Once I was
On top of the world

Winning at a game
That I didn’t know
I was playing
As I was cheered on
By eager fans
Boosting my ego

Skipping through the fallen leaves
And slipping recklessly
Through the dangers
Life handed me
Knowing
That if I tripped
Someone was there
To catch me
Before I hit the pavement

But all at once
I fell from the nest
Feeling lost
When I scraped my knee
And nobody was there
Holding a band-aid
Ready to fix me

I wondered
Why it had been so easy
To fall hard
With no broken bones
Or ugly bruises

But nobody had told me
That when I used to fall
It had only been
From Dad’s shoulders

There is still a part of me that will always be a child.
I do not think there will be a time where I will lose her,
That part of me who needs to be looked after.

I have spent so long now trying so hard to independent.
The days I go hungry because it is only me who will cook,
They will always be a part of me.

I take solace in the knowledge I can always go home,
But the day will come when home is what I have built for myself,
And the only person who will cook for me is me.

I was the child that once said
“Does magic exist, or is it all in my head?”
The same one that slept with a bear
And had less than a half inch of hair.

The little ‘un that wanted peace
And to this day, that did not cease
So I hopped into the past to see myself again
And stared at my own self that was ten.

He giggled at my face that was odd to see
“What are those spots?” “That’s acne.”
And he asked if I had a girlfriend
But of course you knew how that story would end.

We walked down the street and talked for a while
When I asked about his friends, he wore a big smile
And told me there was absolutely nothing at all wrong
And I chuckled when he talked and played right along

He then asked me if I feared anything
I scoffed at this question and pretended it did not sting
He didn’t look so sure, and I swore before I left
That I left within him some feeling of bereft.

So I came back to my time and sat upon my chair
And ran a troubled hand throughout my tousled hair
Then suddenly, a flash in front of my eyes
And when the smoke cleared, I had one big surprise

I saw a young man of about twenty two
He had a mane of hair, down to his shoulders, mind you
And he looked a little tired, but I knew for who he was
As he cleaned his shirt of dust and fuzz

He stepped towards me and offered his hand
And I took it and shook it; though this wasn’t planned
And from behind his square glasses was a familiar look seen
And he was gone in an instant; left behind a very confused teen.

This morning
I dreamt of you
I can't help but ask...
Did you dream of me too?

We took refuge
In a fort in a tree
With Minecraft t-shirts
And cartoons on the TV

My nose was pierced
But I took it out
There was nothing but certainty
No feelings of doubt

Your hands traced
Over my body
It was the first time we had
That kind of intimacy

I felt the freedom
When you entered me
Kissing deeply
And giggling light heartedly

We tried the position
You always wanted to
I laid down
My back to you

It was when I turned over
Playing the little spoon
That I heard my neighbour
Coming home too soon

As the door slammed
I knew it was fantasy
I still felt my hand on yours
Resting on my hip gently

Falling from the astral plane
Feeling like celestial being
I took a dive from the stars
It felt like my soul was torn from yours

I crashed into my body
Tears in my eyes
I swear to God you were with me
Soaring above those skies

i look into the bottom of my plastic cup;
the one stained with lipstick on the rim and beer foam oozing down the sides
and suddenly i don’t hate you as much as i thought i did.
i begin to love you
to want all of you
but i never knew what love really was
because when it was your turn to drink just to feel,
and you had suddenly begun to feel the same as me,
i realized that i definitely never knew what love was.
i just knew what wanting something bad for you truly felt like
and wanting it so bad felt so **** good
and wrong
but also right, in some kind of ****** up way.
and it felt like cheap beer,
and heartbreak,
and nothing past what happened secretly in your room between us
and the ever familiar sheets.
because when the cup is empty
and the keg is tapped
we slowly swim out of our muddied minds
and pry ourselves away from each other’s hot sticky bodies.
and i don’t stay.
i shrug on my clothes and bite my lip
all to not kiss you goodbye
and i leave that room that smells like bad decisions,
and finally know...
finally realize,
drunk love is always deeper than it actually is,
and what it truly is behind my romanticizing heart
is that it’s nothing.
it’s nothing but a few minutes of ecstasy
and you will still feel the same about me when you’re sober.
you will still need a few drinks to feel the way i felt.
so i don’t love you, right?
i drunk love you, and nothing more.
you’ve made that clear.
so my drunk love is a sinking boat,
and here i am again
drowning in my beer.

Be thinner be smarter
Be the perfect daughter
Smile and laugh
Such a piece trash
Just agree
Give in to their lying
Your hopeless, but dont stop trying
No one truley cares
Don't ignore the stares
Stop holding teddy bears
Run your fingers through your hair
Your an adult now
Fix your self up now.