I'm falling through the looking glass, not really knowing,
That the world's spinning past and everything's growing,
There's a rabbit and I gasp for he seems to be glowing,
Tell's me time's moving too fast and I ought to get going,
There's a cat that I can't see except his twisting smile,
And he's been haunting me and hunting me for mile upon mile,
I keep my mind off that grin but I know I'm in denial,
Then my head starts to spin and I'm gone for a while,
Not to my surprise, I find this place is taking it's toll,
Then before my eyes, I'm crying, losing control,
Trying to claw at the dirt, falling down the rabbit hole,
Feeling nothing but hurt and a fear for my soul,
This is my role, living to entertain,
Cake and champagne, drinking tea with the insane,
Smeared against the pain is the smile that I feign,
It's a colourful country but my colour has drained,
Turning blue like my lips, like a vein, like the chatter,
With all of these psychos God knows who's the Mad Hatter,
A mouse, hare, a man, and I'm guessing the latter,
Then my images shatter, a woman dressed in red,
My heart is a **** in her lover's bed,
Two colours clash and I'm sure I am dead,
Red royalty laughs and screams "off with her head",
But I have not sinned, I have not marred,
I will not be scarred by the Red Queen's guard,
I am the wind in the houses of card,
The joker you treated with disregard,
This land's full of wonder but that wonder is callous,
I will bring down the blood stained palace,
Felling diamonds and spades with a purebred malice,
I win, for I am, the Ace of Alice.

Always dreaming
Yet never sleeping
She was caught up in a fantasy
She created in her head

Growing older
Yet never growing up
He was always playing
The games where he always wins

She got lost
Wandering in the enchanted forest
And found him
She instantly fell in love
Even when he didn’t offer his heart
And only promised
That he’ll teach her to fly

But she was just a player… a pawn
Caught up in his little game
Just like an innocent fly
Trapped in a spider web of lies

In her pretty little head
She can win the battle for his heart
Cause in a world of talking rabbits and caterpillars
She was the fierce warrior who defeated the Jabberwocky

But as he pulled her out of Wonderland
And brought her to Neverland
He let the pirates with hooks on their hands
Rip the heart off her chest
And served it on a silver platter to the crocodiles

She dragged herself back to Wonderland
Leaving a trail of her own blood
Still believing
Still hoping
That he’ll come after her
But he never did

Resting is never easy, with the stirring of empty thoughts, like clanging little bells and spilling mold from teapots. I sit and drink of folly and greet my guests there, for I’ll never get to resting if I don’t have my fair share. Though the poison may eat me up, I tie wonderland’s ribbon round my neck, and jump the spout into the drink to take my given due. Again I kiss the teacup’s lip and mumble “I love you."

F
   A
       L
           L
               I
                  N
                      G
                           For you,
                           Like little Alice fell
              D
                 O
                    W
                        N        
                D
                    O
                       W
                           N
                   D
                       O
                          W
                              N
   ­                                  The rabbit hole.

When I saw him, it wasn’t like walking into a library that would be torn down exactly two years later; it was exactly like losing my breath and my mind in the same way, at the same time. Something changed that day, I mean, I didn’t write poetry until I met him, and I wasn’t good at it until i lost him.

The left over pieces of my childhood where stuck to me like dried flower petals between the dog-eared pages of a book, “How many copies of Alice in wonderland? Read ten times, and still not enough. I even learned to read with my eyes closed.” And if I were actually blind, I would still know that he was beautiful.

I listened to songs about falling apart, and loving him felt like winter. Like my lungs were struggling in the frost bitten air, and when he said, “I have this feeling,” feelings being shared, like we where the only two people there, in this room with the sun shining in my eyes and on my face, not that I should even believe him,”I like you,” It felt like falling. Tumbling. Tumbling down the rabbit hole. If I went back in time, I might not have read Romeo and Juliet, I didn't think you could die for love, but maybe for a cigarette.

We got along because I can’t be friends with anyone who isn't already an artist. There is something particular about the way they live, I thought he might know how to fix me. He’s actually just like me, only void of the embarrassment. I hold myself to such low standards, everyone can walk all over me. Life, already upside down, inside out. “Eat me drink me,” a soundtrack. Pain, he taught me, happens for a reason, and the reason I am alive is because I am worth so much more. Books were only conditioning, and he was the door. He did tell me it would take four years, and every day of it we could share. But he lied, because it took five, and for the rest of my life, he wasn't there.

today i imagined depression as the dark hole to wonderland, and i imagined myself as alice. i, i am falling. to where: i don't know. why am i falling: well, i took a wrong step.
when i first fall down, i can still see the light. i can still feel happy, i can still remember how to be happy.
but as i fall deeper, i lose sight of the light above. i start to forget the things that made me happy, i lose track of the memories. i am only happy once in a while.
i fall too deep. so deep that i can no longer see the light above. ever. my eyes might as well be closed because at least then i can imagine happy things.
i feel as if i will never experience them again. this hole is never ending.
but there is a wonderland. it is below me. i know that much. but what is it? what does it look like? when do i reach it?  when do i land in happiness and forget the bad things? i've been falling forever.
my theory is that you are my wonderland. you are close, i know it. but you are still so far. you still feel impossible to reach, but i know that you are my destination. you are my happiness, the thing that will me make me forget all the bad things. you are everything i want and you are everything i need.