Yours is the only skin
That has ever touched mine
That didn't taint me
I could look in the mirror
Look in your eyes
Find comfort
You looked in mine
You saw the demons
I tried to look down so you wouldn't notice
But you never saw me the same
Every other touch
Disgusts me
The only eyes I see now
Are mine
Glossy and red
Reflecting in the mirror
Blue green ever shifting eyes
And I'll continue my steady gaze
I'll stare at nothing in particular
I'll turn into a statue
Cold hard stone
Or I'll be steel so I won't crack

I am a puzzle.
You don't understand me,

But that's okay,
because if you did

*what sort of puzzle would I be?

MY OLD LIFE WAS BETTER,
MY OLD LIFE WAS SIMPLER,
MY OLD LIFE WAS HAPPIER,
MY OLD SELF WAS WORTHY,
MY  OLD SELF WAS PRETTY,
MY OLD SELF WAS BEAUTIFUL,
MY OLD SELF WAS SKINNIER,
MY OLD SELF WAS USEFUL,
MY OLD SELF WAS PERFECT.



MY OLD SELF HAD CONFIDENCE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A HAPPY LIFE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A LIFE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A MOM,
MY OLD SELF HAD EVERYTHING,
MY OLD SELF LOVED HERSELF.
MY OLD SELF WAS LOVEABLE,
MY OLD SELF WAS LIKEABLE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A VOICE,
MY OLD SELF IS DEAD,
MY OLD SELF IS GONE,
TRAPPED BENEATH ALL THE PAIN,
THE ANGER IS FORCING BACK.
MY OLD SELF WILL NEVER COME BACK.






NOW I'M STUCK,
NOW IM LOST,
NOW I CRY,
NOW IM FAT,.
NOW I'M UGLY,
NOW I'M WORTHLESS,
NOW I'M HELPLESS,
NOW I'M USELESS,
NOW I'M IMPERFECT,
NOW IM SCARED,
NOW I'M QUIET,
NOW I'M SOLD OUT,
NOW I HAVE NO HEART,
NOW I'M COLD AS ICE,
NOW I HAVE NO FEELINGS,
NOW I'M USELESS,
NOW I'M NOT HAPPY,
NOW IM SAD,
NOW IM GONE,
NOW IM DEAD,
NOW I'M TIRED,
NOW IM HEART BROKEN,
NOW I WILL NEVER BE SAVED,
NOW I WILL NEVER BE SEEN,
NOW ALL ILL DO IS HID FROM THE TRUTH,
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS BAD AND IT STINGS IT PINCHES ME WITH EVERY TOUCH.
NOW I WILL GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK.

If I told anyone
That I was feeling down today
They would tell me to hush
And that it will be okay
The same thing that I used to say
When I didn't know that sadness
Didn't simply fade away

Somewhere out there
Or very close
There's someone somewhere
There has to be, I suppose
Who understands
Who really knows
How quickly sadness comes
And how slowly it goes

If they're reading this right now
I really wish that someway
That somehow
They'd stop
As the world continued around
To come and hold me
Without making a sound

Just to lie with me for a moment or two
So that I won't be alone
As this storm blows through
And I feel as if,
This is all they'd have to do
So tell me darling,
Is this person you?

I can not communicate the feelings I have- often I find myself screaming in my mind to just say it, tell them "I'm numb to everything and I am sad" but I refuse myself but then in turn hurt those who try to love me and come close to me.

It is not advised that you come near me, be my friend nor even acquaintance for I will pull every ounce of  life out of you. I will draw you in with my smile make you laugh with my quick wit, you will love me and I know it, for I have watched people fall in love with me far too many times.

But once you watch me fall into the home of my demons you think you can be my ultimate cure.

You will try and seek an answer and perhaps put my pieces back together once more- the last whom has tried gave up, as will you.

What is broken can not be fixed not even with the greatest amount of love, care and patience. You will leave feeling weak and angry- everyone always does but do not fret, for you will soon forget me as I am still trapped in the deep corners of my mind- trying to find a way to escape.

Years after you have forgotten me and all our pleasant memories fade- we will reunite once again when you stand above my grave. My demons devoured me- took me away and you will remember the day you took my hand and said " I will not go away"

But where were you

Where did you go

I'm sorry for the blood I left in the sink

Wouldn't it be neat
If I didn't cry this time?

Wouldn't it be cool
If he didn't have to leave?

I miss you already
and I was just in your arms

I miss you already
because my love,
   You're gone.

“Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to **** yourself or not.
Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning and an end.
Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.
There is only one serious question. And that is: Who knows how to make love stay?
Answer me that and I will tell you whether or not to **** yourself.”
― Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker

Love at first sight? No son, your vision's blurry,
What's encapsulating your feelings is lust
Powerful, but short-lived
Pleasurable through every taste
But after each taste, that void to quench your thirst will remain
If love is a force, lust must be an energy,
Here for the moment, but we don't know how long it will last.

My heart was covered by ice
Now it has melted cause of lies
And I realize what's under it
Is way too weak
I had never cried
Now my pillow shines bright
I used to be strong
Now I feel like in these stupid songs
I've got knives in my chest
My throat is all compressed
It's so hard to keep breathing
I guess I just started what's called living