I didn't know what you'd say.
I didn't know what you'd do.
That day l asked
"Will you let me love you?"
With tears falling from your eyes
I wish I could say I was surprised
When you replied
"No"
Even though I already knew,
I had to ask why.
"Why?
Because I refuse to listen to your heart
Break as you watch me die."
My heart's already been broken.
It breaks every time
I walk out that door.
Please, you don't have to suffer alone
Anymore."
You say "it's not fair to you"
As you let your face hide
Behind a curtain of your Auburn hair.
"You're right. It's not fair to me.
Not fair to you. But that's another thing we could share. I love you."
"I love you too."
4 little words made my heart whole.
4 little words, and now she's forever a part of my mind, body, and soul.

Four minutes to do what you want
What ya gonna do?
Listen to a pop song
Get half a *******
Smoke a cigarette
Drive round the block
Read two pages of a book
Do fifty press-ups
Recite a poem or two
Watch most of Tom and Jerry
Fly a fuelled up Meserschmitt 163
Queue for a news paper
Chat up your friend’s wife
Have a short nap
Take a few photos on your phone
Say Hi to a stranger
Check your emails
Get bitten by a venomous snake
Write a letter to your mum
Take the dog a walk
Do some mediation to prepare
Or do what in four short minutes
There’s so much you can do
When the nuclear attack warning sounds
And you have just four minutes to live
Before you’re horribly killed
By the ******* bomb...

So my brain thought of another stupid thing;  "You don't deserve to hurt this way. You don't deserve to hurt at all. So please, let me in. I will help protect you from yourself. You've been there so many times, I don't want you to fall." And it's true. I don't know if I will be able to fix you with poetry and stupid nursery rhymes, but I will try. I don't think I'll be able to fix you at all. Maybe I am, who knows? I'll always try. Will you just let me in? Not only in your mind, not only in your words, but in your heart? I want to help you with every bit that I can. And, I get that's not enough. My words will never be enough. But, I will try. So please give me the chance to? That would be enough. Whatever horrible things it are that you're feeling, I will try to understand them. To understand them, and to help you get them away. Because you don't deserve to feel bad. You don't and you never did. And I get that my words will never be good enough to live up to your expectations, but please, please. Will you give me a chance? I love you, I really do. So let me help you, let me in. It doesn't have to be soon, it doesn't have to go fast. But remember that whenever you need me, I'll be there waiting. Waiting with all my words. To make you feelbetter, even in the slightest way.

it is what you most fear, your reoccurring nightmare, the thing you can not grasp, understand, that shorts your brain, that death is the end, there is no after life, no purpose to your existence, no just god sitting on a throne, dispensing justice, punishing the evil, rewarding the good. reality is too hard and harsh, you pray to god, is it true, you are more my creation than i am yours.

how do you reconcile the fact that you know so deep down inside is true. you lie to yourself, suppress the fear, repress the thoughts, ignore what you see with you own eyes. the fear rises, the anxiety worsens, the insomnia lengthens, you fall prey to cognitive dissonance. to understand is to forgive, the anger, the irrational behavior.

the idea that you are mortal is unbearable, that you will die, your flesh rot, and be forgotten. how any man can make sense of it and live, court, marry, have children, when the world has spun out of control, the three horses are here. the pale horse is coming, it will soon be time to die.