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I think sunset is the most dangerous time
When we all stand staring at colors in the sky
Forgetting
The sunrise to new reds, pinks, and oranges

The blue sky is forgotten
And the way the rays beat upon our skin
Harming
Our lips leaving cracks and parched tongue

Do we remember the swaying grass?
The boulders that lay along the path
Blocking
Us from the cool relief of the ocean

Our muscles burned with new adventure
The wind kissed us and we kissed back
Wishing
For a little more time and a little less

No one thinks of the birds' conversation
Their brief melodies spawned passion
Developing
Attachment or shedding what little we had

I still remember the blues of the sky
But now our shadows stretch longer
Losing
The feeling of noon's light and heat

I still feel the sandman's kiss in my eyes
The subtle and hopeful beginning
Rising
Eagerly so that I may see the sunset
 Jun 2016 shaffu shafiq
Sam Hotz
Constellations vaporize,
and cobwebs
littered with suicidal fireflies
intoxicate my mind.

Midnight's fluorescents
blind red eyes,
as I sleepwalk through the clouds
of a whiskey haze.

Blasting heavy metal
while cutting in the shower-
I sink fast
into quicksand, the black hole
of old habits.

The mirror is fogging up;
my reflection
dances in pixelated waves,
and popping pain pills
kills nostalgia.
I watched how violence manifests in the hearts of men.
When I walked passed a spider,
Resting by the entrence of my home.
He had no quarrel with me
Even when i took his sun without say,
Nor was he scared of this great figure
That he would scour away.
It was I who was gripped by fear,
Imagining the unimaginable.
In my minds eye
I had already seen my death at the hands of a spider.
My ignorance had lead my imagination
Into a great series of unfortuitous events.
Without knowing, without seeing for my self
It began
With thinking if I leave this door open,
He will enter.
When he enters,
He will make his way to my bedroom unseen.
And when the night takes me away,
He will make sure my soul never returns to this body.
This is when my fears soon turned to hate and anger,
Spurred on by the fear of death
I had no problem sending this creature to the great unknown
That I was scared of.
My superiority in statue,
My enduring strength to **** without the need to feed
And this consciousness I possess to differentiate between victim and transgresser,
Is the proof and worth
Of my life being spared and yours buried beneath the rubble
Allowing worms to feed off your decaying matter.
I will not be reduced to such insignificance
And be shamed by this inferior peasant with no home.
I had seen how fear had contorted my imagination
Influenced my thoughts to vibrate at a low frequency
Of; hate, anger, fear, doubt and anxiety.
With the aid of memory,
What I had conceived vividly in my mind
About how this creature wanted to belittle my existence
Now latched on to feelings from the past
That also vibrate at a low frequency.
The trauma I had to endure
From shame and moments of embarrasment,
Was the great encourager in killing
Preventing a reoccurrence of this pain in the future.
Even though he should succeed in my hyperthetical death
Where I would no longer exist to bare this worry,
I was still scared of what people might think of me after death.
If you have read this far. The spider still lives. I left him where he was. As the impartial and passive head to this temple I call my body, I listened without intruding. I allowed the self to heal my mind without the intrusion of the ego. The spider is welcome into the home I built upon his home.
Men are the seed to the earth,
And women are the fountain of water
that makes that very seed grow.
Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own mind.

It wanders into
Peculiar darkness
And fallen battlefields
It’d pick up the shards of my past
And create illusions of future.

Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own lips
It speaks its own mind
Before my tiny brain could stop it.
It yearns for your kiss
During the sleepless nights I had.
It’d repeat your name, I swear.

Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own self
My legs would run away from physical reality
Like a total coward I am.
My tears would fall by itself
My eyes would hurt
And it’ll stare into emptiness
My hands would write
About things I wanna forget
About love I’ll regret
And about you, too.

Am I losing myself?
Sorry for not writing for quite some time. This thing happens to me frequently though. My body feels alien sometimes.
The feeling I get looking at the moon on a quite night, reminds me of you.
Something about star gazing and hoping to see a shooting star to change it all.

Feel the gentle wind kiss my face like you would in the morning.

The sparkling night sky light up with all the vibrant stars remind me of the looks you would give with those innocent eyes.

Sitting with you in our spot on top of the world as if death was in our control, our finger tips.

Many times I think of going back there in hopes to see you, I stay away of course.

Looking to the sky for answers,
Vast and ever growing, constantly changing around us with out us ever noticing, too busy looking down at our phones or around us trying to bump into the next ****, rush, or release to escape our ignorance.
Here it is always watching, innocent and waiting to have the attention it deserves such as I seek attention from you.
Ill just take my time on my ride.
a list of the things my soul forgot:

i am still brave
i am free
i am beautiful
i have hope
i am redeemed
i am alive
and my story is still being written
i am worth more than the words i write
and i have worth even when i cannot write
and i am also worth more than the sun
and the moon
and the stars
i can dream
i am not perfect and it is okay to struggle
because even though i don’t deserve grace
it is mine
i am lovely
and i am loved
and even if i forget the truth
that doesn’t change that
it is still true.
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