Its one in the morning As I lay here in my bed
Wishing you could just see the thoughts that go through my head
While trying to ignore the fact that I have once again been crying
All because I can feel that whatever we are is dying

There is a heavy weight in my chest
And I'm dreading having to get up in a few hours in order to get dressed.
But I'll say nothing about how I feel
Until we get to share another meal because that was the deal.

Here I lay, alone at night,
Anxiety high, fear takes flight.
Perhaps I’m broken, beyond repair,
Alone with feelings I cannot share.
You’re at home, wrapped in peace,
While I’m trapped where my thoughts won’t cease.
Am I enough? Why not me?
Am I unworthy of love, truly?
What’s so wrong that I can’t let go,
Around in circles my mind will go.

Here I sit, alone once more,
TV humming, light faint and poor.
Maybe tonight I’ll drown it out,
But doubt creeps in, circling about.
Hour after hour, the ache won’t wane,
Devoured by this endless pain.
I’m not enough, I’m overweight,
I’m stupid, worthless, it’s all my fate.
Alone—I was made for this solitude,
Yet I didn’t have to be, if it weren’t for you.
While you sleep soundly, your heart at ease,
I’m here fighting the storm I can’t appease.
You’ll text in the morning, as if nothing’s wrong,
“How was your sleep?” as the night feels so long.

“I can’t yet,” you say, “It’s not the right time.”
“I love you, you’re mine,” yet doubt still climbs.
These words you speak, they circle my brain,
Leading me deeper into this darkened terrain.
When I’ll emerge, I cannot say,
The weight of your love leads me astray.

I love you, too, but I’m left to wonder—
Do you truly love me, or am I just under
The spell of your words, the hope I create,
When all I feel is this lingering ache?
If you did, wouldn’t you be here now?
Wouldn’t you find a way, somehow?
I know you have obligations, I get it—I do,
But doesn’t love find a way to push through?
You say she needs you—fine, I can see,
But why must it always be her, never me?

You say you don’t love her, so make it clear,
If that’s the truth, then why aren’t you near?
“It’s not finances, not her, not you,”
Then my mind concludes—it’s just me, isn’t it true?
So tell me now, set me free,
From this deep dark spiral of uncertainty.

Anxiety and Fear

Looks like you’re holding a snow globe so intricate and sweet.
Once shaken, the snow starts falling in big sheets.

For this fragile snow globe is not ever really clear.
When it’s shaken and shaken again, then comes the fear.

You can’t see inside to the beautiful scene.
You start to panic; will the view ever be clean?

You keep shaking the snow globe harder and harder, and then,
The questions and anxiety creep right on in.

Will I ever get to see into this beautiful globe?
Why is it so hard to see through the snow?

Why is it like this, what did I do this time?
I’m always ruining something I feel every time .

This perfect snow globe will never be the same.
Why does it feel like I’m going insane?

I’m a huge mess of tears and fears.
This precious snow globe doesn’t deserve to be here.

I then take a seat and set the globe down.
Upon my face, there’s such a big frown.

I’m upset with myself; what did I do?
I’ve broken something beautiful, shiny, and new.

It’s then when I look at that snow in the globe start to slow down.
It starts to settle back down to the ground.

I start to breathe slower; the tears and fear calm their war.
It is then that I realize what I have done, and all becomes clear—

that I do have some power over my anxiety and fear.

Leanne

Please
Don’t tell them
The real reason
i’m not coming

We set the date and
It was firm it was hard plans
Which i am less dense than

Please
Don’t tell them
That i can’t-
i don’t want to see them
Their mouths wide and
The sunlight lining their lips
As they lick up life updates
The last 5 months slid
In and i came out empty
i have nothing
In me
To even wet their appetites

Tooth for a tooth
But i have
None of those left to exchange
Not even for a smile
(for the time being: i’m too rude)

Please
Don’t tell them
That i can’t-
i’m not able to see them
Recently i’ve been
Turning people into mirrors
So that i may better
Look at my own nothingness
Only with my back to them
And their gaze taken elsewhere
On the glare of a black phone
Screen i’ll spy
The breeze running
Through their lashes

Eye for an eye
But don’t give me
Yours
i’ll only be gazing
At that empty centre
At myself

Just let me hide
Please
Don’t tell me
That it’s bad for me   I know

Overwhelming thoughts and feelings,
Spiraling down a deep, dark hole.
I can’t breathe—I just keep reeling,
Haunted by the places I’ve lost control.

Every step feels like a mistake,
A path of ruin I can’t escape.
Friendships hollow, love a lie,
No one sees the pain I hide.
I cannot breathe, I cannot be—
What’s so deeply wrong with me?

For a moment, I’m fine, the storm recedes,
But the calm is fleeting, and chaos breeds.
The weight crashes down; I can’t bear the sound,
A tidal wave pulling me deeper to drown.
I know I’m broken, but why like this?
These sudden storms leave me breathless.

My heart is a horse on a racetrack,
Thundering, pounding, faster, faster.
No winner in this endless chase—
Just relentless thoughts, quickening pace.
“Are you okay?” they ask; I nod,
Hiding the battle, a perfect facade.
“It’s just a headache,” I quietly lie,
While inside, I fail and cry.

I try to focus, try to breathe,
But the darkness whispers, “You’ll never leave.”
Every effort feels destined to fail,
A silent scream in an endless gale.

Once anxiety hits in
It spreads around like lava
Projecting negativity
And causing so much drama

So I increase awareness
To end this pattern's madness
Restoring back my mindset
Slowing down, gentle reset

Breathing consciously
I remind myself
I am the one responsible
For my mental health

Comparison arises
It causes an earthquake
This is the perfect timing
To become awake.

He holds my gaze with trembling hands,
A man torn by tides, shifting sands.
He says he wants me—but I know the ache,
The ghost of her still in his wake.

Her name lingers like smoke in the air,
And now his ex—her shadow is there.
Whispered confessions, a flicker of doubt,
A heart that wanders, a love stretched out.

Yet I do not judge; how could I dare?
I see the storm he’s learned to wear.
A mind that battles, a heart that’s bruised,
A tangle of love and paths confused.

I see my soul reflected in his eyes,
A twin flame’s fire, where truth and shadow lie.
I know his hunger, the ache to feel whole,
The battles within, the wars of the soul.
I understand the need, the longing for love,
The self-sabotage, the push, the shove.
For his self-doubt mirrors my own scars—
Two hearts aligned, yet torn apart by stars.

I’m hopeful for us, yet I’ll tread with care;
His patterns linger, my heart’s aware.
Yet I won’t worry, I won’t let the anxious thoughts win.
I’ll trust the journey, let the healing begin.
For love is a path both fragile and strong,
And what’s truly meant for us won’t steer us wrong.

Yet I can’t help it; my chest now tightens as I dream of us:
Will his promises hold, or crumble like dust?
Will I be the anchor, or just another shore?
Will he seek solace where he’s been before?

Still, I’ll stay and never judge, for I know his pain—
The weight of loss, the ache of shame.
I understand the wounds, the scars unspoken,
Our fragile hearts, so easily broken.

I’ll let time flow, let it all unfold,
For fate has a way of taking hold.
What’s meant to be will find its way,
Through light or shadow, come what may.

For if he can choose me, leave the past behind,
I know we’ll find peace in love redefined.
But I’ll still tread lightly, for love is a thread,
And trust is a bridge I’ll build with my dread.