Now I've got a lifetime to consider all the ways
I've grown more disappointing to you
As my beauty warps and fades
I suspect you feel the same
When I was young, I dreamt of a passionate obligation to a roommate
Is this the part where I get all I ever wanted?
Who said that?
Can I get my money back?
Just a little bored in the USA

Dear Ex-Best Friend,
Remember all the times we spent together,
everyday started with meeting before classes started because that was the only
time we could talk until lunch,
remember all the times we laughed so hard we cried?
Do you remember all the times we had to hold one another in times of the need
because we thought all we had was each other?
Yeah.. Me too.
We spent all the time in the world texting and calling each other.
Things changed a little since I got a boyfriend,
but I never replaced you.
You always had a special place in my heart, and I think you always knew that.
We drifted apart, like two boats at sea.
You switched back to the school you came from,
and it felt like my life had just sunk.
Suddenly I was all alone in the hallways,
Coming in to school was like hell,
Seeing the spot we used to stand in,
Occupied by another set of best friends,
Or maybe two high school sweethearts- Making out like there's no one around.
It was so lonely without you.
You seemed happier where you were though, and at that time, that was all that mattered to me.
I walked the hallways with a sad, sorrowful look.
Teachers frequently asked if I was sick, or if I needed to lay down.
Suddenly I was that one kid that everyone wanted to pick and beat on. (Again.)
I was incredibly lonely at school, I couldn't even sit with anyone at lunch because I was so hated by so many people for reasons I didn't even know.
Come upon my junior year I got a month and a half into the school year before
I switched to the school that you went to.
I was reunited with my best friend,
Life seemed so good.
I was with my boyfriend, and my bestfriend.
It felt like nothing could stop me from gaining happiness.

You began going through boyfriends,
They would come,

and they would go.

I was put second to all of them.
There were days I was so depressed I didn't function correctly,
and all we would talk about is what you and your boyfriend did the previous night.
I was so happy that you were happy,

but I think I forgot the definition of "Happiness."
Everyday was full of being ignored and having guys' push past me so they could hug you while I sat in the sideline just waiting there, tears filling in my eyes because I realized that I wasn't significant to my best friend any more.
I couldn't help but wonder what I did wrong.
I got tired of feeling this way,
I grew up, and realized that highschool isn't meant for gaining the love and affection of people.
I proceeded to end the friendship because it wasn't making me happy anymore.
I understand that a true friend stays there through everything but in no way, shape, or form did I deserve to be kicked to the curb like a diseased puppy.

It hurt, It hurt like a *****.


But ultimately , I'm gonna be okay in the end.

And I hope she ends up okay, too.
But, just be okay without me.

My eyes stare directly into your soul,
but all I receive is a blank expression.
I look at you, expecting a warm glow to greet me
How my mother used to after I got dropped off from the bus
after school.
Nothing is the same and things seem to be so distant and cold.
Where did this take the wrong turn?
I can't seem to sleep anymore
and it looks like my friends were right about you all along.
I don't know what I did wrong,
and I'm sorry for what ever it is.
I search my mind for something to say, but I guess it can wait.
Do you sleep anymore?
My eyes shake, they frantically take to whatever they can
but it's dark and empty
Exactly how you turned me.
I should've crashed the car, the night I drove alone.
You talk like someone else,
I ran away from this, and now something's hurting me.
Every where I go is a memory of what we couldn't be.

I wish I could escape from all I know.
So
Here
I
Go

I know it's getting bad again when every day seems to blend in to another.
I know it's getting bad again when I can stare for hours at a wall, seemingly endless thoughts.
I know it's getting bad again when even the most appetizing of foods begins to make my stomach twist and turn like a boa constrictors body wraps around its prey.
I know it's getting bad again when my tears don't seem to have the ability to form when all I wanna do is cry.
I know it's getting bad again because I push everyone who loves me, away.
I know it's getting bad again when all I do is sleep.
I know it's getting bad again when my body aches from being in bed from hours among hours, even days.
I know it's getting bad again.
it's bad again.

I scroll through many pictures, from many friends
But they aren't friends.
They are simple just faces with a name set in front of them
with no soul, just a technological aura.
You don't know where their lives have gone,
what deep dark roads their minds have decided to take.
But what you do know is the way they do their hair, or their makeup.
You know a generalized assumption of who or what they are.
Soul's no longer seem to have meaning,
not like they once did.
Children will completely develop by the age 13,
With fake eyelashes and acrylic nails,
but when I was thirteen the only thing on my nails was the stains
from the mud in which I used to once play in.
Poverty ridden streets are just as ridden with $2,000 dollar cameras to capture the pain in someones life,
yet no change is given.
One day greediness and selfishness will be awarded
when the neediness is outshined
and selflessness is seen to be crazy.
We live in a TV,
and the streets are the circuits.
The government is running us,
worse than a circus.

