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\n \n \n \n none\n \n \n \n \n May 16\n \n \n \n
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\n ties that bind\n
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\n darling, I miss you
in ways I wish I could
portray fully. as they say,
true love is shown through
actions-not words.

I miss your violent sweetness
tearing through my stomach
kindly molding me
into our perfect image.

I crave your airy touch-
on protruding bones,
bulging veins.
and holding my heart
while it flutters.

I will win you back
through splatter on ceramic tile
furious punching of numbers,
sleeping in tremors
and waking in dizzy euphoria.

please, I need you
render me empty
deconstruct my body
to put together anew
once more

You have always told me
\"you are nothing without me\"

.....

and oh god,
you were right.
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\n \n #anorexia\n \n #bulimia\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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\n \n \n \n D\u00e9bijonne\n \n \n \n \n May 7\n \n \n \n
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\n I\u2019mperfect\n
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\n Why settle with flaws?
Perfection almost killed me.
I don\u2019t like that path.
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\n tw // anorexia, self-harm\n
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\n \n #depression\n \n #anorexia\n \n #selfharm\n \n #haiku\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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\n \n \n \n Her\n \n \n \n \n May 4\n \n \n \n
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\n i cannot remember the last time i loved my body\n
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\n in group therapy
they asked me
when was the last time
i can remember loving my body

i thought about it
for a few moments
was it when
i was in bed with a
random man at the bar
or the time
i won over a man i thought i needed
or what about that one time
i finally fit into a size 3 jeans

no no no
it was not any of those

the last time i can remember
loving my body
was the summer i turned 7
it was a hot summer day
my sister and mother
took me on the ferris wheel
and i was petrified

i did not care to be scared
or show that i was scared
i did not care to live freely
but we all know that does not last forever
life takes over
and
bad things happen
and men take advantage of our bodies
thinking they can own anything
even a little girls body

i think through all of this
over and over
before speaking the words
i cannot remember
the last time i loved my body
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\n \n #eating\n \n #disorder\n \n #therapy\n \n #ed\n \n #bulimia\n \n #anorexia\n \n #depression\n \n #emotions\n \n #body\n \n #image\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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\n \n \n \n Owen\n \n \n \n \n Apr 25\n \n \n \n
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\n Masochistic Anorexic State of Not Being\n
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\n The love hate relationship with food,
is so strong. It consumes your life. It is on your mind every second of the day. It becomes your only reason for it all. The only source of contentment, but also the source of your fear, your self hatred, you want it so bad but you abstain because you're scared of the guilt and the consequences you will subject yourself too. To earn your right to feel happy. You impulsively exercise to extremes. And your peers will applaud your dying body.\u00a0\u00a0You have to keep the routine because without it\u00a0\u00a0you are terrified of the free time without focus, because the cycle of hunger and hate will set in. Society has convinced you you're not worthy of love unless you are a *******. If my peers knew the state of my mind they'd ridicule me for not being manly. There are moments, everyday, when you spectate a battle of reason and anxiety in your head.
And all the while you're on a timer. Counting down as your heart rate slows, organs strain and cease, friends drift away from your inability to pretend you're ok, and you are left alone and family beg for your sanity, because you inconvenience them. Everyday, ending it all seems the best solution, but you know better than most, how hard you are to ****. You're also a coward. If there is no intervention you will die, slowly, but assuredly you will. You have the final say.
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\n I wrote this when I was 18 when I was having the good ol battle of reason with my self. I thank myself everyday for having finally won that battle to see the light in this world.\n
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\n \n #eatingdisorders\n \n #anorexia\n \n #mentalhealth\n \n #suicide\n \n #recovery\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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\n \n \n \n Petrichor\n \n \n \n \n Apr 23\n \n \n \n
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\n Succumb to fate\n
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\n I am not meant for this world
The most striking insight i ever had
I am not capable of living
Not to insinuate i do not want to
WRONG - I crave it so dearly it hurts
But ordinary tasks overwhelm me
Other humans compute differently
Tending to my own needs does not come easily
And in the end of the day
I perch underneath the sequoia in my garden
Watch my silhouette fade in the diminishing light
And cry
Tears of sorrow
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\n This might not be very poetic,rather thoughts I have regularly.Maybe you can identify with my feelings,anyway thank u for reading.\n
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\n \n #anorexia\n \n #despair\n \n #depression\n \n #mental\n \n #illness\n \n #suicide\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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\n \n \n \n Natasha Pietrobuono\n \n \n \n \n Apr 22\n \n \n \n
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\n Piece of mind\n
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\n Overflowing tears fill her eyes,
as doubt fills inside her mind.
She is overwhelmed and confused,
she is exhausted and tired of being bruised.
However, one things for sure.
She will no longer let her demons get the best of her.
She will no longer stand for a life full of misery and torment.
For she\u2019s now had a taste of pure freedom and forgiveness.
As she is now following her dreams.
Everything is falling into place,
and once again;
she does not want to lose how beautiful her life has become.
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\n \n #thoughts\n \n #feelings\n \n #ed\n \n #eatingdisorder\n \n #anorexia\n \n #nervosa\n \n #mentalhealth\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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\n \n \n \n Charlotte Margaret\n \n \n \n \n Apr 15\n \n \n \n
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\n When I got thin\n
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\n When I got thin in ninth grade
People congratulated me
They told me how great I looked
How they envied my body.
They told me I looked so pretty
And that I was smiling brighter
Than ever before.

