ‘take a breath’?
I tucked my head between my knees
and stared at the white paint
that had begun to fade off the parking lot.

Well, yeah. I, you know,
he chuckled.
I was certain he was doing that stupid thing,
where he scratched the back of his neck,
even if I couldn’t see it.

No,
I groaned,
You don’t know.

Okay, this is embarrassing… Get the hell up,” he crouched down and yanked us both up by my wrists.

Is everything you say a lie?
I took a long and dramatic drag on the word “lie”,
pulling my arms away from his grasp.

So she called you a b#tchless, d#ckless, f#ggot who would die such a big ****** that your wiener would invert at even the
slightest touch of a woman,
no big deal,
he repeated once more.
All he got in response was another groan.
He leaned against his Toyota before trying to remedy the situation,
I mean, you know, who hasn’t been called a-

I really don’t need to hear you to say it again.

He chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “Right, sorry. Probably not helping, huh?

Yeah, no.

For some reason,
this kid just did not know when to
shut up.
Well, I, you know there are plenty of other fish in the sea, right?

Yeah, but no angel fish wants to go out with a sea urchin!
I gestured to myself before pressing my stomach against his car.
We’d been at school far too long after the bell.
I was sure some of the teachers suspected we were doing crack,
or something.

I,
he started, looking to me at his side.
He stepped off his car and
opened the passenger side door for me.
Then, I guess you just gotta find
another sea urchin.
Autisma Feb 3
What author ever brought stigma
To the metal meat of argumentation
Based on green fly baking pies
With themselves in them

The steady guillotine raises the mundane
To the the top of the pops
As Capricorn is still seen as the leading star sign/

Boombox tarries the accolhaud of prim, caught
Out of the corner of the eye
smoking signs

While vampires need to throw their teeth into art
Where they discover black chalk
And as my mum says ' some pregnant women crave eating coal'
And Become narcissistic mothers.

In the rudeness of the magic however,
There is a burst of both lazy
Equally inspired
But with the correct resources never aggravated tapestry.
As the galaxy sighs.
This poem is about the complexities of life, and how it can be confusing when everything is seen as a competition, for example capricorns are often seen as competitive. Or on status. It is also about the lack of true creativity, eg there's no room for poetry then.

Ending with a rather sarcastic yet paradoxical - the galaxy sighs
Archer Feb 1
The solider’s ‘sorry’s
A writers cries
Drown the world in tears
Fear fills our hearts
The apology buried in fires
Archer Jan 31
Blank pages
Scattered brain
Even greater scattered words
Slurry falls out of my skull, into my mouth
Like tumbled rocks
Schrödinger’s paragraphs
Both written and not
Until I decide to sit down
Pen in hand
Pencil in hand
Paper staring
Blankly
Eyes staring
Blankly
Scattered brain
Even greater scattered words
And thoughts
Zhanara Jan 28
Love comes ONCE
Just
With pain.
28.01.2025
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