Sometimes I see things I don't always want to see..
Like the times when he has a few drinks too many,
and suddenly he's changed..
The sparkle in his eyes are much different from when he's
maybe just high and sometimes sober,
He goes from gentle to angry in a matter of mixes,
I don't understand,
what he thinks what his tricks is.
I do enjoy the warmth from an occasional drink,
but I sometimes have to resort to fear in which I slink.
I worry if he will get home okay,
I really hope so, so that he can see the brightness of the new day.
I love him with all my heart but I hate being treated this way,
This is my dilemma,
and in this dilemma
I
Stay.

she was as cold as the winter
            full of frost and bites on her delicate skin
            always wearing a scarf bearing cold colors
            but she is as intelligent as the raven
            and her potential is to not be underestimated
he was bright as the summer
            a ray of sunshine that his heart has captured
            his eyes as warm as the trees and the earthy soil
            a goofy smile and a cheesy laugh he can hold
but they both wondered to themselves
            from a distance of a single season that separates
            and puts them apart
            ‘what is love with its warmth and frost’
through the frights and scares
            and the hope of light at the end of a roller coaster ride
            to the seemingly never-ending valley of lilies
            and through the glaciers of darkness
that’s what love holds for us
            it is heaven or hell or whatever it is
            a paradise worth finding
            or a purgatory waiting in chains
it is a letter full of something
            or maybe even nothing at all
            chocolates and daisies?
            forget about it
the season that separates the wondering opposites
            it is the fall of the two for the other
            it could be the literal fall
            or the ‘falling head over heels’ kind of fall
love does not matter on your gender
            nor does it matter not on your preference
            it just matters that you have someone to count on
            or maybe even a shoulder to cry on
it is like the aroma of a coffee bean
            the scent so attracting yet when tasted
            you may or may not decline it
it is also like the essence of vanilla
            sweet and innocent
            but will be missed when it is gone
love is like when you’re the toothpick
            seemingly strong and firm at first
            but with a snap
            you can easily fall to the merciless ground
it is sentimentality
            a chemical defect found on the losing side
            for not throughout this journey
            will you always find peace among the storms
it is the range of numbers from zero to ten
            for the happiness, as all emotions do
            may fade away due to the negativity
it is the whisper of students among corridors
            soft but can easily be caught
            full of gossip or full of truth
            but I could choose to believe neither
            because that four-lettered word
            made people less of what they once were
love, it can break you
            yet, with such irony
            it could mend you
            and it would be the person who destroyed it
            who would come back
            to make you feel whole again
no more holding hands in the hallyways
            or even deserted places
            that seems to be ‘romantic’
            for these are just creepers
            and things could flip upside down
with just a snap
all those things they say about love
            not all of them could happen
            from written words of our imaginations
            to the writing of it onto parchment with our pens
            it is what we wish to happen
for this world could ever be so harsh
            to the bad but especially to the good
            that we find another way to escape from it
and so summer and winter never met
            never did they cross their boundaries
            for the cycle of the seasons
            is like love
there would be battles won in the frost
            a dose of happiness in the spring among birds
            the moodiness of both in the hot summer
            and the transition and neutrality that autumn gives
for even love
            must be known to have its routine.

Music doesn't lie,
it doesn't hurt,
It sometimes barely fades.

Music gets in our heads just as easy as the words said
by loved ones right before bed.
The look someone gets in their eyes when they hear their favorite song,

Music can heal,
it brings us together, we stand strong.
There is no race to music, because you can truthfully enjoy anything.

Music combines us together,
So why can't we make love and not war?
why does the world have to be so torn?
Achieving happiness is a deep enough struggle,

So sit down,
Chill out and listen to some tunes,
Because you never know the day that will be your last.

Enjoy the melody,
let it put a smile to your face,
The music will flow through you,
and make you feel whole again.

The fungi has started to grow again,
coming from inside, rotting within.
My eyes scan the room from left to right,
there's nothing interesting,
anywhere found in sight.
I remove myself to explore and play,
into the forest I go, around midday.
As I wander and wonder,
my thoughts twist around me, causing a fluster.
All of this just because of,
some guy.
It's not your normal fungi,
it's the kind that if you touch it,
it will rot you from your delicate finger tips
to the very light that is your soul.
The kind of fungi to ruin your night.
So as I lie here, accepting my fate,
that evil demon comes creeping,
to smile in my face.
I'm all too weak to continue on,
finally letting go of myself, collapsing like a fawn.
My skeletal remains,
shimmer in the sun-
reflecting light like the barrel of a gun.
It's hard not to notice that toadstool right there,
growing from what would be my hair.
The fungi still loves to decay,
what was once me
One,
Very
Cold
October
Day.