What they don\u2019t know is that
Behind that bright smile
And those glass-cutter bones
Was an emptiness.
Behind my thin frame was months
Upon months
Of self starvation
Of purging
Of endless workouts
Of needing to be thin.

What people saw was a strong girl
Who saw her fat body
And turned it into something small

They said
I wish I had your control
I want to get anorexia
Maybe then I\u2019ll be thin

No. you wont be
There is no \u2018thin\u2019
There is seeing bone as being too fat
There is nothing but self hatred
For months
Years
For ever.

People saw the girl who
Was a size 16
And dropped to a size 6
Then they saw the size 6 girl
Drop to a size 0

They saw me change

When I got thin in ninth grade
The people around me didn\u2019t know
The torture that went into it
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\n My story\n
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\n \n #anorexia\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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\n \n \n \n No one\n \n \n \n \n Apr 11\n \n \n \n
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\n **** social norms.\n
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\n We've all heard of the story

a young boy and a young girl

falling in love in autumn.

The leaves falling as they twirl.



But we didn't hear the story

of the same boy who would go out every night

to the parties and pick on the boy he liked

because instead of admitting his fear, he'd rather pick a fight.



We've all heard the story

of the two girls who are best friends,

the two that never stop holding hands.

The two that always share their paper and pens.



We don't hear the story

of the two best friends who are in love, but afraid of that kind of thing

because they don't understand why they feel that way

so instead of talking about it, they have inside jokes and sing.



We've all heard the story

of the girl with too many friends and a big smile

The one who loved her body and was kind

The girl who always followed the latest trend and style.



We don't hear the story

of the boy who fights the battle of a mental disorder

The one that is filled with obsession, numbers; the one

that is too thin, but it's the only way to feel like his life is in order.



We've all heard the story

of the kid who was left out\u00a0

who was picked on for being a nerd

but who grew up to be successful, despite people's doubt.



We don't hear the story

of a young girl who got picked on one too many times

who was called a ****, an attention seeker. So she gave up,

but when she killed herself everyone blamed it on her \"crimes.\"



We've all heard the story

of magical prom nights, and joyful graduation

and all the successful teenagers\u00a0

who after high school, had this revelation.



We don't hear the story

of the boy whose family can't afford college

the one who is stuck with 12 hour shifts everyday

who is called a *****-up, even though he longs for knowledge.
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\n So make it known.\n
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\n \n #society\n \n #lgbt\n \n #depression\n \n #anorexia\n \n #love\n \n #struggles\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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\n \n \n \n Eleanor\n \n \n \n \n Apr 8\n \n \n \n
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\n Until I'm starving\n
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\n \"Even today, I have a lot of trouble figuring out if I\u2019m hungry or not. I often can\u2019t tell until I\u2019m starving. I don\u2019t trust those little inklings of hunger I have before the starving stage, since anything outside of mealtime is supposed to be quelled by a ******* piece of fruit.

Over time, [I was taught] that I should decide what to eat with my brain, not my stomach. So eventually, my stomach just gave up.\"
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\n Read full article at: https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/09/parents-taught-disordered-eating/\n
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\n \n #ana\n \n #anorexia\n \n #sad\n \n #depressed\n \n #life\n \n #pain\n \n #hungry\n \n #starving\n \n #ed\n \n #eatingdisorder\n \n
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\n Continue reading...\n
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