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Amber Jun 2019
Who are we?

What a vague question
And yet, it is THE question

We are beautiful
We are ever changing

We are sad
and happy

and disgusting

We pick people up
just to devour them between our greedy claws

We want, we want, we want

What the **** do we want?


And yet....

We are human
Amber Oct 2018
Skin so soft, like a baby, smooth to the touch
I love to sit and run my fingers up and down your back, or your arm, or anywhere really.
But your not a baby, you’re a man
A man who knew hardship and struggle
long before you knew what it was to enjoy the finer things in life.

My heart jumped and my eyes could not look away from you the first time we met.
With your shirt off on a hot summer day,
your smooth skin enticed me before I even knew who you really were.

And here I sit two years later, thinking back on that first day
When our love had just began, how much I already loved you in those first few moments.

And I wonder, how can one man be so **** good?
You never raise your voice or berate me,
you only show your undying love for me.

And maybe that’s why I so often push you away,
because Ive never known a love so pure.
Ive never had one man, or person for that matter, love me so wholly the way you do.

I couldn’t imagine my world without you,
yet I never fail to let you know how much better my life would be without you in it.
Maybe I don’t know how to love, or maybe I don’t want to be loved,
Maybe I want you and everyone else to hate me, just as I hate myself to my very core.
I pray everyday that I can be as women as you are man.
That I can wear my heart on my sleeve as you do.

That I can tell you my real feelings,
that I can tell you, you are my world.

But then you would know,
And I would be left open like a book, and vulnerable.
Maybe one day, when I'm ready of course, I’ll let you in and let you fully see who I really am
One lost soul among a million, tainted and imperfect.

Until then I love you more than you can know, even though I never let those emotions show.
I love you, I do.
Amber Dec 2017
Again I am walking to my favorite spot.
An open gorge that has eaten peoples pain for centuries.

I sit and pick a forget-me-not
And remind myself that today, I am not here for my agonies.

I am here today for meditation,
I am here today for thought.
I see the universes beautiful creation
And find what my soul besought.

A water fall
And smoothly cut rock.

This gorge; a big bowl with walls.
It's beauty hits at my heart with a knock.

Right now
I will be happy.

Right now
I will be calm.

And from my soul I'll pull my thoughts
Where they will perish
Into mother nature's earthen ***.
Amber Dec 2017
She had fire in her heart!


In her soul.

And even as she aged
Her heart, never grew old.

Her life was lived
Almost falling,
Off the edge.

But that's how she liked it
That's how she CHOSE it.

As she grew

That fire in her heart grew


And even when her hair grayed

And her body ached

She never lost the burning


Of the fire
In her heart
Amber Nov 2017
Finalize your after thought
Is it really what you thought?

Was the outcome what you expected
Was there more pain, than pleasure?

Did his hungry eyes feed your appetite
Or did they reproduce in your own sight?

Do you feel refreshed and new
Now that he's taken advantage of you?

Or are you just like him?
Always seeking your next victim

Or is it that you are the victim?

Do you even know who you are
Or do you know what other people think you are?

Have you stayed true to yourself
To your thoughts
To your religion

Or do you purposefully
Walk the path of temptation

Maybe you've gotten lost
Just to find yourself wandering
Among all the others.
Amber Jul 2017
Long days filled with laughter,
I was always happy to be with you
Even if it was just for a car ride to the store.

You taught me so much.

Unfortuantly, my brain wasn't a sponge back then.

Instead, it was a hard rock
Or better yet, a ball of rubber bands
Tightly wound and great at deflecting anything that was good for me.

The first time I left was also the first time I ever saw you cry.

A grown man
Sobbing and emotional.

I thought things would never change.

After all, you've always been a phone call away.

But distance turned into more than miles

Distance became the pain that I talk about now when I'm drunk.

It became our undoing.

It became a part of me that I never wanted.

It's been ten years
And I still haven't found the bridge back to us.
Amber Jul 2017
Flowered walls and pictures with scenes

of young girls
Only dressed to be seen.

A record player and a too large bed

A lonely girl who was lost in her head

She was waiting

For a savior

And not the Jesus that her father gave her..

Her religion became

Anything that could take her away
From those four walls.

From the nothing
That was

Like a shell

Wandering halls
And bus isles

Empty hallways
That were her home

A tiny
Small spirit
Who was all alone.

Nothing changed.
There was no one and nothing to find.

The thing that she looked for

Was only in her mind.
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