hannie

hannie Jul 2016

I’ve seen the moon disappear behind the far horizon.
I’ve seen stones crumble on concrete.
I’ve seen my hands tremble beneath soft touch.
I’ve seen pouring rain of storms and the shadows burn
And my tears dripping to the carpet in waterfalls and droplets.
I am an unstable dust storm,
a volcano ready to explode
and the magma might burn
everything that I loved,
leaving nothing good behind.
I am an unstable dust storm,
I can’t conquer this town alone.
I need you to drown my emotions and lingering feelings
even if they end up in a huge pool of nothing
but black spots

ramblings

#life #ramblings

hannie Jul 2016

the house

I opened every curtain and every window
and the doors were slammed open as if it helped me
catch a scent of you somehow,
as if it helped me stop you in your tracks.
my heart had something tugging on it,
it almost bursted from racing so badly
and my eyes were blocked from all the aching
or was it just the dreaming
or the running?
I wasn’t devastated about you being gone
and I still missed you –
just in a different way.

#love #longing #missing

hannie Jan 2015

recently

recently i've been hopeless

desperately
hopeless

but

strangely enough

i feel myself

hoping

yes, that's what i am:

hopeless but hoping

I don't know. This is not a poem.

#poem #sad #hope #not #*** #feeling #recently

hannie Nov 2014

i wish you were like the sun

it's 4 a.m.
the sight is getting clearer
and i know
the sun is going to shine on my window sill
and the beams will hit my bed
on the spot where you used to lie
and i wish you were like the sun
the one i'll wake up to in the morning
but you're gone
and the sun has just taken your place
and it's supposed to be warm on that spot
you know
but whenever i touch it
it feels incredibly cold

Not a poem but... there's been something that I've been missing lately.

#love #desire #yearning #goodbye #longing #gone #missing #close #emptiness #long

hannie Nov 2014

new york city

I'm walking down a street
and it's the same old street
all over again

I'm crossing a road
and it's the same old road
all over again

I want to get away
Not because I don't like it here
Not because I'm bored

In fact, I am hungry for more

I want to explore
Not because I don't read
Not because I've never travelled before

It's simple, I'm hungry for more

One day I will live in New York City
with large windows
and a beautiful view

One day I will see all the possibilities
and I won't waste time
and grab every chance

One day I will be able to see
the sun rise and set
right before my eyes
every single day

One day I will place plants all over the place
and learn to love the noisy traffic
and admire the cold rain

One day I will create my own little world
in that large city
surrounded by many other people with their own little worlds

One day I will live in New York City
and my world will collide with others'

One day I will walk down a new street,
cross a new road
and bump into you

One day we'll start talking
and we'll take a walk
until it's five in the morning

One day, maybe,
eventually
I'll be falling for you

One day, in New York City,
surrounded by so many other little worlds,
you might fall for me, too

This is my biggest wish. My only to-do-list.

#dream #world #change #new #wish #town #ambition #city #move #york

hannie Nov 2014

the biggest liar

you were unstoppable
you were addicted
not addicted to me
but addicted to lying to me

you lied about your gender,
your story,
your background,
and most importantly
you lied about your feelings

i woke up one day
just to realize
how every single word
you have ever said
was never true

you didn't mean what you said
and i knew it
i felt it
but you kept denying it
you kept saying you were telling the truth

do you even know what the truth is?

i doubt that

i doubt that you are unhappy
i doubt that you are lost
i doubt that you are lonely
i doubt that you are insecure

now i understand
i was just a game
that you kept winning

and now i am the game
you will always lose

*******. ******* for catfishing me over one and a half year, stealing my time, wasting my energy trying to save you. I missed you long after I found out because I thought the person behind it was true. But nothing about you was ever true. So I stopped missing you. And I'm letting go of you.

#feelings #hate #betrayal #hurt #thoughts #unhappy #bitter #disappointment #lie #catfish

hannie Apr 2014

loner

doesn't it hurt
to see how nobody cares
when you're gone

doesn't it hurt
to be on your own
when things go wrong

doesn't it hurt
to feel like everyone could
be just perfectly fine without you

doesn't it hurt
how nobody ever asks why
when you're feeling blue

doesn't it hurt
to realize that everyone
is thinking of their future
without you being part of it

doesn't it hurt
to feel alone
even when you're with friends

doesn't it hurt
to feel invisible and unwanted
in a crowd with so many people

thoughts

#sad #depressed #alone #dark #hurt