Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
it’s been a year now,
full of carbonation bubbles and they still spit and sting at my face
every single time that                                
i am fooled enough to look.

it’s been a year now,
full of termite-eaten wood but still
no evidence.
i don’t want reverence.
i want you to forget about me.

       even after all this time
       i thought i could escape this slime,
       maintain the years of my prime;
       i could throw up.

              to tell you the truth,
              no one has ever followed me
              this far
              before.
Naomi Hurley Jul 2017
it takes
            a special kind of
self loathing
            to reach for a
bottle
            as your eyes are
opening

to begin
            the process of
poisoning yourself
            as darkness
dissipates

blind to the orange
              explosion
the yellow and red hues
              now encapsulating
the sky

the warmth
and radiance of
The Sun
as its rays
blanket my world--

a sensation I willingly
                 betray
a sense of happiness I consciously
                 ignore

as I sit in my
                 dark room

Shot
                 After
Shot

trying to (literally)
d r o w n
my sorrows
that creep up
behind closed eyes
unleashing upon my
mind as lids part

running rather than
                  fighting

choosing to sink
                  when I could be
swimming

The Sun is high
encouraging plants to dance
and animals to wake
and yet I wither
in an enclosed space

my roommate returns
from an overnight shift
to find me

intoxicated
                   inebriated
vomiting
                   in bed

the day is beginning
but my life
                   feels over.

When will I finally see the light?
When I was an alcoholic in denial.
Amber Jun 2017
Thoughtless words flow from your mouth
And to me it sounds mangled and garbled
Some language that I've not yet learned

Some days i can make out what your saying
Usually in the morning
When the monster in you still sleeps.

But everyday he begins to stir
And I know that soon he will have taken over.

And then you ARE the monster
And whatever pieces of you I thought were salvageable,
Have vanished and I'm looking for an escape route

Anyway out will do
As long as I don't have to hear the words which you once spoke,
So clearly and sweetly,
Spewing out like a hot geyser
Unintelligible and broken.

What went wrong along the way
For you to so fully embrace
A monster that would soon inch into every corner
Of your life, stealing everything precious to you
And collecting them together with it's ugly claws
Balling them up and swallowing them into it's ugly black heart.

What made you love that monster
More than your own offspring?
What made you love that monster
More than yourself?

I've learned how to live with him
I've learned he's a part of you now
But no matter all the time that passes, I cant understand him.

His words, actions, thoughts.

And maybe that's why I cant help you rid yourself of him.

But when I can fully understand

I'm going to take that bottle he's been living in
And smash it into a million pieces.
Cheryl Matthews Jun 2017
I found comfort in your arms.
I found security in your hands.
I found love in your eyes.
I found kindness in your heart.
I found intelligence in your words.
I found adventure in your mind.
I found persistence
I found relief
I found fun
I found sweetness
Softness
Motivation
Creativity
Wonder
Compassion
Thoughtfulness


You found the bottom of the bottle
over
and
over

and all was lost
Brie Pizzi Jun 2017
My dad warns me telling me that alcoholism runs in the family.
I laugh and tell him not to worry because I hate the taste of alcohol.

It's true, I do.

The smell.
The burning.
The warmth.

But then again,

the numb feeling it gives you is undeniable.

Sometimes it feels like alcohol is the only way to not hurt.

But remember to make sure you drink a lot. Drinking only a little wont do you any good. The last thing you want is to be MORE emotional. As if you thought that was even possible.

Drink until you feel nothing.

Your hangover might be awful in the morning, but then again it can't be worse than how you felt before drinking, right?

I'm starting to think my dad is right in worrying.
Delaney Jun 2017
Open a can in front of her
and then ask her why
she flinches
at the sound.

Ask her why
the mere scent of beer
coaxes stomach acid up
her throat.

Go on, ask her why
her childhood memories
are tainted
by an alcoholic fog.

Ask her why 'father'
is a six letter word,
and each letter
is holding a 30-pack of misery.

-db
qi Jun 2017
symptoms of anhedonia.
                   a triumvirate, perceived
                   Inanition& Inertia& Inaptitude:
                                      they are ugly triplets who hide under leather
                                      and self-loathing &stink of last night’s pinot
                                      noir
                     ­                        from **** knows where.
                   their fingers, cigarette-stained and calloused,
                   reach into my prozac pillboxes
                   &crunch my anxiety (meds)
                   into fluoxetine powder and ivory between
                   their yellowing teeth.

