if only you knew all the nights i spent hating myself
for thinking of him while i was with you
if only you knew i barely ate for days
because i couldn't understand why i felt empty every time we kissed
if only you knew the endless apology letters i had written
because i couldn't forgive myself for hurting you
until this day, i still can't

how could you think i never cared
how could you think i never tried
how could you think i purposely had ill intentions
how could you think of me this way,
when all i ever did was **** myself for you
but a million "i'm sorry's" will never repair the damage i've caused