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I look for you
in everyone.
 Mar 2018 Swasti Jain
Kimmie
I am so perfect
That's what you said
But one day I wake
You suddenly left

I want us to last long
Tell me what I did wrong
But you wanna be alone
So who am I to say No

Yes I did everything
To keep us working
Thought you did same thing
That's what I'm thinking

Now that you are gone
I guess now I am done
Done with one sided love
The love I always have
Have you ever wanted to do something just once,
Only once and never again, and then have it be as if
You'd never done it at all?

It was summer, like now:
Hot, hazy, sweaty--even in the evening.
The brook ran low, between banks covered with alders,
Overhanging, tall, immense;
The mountains were purple, indefinite through the mist;
The pines looked almost black.
You could smell the summer--scents from the marsh--
Things in their prime--you could hear them,
Tweeting and chirping and buzzing and peeping and croaking,
And barking and hooting:
Dead mid-summer--hot, sticky, buggy.

After the sun set, but before it was dark,
When you can still see, but everything's a different color,
I stood on the old bridge
Where the brook runs under the back road
On its way from the marsh, down through the village,
To the big river and the lake beyond.

I was looking up towards the plateau, trying to lose myself,
When around the bend, banking against the alders,
In formation, like separate missiles shot from different cannons
At the same moment, at the same velocity,
In the same direction
With systems to navigate and turn, elevate and descend, dart,
Follow the stream bed,
And stay exactly the same distance from each other,
Like an entity with an awareness
The no one part could experience,
Came a flight of bats, moving too quickly to count.

They rocketed under the bridge,
Appeared on the other side, raced
Down a straight stretch, veered right
And disappeared with the brook into the meadows
Headed for the dark pines, the rapids and beyond.
You could hear the swish of their wings as they passed
And their high-pitched pings, like the highest notes on a harp.
In a blink they were gone, in their ecstasy flying on,
And I wanted to be them, all of them at once--
Just once.
I think there is a consciousness in a well-coordinated group that no one
member can experience--that's why I wanted to be all of them.
I can run
                from
every monster in
my nightmares
                   But
I can't run from
       Me...
What does this life yearns for?
What is your purpose?
Do you require weapons?
Are you preparing for a battle?
Where is the battlefield?
Is the mind the ground you are battling on?
The weapons are made ready, the battle is set,
The enemies, your emotions are drawing closer.

A drop of silence suddenly fell to the ground,
Then a voice like a thunder roars out loud,
Asking questions that linger through,
What are you fighting for?
What are you seeking?
What is the reward for the victor?

It's the battle against the will and emotions.
The fight not to make unworthy decisions.
It's a defining moment
Whether to cross a bridge or build a new one.
To win is of no concern
But to gain control is the challenge.
The TRUTH is what we seek,
Unknowingly we all search for an
**Epiphany
At one point we all question what is the purpose of our lives. Eventually we reach a point where we find epiphany.
Did any of you experience this?
... physical and emotional,
my constant companions,
cannot rival Jesus Christ
my eternal lover and

FRIEND


SøułSurvivør
(C) 7/15/2017
Something I read tonight really disturbed me. And I feel it is necessary to explain why I am not on site as much as I'd like to be. I am reposting this on Twitter and Facebook also, as I have not been on those sites in many months. I have friends there I have almost literally abandoned, except in prayer.

I'm afraid to say I am in constant pain, my friends. I have severe arthritis in my knees and feet. My feet are literally deformed. And walking is extremely painful. I am not in a power chair. I don't want to go that route. I don't want to lose the use of my lower body entirely. I can't get surgery on either my knees or my feet because I have a problem with my weight which was brought on by medication I was given which I never needed.

I am also a targeted individual. I have been singled out by the Church of Scientology for extreme mental torture. They do this to certain people who are vocal against them. I am one. I was put in the mental health system because they wanted to discredit me. They have almost completely tarnished my name. And I have no recourse because I am labeled mentally ill.

I live in a house that should be condemned. The electrical system has not been fixed since the 1920s. It is a beautiful old house, but in great need of repair. I am constantly on guard for fire.

My father is in the hospital. He is in a deep depression because of his physical condition. He was always very active in his life. He is a Master Gardener but now cannot do the things he loves. He is completely deaf, and nearly blind. Now he cannot speak. He has a tracheostomy and a feeding tube in his stomach. He considers his life a living death. I don't know what to do for him except to pray.

Yes, I have many troubles. But I consider none of them a comparison to the glory I will experience when I get to heaven to be with Jesus. What he does for me even in this life is nothing short of miraculous. Even with all these troubles above I am joyous. I cannot do the things that I wish to do. I find it hard to follow my friends on the various sites mentioned above. And I do feel sorry for that. I have thought carefully about which site to follow. Because I love poetry and the poets on Hello Poetry, and they are my oldest friends, I have decided to stay here. I'm not able to read as much as I'd like, but that is no fault of theirs. I want to thank those who follow me through all this from the bottom of my heart. You bring me a great deal of Joy to my life.

My life is actually very full. I have friends who I talk to, and pray with, on the phone. Because I am essentially a shut in, this is very important. I can't go to church for the above reasons. Everywhere I go my name is being slandered by this nefarious cult. But my friends, who I've had for many years some of them, know that what is said about me to be lies. We talk and we pray for hours. I pray for all of you. Usually I would not mention my prayer life. It is something very personal to me, as it should be. but I just want you to know how much I love you all.

I say none of this for sympathy. That word is between s*** and syphilis in the dictionary. I simply say that Jesus Christ is literally saved my life. There is no way I could endure any of this if it weren't for Him. I sincerely hope that some of you can find the joy that I experience. It is only through great suffering that one finds this kind of happiness. Please read the Bible quote below. Thank you all for reading!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
________

Breathe deeply,
taking in the taste of the salty air,
that lives upon the chaotic sea.

As waves crash a shore;
my heart takes flight
with each pounding tide,
my passions ride,
and with each roll
there comes a kiss.

Owed to my Sea born lover,
stole my heart,
under cover of the rolling waves.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton
 Jul 2017 Swasti Jain
The Writer
The bridges we built with a desire to connect
Slowly rust down with habitual neglect

Weathered by sadness through salty tears
Broken down by accusations and continuous fears

A desolate structure made to last
Soon, a forgotten memory in the past

With love and care, it could have flourished
But when left too long in the dying sun, it perished
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