to be born out of the sky
or bled out of a rock
still we desire to love
that from which we came,
and even in adoption
we reduce the power of conscious ties
burying them under nature -

- so ***** is her underside that
We become cleansed when in contact
with the discarded   affection
brewed   and not based in inheritance
composed   and   created  in nurture
hardly automated in the infant

w h o s e  v i s i o n  is  c l e a n s e d  i n  b i r t h

t o  t h e  p o i n t  o f  p a r t i a l  b l i n d n e s s



in the light of future flooding

I have days where I swell with pride
About what I have and what is mine
My feet shuffle amongst my space
A subconscious smile lights my face
I never thought I’d have all of this
The fact that I’m even here is bliss
So thankful indeed, grateful I am
It would be a disservice to not expand

Another disappointment.
I should be use to it by now.
I just look down and shake my head.
I had actually dared to hope.
How foolish of me.
I approached the situation with mild enthusiasm.
Why cant you just be the parents your suppose to be.
The ones who you promised to be, to to the judge and the men in suits.
Its been 9 year now.
Your not the mom and dad i'd hoped you'd be.
And now to be honest i just want a refund.
I want a different childhood.
Because mine is a disappointment.

When I look into your eyes,
God is granting me a glimpse of what’s to come:

warmth and love,
wholeness.

His discerning hand working,
blessing us with children.

I see challenges and difficulties,
but with His help, nothing insurmountable.

We have strength and confidence
to provide for our children and love them unconditionally.  

Our children-
A patchwork quilt of love:

A brilliant child- once institutionalized and neglected-
who knew no comfort or hope-
knows love and belonging.

A healthy child- once lonely and scared
with an aching, distended stomach-
is now happy and strong.

An able child- once contorted,
powerless to walk, left isolated and discarded-
takes steps to accomplish dreams.

I see their smiles.  
I feel their joy.
We are family.

They are growing and thriving-
achieving and succeeding.
We believe in them.

Though only glimmers in your eyes,
they are beautiful and we love them.

People are all equal,
but
is it completely true?
Homosexuality
remain marginalized.
They are normal
people;
they want to
have normal lives.

Children are in foster cares.
Homosexual couples
would love to have kids,
but it is still illegal.
We all need a family
that teach
us
about
equality.

Gay
couples value having
children.
They
can
bring them
love,
education, and
security
for
the happiness of
children.

Blue baby born to a future with no past,
Time with "mother" was no time at all
So many paths to be taken
Where could life sustainabley last?
A soft floor, learn to crawl
A foreign language to be foresaken
But in the light there is always darkness
Isolation follows groups
Past issues should be resolved first
Adoption only after harkness
Otherwise, prepare for hoops
This is the beginning of my beautiful, cursed

The picture of you is getting worn out,
I bring it everywhere,
My back right pocket is where you are,
always.
It’s the only way I can think of
To have you be a constant part of my life.

It’s not supposed to be this way,
You’re supposed to be there for me,
always.
You shouldn’t have been ripped away from me like this,
All it’s done is bring me pain.
Mommy, the one thing I can never call you to your face.
Calling you by your name,
is what brings me the most pain.

I wish you knew that I loved you,
I wish you knew that if I could be with you,
I would.
I would do anything for you,
anything at all.
I wish you knew that everyday I cry over you,
and every night in my dreams,
I do to.
There is not a second of the day I’m not thinking of you,
no matter how hard I try, you always creep back into my mind.

I do what I do to make you proud,
I do what I do hoping you will approve.
I do what I do because I love you,
and don’t want you to think anything less of me.

I sit here all day,
And wonder,
what my life would be,
if you had stayed.
How it would be different,
How it would be the same.
I go through everyday,
Wondering what it would be like,
Imagining what it could be like,
Imagining the person I could have been.
I wonder how you would be different,
How Daddy would be different.
I wonder everything.

I wonder if you had a time machine,
and you could go back to the start,
and erase what you had done,
if you would.
Erase me from your mind,
erase me from your soul.

Those other kids don’t know what it’s like,
to be ripped away at such a young age,
to be taken from the only thing you know,
to be taken from the only thing you love,
And placed in the hands of someone else,
who doesn’t move the same,
sound the same,
feel the same.
The pain doesn’t end,
and I can’t stop the wondering.

The tears stream down my face,
I’ve lost something I can never replace.
The tears drip on the picture of you,
smearing the ink.

Momma I miss you,
Momma I love you,
Momma I need you,
Momma why don’t I get to have you?

March.
The month I was born,
brought into the world.
March.
The month where it all got ripped away.
Everything I ever knew,
everything I ever loved,
taken away and replaced,
with something new,
something strange.
It didn’t move the same,
feel the same,
sound the same.
The month,
now a days,
where I experience the most pain.
Most kids would be happy it’s their birthday,
but not me,
at least anymore.
I know now that that day
Was the most traumatic incident of my life.
The day my everything was taken away.

Just because I wanted to die,
Doesn't mean I wasn't living.
I was Just barely scraping by.
But it was enough.
To chain me to a pipe.
Here's to hoping
That this was our last goodbye.
And To the days you couldn't get out of bed.
Here's To the days you were the monster under your own bed.
I am still writing.
In hopes that it's enough.
To let my words out.
They are screaming,
For the chance to be heard.
I am still here.
With a heart beat,
to make the waves
that your inner tube jumps to.
Like the lake wasn't deep enough,
So you added my hoop to jump through.
I am waiting,
for my life to begin,
but it has already started,
where there was once was an end.
I was adopted.
Thank god for those two,
people who fell in love for night.
Thank God,
For the wrongs who made a right.
Because I am still here.
And that is enough.
My God, that is enough,
There is a light,
that keep shining.
And I cannot sleep
when there are stars that are dying.
I look up,
to the sky that goes on forever,
because maybe you are looking there, too.
I was crying,
On the day that I met you.
Wondering if I would be enough.
Wondering If I was what you thought of.
Because for years,
I thought of a face that I could be.
Somebody who actually looks like me.
Like I look in a mirror,
and I saw you looking at me.
My Mom.
Wherever you are just know,
That I see you
in every,
Star.