I’ve never been good at asking for what I need

when I do, I fight myself every step of the way

it doesn’t seem to come out right—
or maybe I just don’t say the right words

maybe I’m not being seen or heard

is there a misunderstanding,
or do I feel misunderstood?

I don’t know—
maybe it’s all in my head

what I do know is that I don’t have the energy
to fight to be seen

maybe I’m just being dramatic

maybe I feel rejected

I don’t know if that’s sensitivity, or if my feelings are actually valid

I feel a missed bid for connection

I feel as if I am giving more than I am receiving

at times, it feels as if there’s no reciprocity

I desire, want, and need
to not feel so alone with another human being

I don’t know if I’m being irrational with this,
or dismissive to myself

I have an intense want to avoid and withdraw

I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive

I just wanted ten minutes of time, and it seems as if there’s no time at all

I expect myself from others
and let myself down when I don’t receive that

maybe I have unrealistic expectations of others

maybe I am asking for too much

maybe I am just being sensitive.

I love you.
I hate you.
I love you.
I hate you.
I love you.
I hate you...
oops. Have to get another daisy...

No one knows?
Acceptance and defensive gaiety
Sour old bills and chills we owed
Saving the world from a talk, with anxiety

Are we decent, are we found...
For a simpler song of choice?
Taken reasons, we prefer by the sound
Of another kindness, that is a voice...

Western purposes
In the mind, and the ease of a heart
Since to realer cans, and uses
Will such a dramatic survival, start?

With everybody knows
Added courage, in the fate
We directed to the wiser in soul...
Who, try yourself, when the world is asleep?

Ancient men and women, with secrets for pillows
Saked a truer finish to more wishes, than a child could earn...
Arranged in the now, wasn't a clashing eye to borrow?
Saving tears from a chosen may, are we time to learn?

Tales of call and response, to a rhythm in heaven
Like sincerity is to be...
And couth is a walking age, made to fit for a living
Why not peace, love and understanding...?

Speed skills
Anti the patience, you dismay?
Serious consciences, save what kills
Seek me at the end of poise, people shade

And a heart of steel, waiting on the guidance
Made of hunger in the name of shame
Somewhere the lovers of wonder, are our chance
Oblivion and the nary of a fulfilled joy, same

Same side of a house
Adding the gifts of omnipotence, a hill
Now in your stead, have and the thought for thou
Eccentric as a wall of flame, we see the sun is a since's will...

Won't a misery enact, the coming hope?
Erudite and valuing want, over loves history...
Never in view, with a bright mind, to liberate shown...?
Time, to a little more fate, when loves epistolary...

Heed me, the corners and the future of powers, adroit
Overt to clashes of vivid kind, that swallow of pride
Made the noise, the vice and the silence, so loyal...
Earned for a levity in the now, the soul of reach to those, sighed

Now
At the moment of curiosity, the privilege of sincerity
Making the statement of a lifetime, when time builds a house
Each their spate fears, like a timely fool, with tears for eternity...

Put to cares, investiture
World's worth, the lips of sustain
Having the moment, a chance curiosity...
With the legend of suppose, a critique came?

What's is in the box, dismay?
Generosity of a soul, if not spirit
To wonder in a clashing eye, the pout you made
Is a reach for judgment, that has discussed avarice's limit...

Cold, shouldering your simplicity...
Said in the form and function of living example
The reasons of virtue, without the redoubted tendency...?
Of love over silence, the harmony of youth to question, hell

Prayers we dote, are in the mix...
But, such a beautiful eye of essences made, esteem laid
To rest with a harbored kiss, for what is a psyche
Meant in the now, with us for a proof, of seclusion said:

How's the new lover, Jack?
Where imposition is to be, the court of selection
Spate influences, will in withheld eye's we lack?
With the emotions of sincerity, the face of completion...

Souled by craving, sealed by having
Toward the known kind, we fade to life a whole dare
Is a reality to venture the words, of a sense of a decision saving
You, for the barriers of justice, where one swallow is a world of cares...

i don't want to be part of this world
i would rather just observe it
how clouds move through the sky like hallucinations
how they appear then disappear at whim,
turning into milky nothing
i want to be nothing, too

i caught
the midnight sky
winking at me
as i walked
out the front door;
its clouded lid
falling upon
that bright
but waning eye
for the briefest
of moments

it is hard
to know
if this was
a gesture
   of endorsement
a translunary "attaboy"
   of encouragement
to keep walking
this path
less travelled
or an accusatory
reassurance
despite
   the ambivalence
that my secrets
would be kept
by this
ever-watchful
stellar companion

Fearful cows. Proud buckets. Sequestered and barbed.
Three freckles. A constellating of anchors.
Violating space.
The long road travelled and the long road ahead.
Each length, perfect reflection of the other.
You are travelling as a mirror. Roving.
Violating time.
Swallowing hours. Draped. A shroud of volition.
The sky is still crying. The sea is angry.
You hear it sometimes, underneath the wind’s wails.
It can hear you. Sometimes. But always it sees.
Violating mind.
What it sees sends sun to sky and turns rain to
tears of joy, collected in proud buckets, that
drizzle down, dousing the faces of fearful cows.

Those words spoken long ago
I choked them down dry and raw
Now I find regurgitation
To be the only way
In avoiding asphyxiation
Belief is one thing
Reality another
A monster when combined
Some call it "Love"
Some call it a "Lie"
Delusion is jelly-thick
You know what tastes nice?
Reclusion.
I poisoned myself on hope and seclusion
Love, may you gag on my rotting flesh
My eyes have opened
My mouth agape
Choked out from love's embrace