I Do Not Cry When The
Sandman Knocks                                      
For He Sits At                                      midnight:the witching hour,whenthe
My Porch Bearing Sweet                                      siblings curl up besides me to
Dreams &Sister Death, Whose Touch                   ,                   ravage;
I’ve Long Wished For                                                         they will not
                                                                ­                       leave me
                                                              ­             untilthe
                                                         cloyingly sweet
                                         perfume of Death
       is scrubbed clean fromthe

                                                        ­                    pulse
                                                                ­            point
                                                                ­            of
                                                                ­            my
                                                                ­            wrists



There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing for you here.

Nothing will bring me back. In three years time I’ll still be dead. My bed sheet is my shroud and Death holds my wrists in a vice grip. He still leads me below.

                                      here is the untruth:
                                                        ­ i am here,
                                                         Penelope at her loom,
                                                         waiting for a lost lover whom I know
                                                         will take ten years to come back to
                                                         my awaiting arms.

                                      here is the untruth:
                                                        ­ in three years time,
                                                         I’ll still be dead.

                                      here is the truth:
                                                         nothing exists six feet under except:
                                                         hell
                                                         chalk dust
                                                         powdered calcium.
a thing i wrote for my theatre course, inspired by Sarah Kane's "4.48 Psychosis." this was a monster to format and i hope it works?? this is v experimental and i am Sorry
The grand wind blows as it hums along –
This dark and grey velvet morning - the sun barely risen.
A well dressed classy drunk smears her finger across
The doorman’s lips and whispers, “Please don’t tell anyone.”
She stumbles along while someone in her way curses -
A garbage truck outside stops and reverses -
– beep – beep – beep.

Standing there in her favorite long coat
The desk clerk seems to gloat -
Gloat over every marvelous thing she ever wanted.
In this, the one day when she is thinner -
Outside a siren shrieks repeating the tormented,
Is she a saint or a sinner?

Finally the quiet idles up there eternal
Inside her blessed Penthouse suite.
From her barred window she watches a crosswalk signal
Still standing in her long winter coat.
Across the alley she sees someone on a fire escape,
As they wrap around and disappear down the funnel.

In the serenity of the street below a Cupid like boy
Salutes his mother at the bus stop.
The mother stoops to pat him on his noggin.
Then mommy makes a sculpture of her packages,
As the boy salutes again.
Up there behind her bars the drunk thinks she is different somehow.

Taking off her coat she opens a book entitled “Value”
Finding a written sentence that ends with “come back to me now.”
She gives her legacy a second look
And thinks how absolutely - positively - wondrously dear -
If only she could believe what she had just read -

And then she disappears.
The word play here is meant to draw out several different parts of the reader. Sometimes we feel that our lives are happening without our control. But in the end we have to face the fact that everything that happens in our lives is a result of the choices that we make. By accepting this we can choose to be an active agent in our own existence or we can choose not to make a choice and feel ourselves disappear in the choices that life makes for us.
donia kashkooli May 2017
i don't want to feel anything ever again

-d.k.
DblNickel May 2017
"Raise your hand if you're messed up".
That's what I heard but not what they said.
My hand slowly rises and they grin.
Fresh meat.
Then they proceed with uncanny resemblance to TV.

State your name, to be added to the menu.
They want more details, er ingredients.
Their eyes are locked, watching for golden brown.
Lapping lips, heads droopy and bobbing,
The blood in my neck runs cold and then clotting,

****.
This place is over-*******-flowing with vulnerability vultures.
My fight or flight kicks in and I become needlessly angry.
Why the hell am I here?
He's not my problem anymore.
Why the hell am I mad?
He's not my problem anymore.

But I sit and I listen to the  man on my right.
He shields his eyes and I know why.
The longer you sit, the longer they glare,
The longer they hope your gaze transforms
Into yet another hungry vulture's stare.
I -had- to go to an AL-ANON meeting this past weekend.  I'll save you the Google search: AL-ANON meetings are for friends and family members of alcoholics.
Next page