As the days heated up and the weather turned warmer..
We found ourselves and discovered the world was ****
I talked you listened..
You made me think of things I never thought of before.
I realized the things family did in the name of love was wrong
We talked about religion, and how things should be yet they weren't
We talked about the future and our lives that were yet to be.
Past loves, heartbreak, and fun were always welcome
You told me I wasn't an ******* or a bad person
Even though you were good cop, and I (all things considered) was bad cop.
For the first time I had a best friend
The kind they write movies about.
The kind in the stories that stick with the protagonist through it all
This novel was a tragedy though.
You ended up going away, through taking your life
And now I'm here - wondering where you went
Why you left
Why I hadn't seen the signs
And why in my own beast of a sadness
thought you were my friend out of pity (and so ignored those texts)
And what could have been had you, had we, continued.
Should I have been worried when you told me about the gun?
Or when you had that sad expression (the same as mine) on your face?
I should have sensed you thought the same morbid thoughts as I
That we may fly away on higher wings to another place to avoid this wretched life.
It's up to me to be good cop now but that was your role wasn't it?
On the day the earth swallowed you and we lay flowers on you, your mom asked why I hadn't talked to you.
She thought my words could've soothed your soul enough that we would have made it through.
The thoughts don't stop. And that particular one acts like a plague on my mind.
One that is shoved into me as a diseased hand of depression grips my skull.
I'm lonely without you.
To my best friend. I miss you.
Tell me there's more than this
Because god I feel so stuck now.
The stars are bright
Then they dim in the night
Gift me with those eyes
Eyes that seek a purpose.
Life shouldn't be being stuck
In the frames of decisions and consciousness.
This isn't it. This isn't what I wanted.
Let me choose my own heaven and hell.
Let me dig my own grave.
Because these ruts and paths to nowhere are all I got.
And is nothing all it's chalked up to be?
You got me wondering
These nights where I stay in the hidden place.
Or those days infinity found us.
Just remember those days you say.
The truth is I can't remember one particular thing about them.
Try to grasp onto any fleeting feelings.
I'm trying to catch a ghost.
Let these feelings wash over me.
Let me bask in my glory
Or frown in my unhappiness
And yet I silently scream.
Unable to express what I feel
Because the people who need to hear are deaf to me
And try as I might nothing can change a heart that's set in stone
Once upon a time
There lived a king and queen.
The king was lively and kind
The queen in all her beauty was gracious and refined
Yet were things perfect at the palace.
Beneath it's exterior unrest stirred
For under all his kind words was a scheming mind.
And his hospitality was hostility for those he deemed a threat
The queen was shallow
Her vivacity was corrupted by greed
Her lust for life itself knew no bounds
Was there ever a more perfect pair?
I thought we had wings;
Like a dangerous cocktail of angel and demon.
We were cast out of heaven
Fragile in our mortality
Now we are at the summit of our sorrows
Can we fly with no wings?
Maybe it's where my head's at
But I've been interpreting things weird.
Things are not as they seem.
The thoughts reappear and disappear
Not at will
Not at will
What does that mean?
My head's not where it's at
It's drowning in strange thoughts
then down the rabbit hole
You bruise my hips.
Lips tongue and skin collide.
Our skeletons dance together,
As the smoke of a cigarette
Clouds up the room.
Secrets between lovers
Shall never die.
You say you're a god
an Adonis some might say
Why then do you lie in multicolor?
Kiss me, touch me, **** me,
All you ever did was hurt me
If you're a god
Why then did you decide to curse this mortal?