There’s nowhere for me,
nowhere I can scream—
quietly, peacefully.
I can’t disturb,
the gentle, quiet Night.

These tears know, too—
They only know one home,
stuck deep inside.
They drown in the ocean,
wondering when they will
fly from my eyes.

The time comes.
I shake, I tremble.
My soul goes ragged—
with grief, with joy,
with guilt, with love,
with anger, with hope.
It’s wretchedly beautiful.

I raise my chin.
I shake, I tremble.
But only a crack
forms in the dam.
Only a stream
seeps into my lap.

I unhinge my jaw.
I shake, I tremble.
I try to *****
the full blue moon.
But not a sound disturbs,
the gentle, quiet Night.

I can’t hear myself.
But it's screaming.
It claws, it hungers,
it wants out.
But I’m not ready.

My heart has grown
too attached to the weight,
of this dead child
hiding inside me.

Today, I dared to set my foot upon the world's stage.
And the sunlight rushed forth, blinding my sight in boundless radiance.
A strange sight unfolded before me, a world bathed in a ghostly, whitish hue.
Oh, how my eyes endured the agonizing throes of reality;
Their gaze so deeply enamoured by the allure of darkness,
Wept for the embrace of comforting shadows.
My skin burned with an unearthly fervour,
As if I had been whisked away to the fiery depths of infernal hell.
I retraced my steps in haste, falling into the arms of a formidable beast,
Enshrouded boldly in his wily grin of triumph,
As though his feast had willingly surrendered itself to his grasp.
I had always been destined to be ensnared within the web of hopelessness,
Like a fragile moth drawn inexorably to the relentless flame of its existence.
For this monstrous entity has divested me of strength, cradling me through endless day and night,
While feasting upon my very soul beneath the soothing veil of shadows.
I dwelt in such delusion, losing sight of the truth that the sun has long forsaken my sky.
Must I wait for this fear to gobble me up and let me vanish into the oblivion?
Or dare once more to descend into the radiant expanse of the unfamiliar,
Where the light of hope may still be flickering, beckoning for my return?

My skin trembles with pleasure and pain—pleasure in every tender way you loved me, yet torn by the agony in the way you unraveled me.

Do you know the agony of yearning every second for someone you loved fiercely, while he has obliterated even the faintest echo of your name from his heart?

I can't handle
This web
You've got me tangled
Up in

Still feel
As if
My stomach's
getting pumped  

Oh, I wish you could win my
Fuggin' trust back
But  its  tragic
You say
You. dont. want. to
Win it back
Quit getting upset
Because I don't see that happening


You claim I come up
Assumptions
Come to find out
Your secrets are
gut wrenching

So I'd rather not unpack here
Or uncover anymore,
She can clean out
Your closet next time

I can take a hint
............

I'm trying to take the hint
.......

But it's like I've  just been body slammed

The last day of the year, and I paid a visit to show my respects
To attempt to humble my flesh
To give my reflection of a failed man
I
Who designated days of joy saved up from past jobs/relationships
Felt the lightning crash into my soul
Thinking it took the weird from one to half my whole self
I came to the plot
Twisting rose petals into my palm
And sprinkling them at her feet
Asking for forgiveness in a futile plea
I needed someone to speak to, and in this case
Spirits only speak to those who don't come forth weak with intentions
Renditions of "Wash Me" running through my mind
In all white, I delivered a bouquet
A brief say
A respite from desperation, my soul hath claimed
Prayed for her rest, her family's best, and a ceasing of my shameful pain
Hell, at one point, I thought I messed up her name.
Not even nervousness
Just urgently purging in the place where "my mama" 'nem stay
Pennies in her best number
A purple candle and rattle to battle back bad energies
The wind was so telling, that I couldn't even catch my breath
Running from reality
I asked for clarity in love through death.


Ifeanyi N Okoro II © 1/2/2024

You may not know you love me,
You may not value that love you know I bear,
You may not see the service
That I provide,
Nor desire the years of love
And dedication that I
Offered from figurative
And indeed a literal knee,

But I know you do love me,
Just hoped you'd show it more,
Although in fact you do show it when
The chips are down,
I DO value my love,
A truer and rarer thing
You will not find,

The service?

Meh! I love you
So it just came but
It made a difference to your life,
The years that I have offered Appear to count for nowt,
But they are what remains
Of me,
Offered in humility

And love,
To me these things were
And are
Important,
Not so readily cast aside,
Yet it seems you may not
Find an answering flame inside,
And even that maybe concept Really really hurts,

My soul lies at the bottom of a cold glass bottle,
I live my life full throttle conscious and wild,
With unfathomable sorrow in the bottom of my scorned black heart,
I play fast and loose with love and idle madness,
Its the fruit of my life that gets me through.

Everyday is like Russian roulette in my mind,
Everyday I take a sip but the truth gets harder to find,
It doesn’t exist at the bottom of a bottle,
Yet everyday I desperately search for the answers,
Everyday I fall just a little behind,
It’s an unwinnable game that I constantly lose
everyday I slip closer to the end with no light in sight,
Yet it’s the little fruit of my life that helps get me through.

Sometimes I feel like a god, sometimes I feel like a roach in a pool,
Sometimes I feel like a king, sometimes I feel like a fool,
Sometimes I feel like the very essence of life,
sometimes I feel like the darkest cold death,
But it’s the spark in my lungs, it’s the fire in my stomach,
The Uniqueness! of my essence, and the freedom of my will,
but I’m still just a slave with a bullet in my head,
I have to drench my soul and drown my burdens,
For now it’s the fruit of my life that gets me through.