She?
She is a dark skinned girl
With smile as bright as the sun,
With a tender heart that cries for the pain of her friend.

She?
She is just an another girl whom you see in the neighbour,
And to fullfil her dreams she do all the labour.

She?
She is a dark skinned girl
Who wears her confidence in the crowd,
She is intelligent but she
Doesn't cry out loud.

She?
She is a girl who wears those normal spectacles,
And there is no problem that she can't tackle.

She?
She has a lot of stories
That I like to here,
And maybe I would listen to her secrets that she doesn't even share.

She?
She smiles her brightest when she teaches something or when she is telling a funny story.

She?
She is a dark skinned girl
With a soul that I believe is pure,
Who never wish bad for anyone, that i am sure.

She?
She is a girl,
Beautiful and sweet
And I am really happy
That destiny planned our meet.

She?
She is a girl who do not blindly follow the trend
And that beautiful girl,
That girl is my friend.

& the world will become together
as we get together & become a nation.
war & poverty will be filled
with wars of happiness & rich of love.
peace will be eased in everyone's soul
& the demon will let us rest.
we all will be sharing
happiness of & wonderful thoughts;
even more when i look into your eyes
& finally see you pleased
that's when i'm okay.
nothing breaks nothing
& every thing reaches everything
as the death sleeps
like i sleep in your arms.
this world would not be as damaged as before
but as helpful & care enough as tomorrow
with childhood memories in the air
as i smoke your soul
& fullfil my life with what's in it.
the left overs are for the loners
to become -in & pleased
as i stare into the night
admiring nothing but feeling everything.
the scars that once controlled me
& the insecurities that once seized me
are now nothing but dust in the past.
& what if i wasn't smoking here,
but with a knife instead?
would i become an angel?
with all these wonders
nobody wants to miss a thing.
maybe you don't understand me
or this long & messy poem
but there's one thing i want you to know:
nothing feels better than being able to write
& express one's self in a way
no one understands but me.

You drained me out of words
when you show me your world
fantasy full of lies
beneath the dark dark skies.

I was speechless,
motionless,
witless, powerless
to act on impulse
no less.

The culmination of our meeting
lead me into thinking
I am no scatter-brain
to be used for your pain.

Yet something told me
ominous as a dark cloud can be
you are not who you are
a dream, you so callously portrayed to me.

You are a wolf you say
howling, hunting for a prey
in my dreamless sleep you came
bare of everything;
armed with burning desire to fullfil the beast that you became.

You touched me like hell
I was like a wrecking belle
repulsing every movement you take
stopping every attempt you make.

Go away, don't disturb me and my peaceful sleep
go back to God-knows where you came so deep
don' t drag me to your so- called world, sicko-wacko
You're a man not a wolf you know.

Swallow your own thirst
engulf by your own dark mist
drown in your own sorrow
because now I blocked you
to leave me in peace and a better tomorrow.

Each and every person who was born and descended into this world,
was raised by presumably different kinds of sentimental treatments and served by disparate acknowledgement of love.

A baby comes out of the womb not knowing anything at all.
How a human was treated in the times of past, what he has witnessed, and what he felt deeply -  matters in times of present.
It was almost too difficult for some people to be considered worthy and quite deserving of love
Perhaps the insecurities were total agony
But if it were agony
Why do they feel it all the time?

I suppose there are people in the world who were taught the importance of affection
And what to do about loving another
and how to construct love to be real
And there are people in the world who weren’t
There are people who are doubtless convinced about what to make of loving a person
And there are people who do not know what to do with it

Many times I lost sleep to thinking,
What do I have to give, to make a person believe the love that I have?
What quality do I have as an individual to be seen beautiful and content, therefore I can fullfil another?
Do I have the tenderness that I never witness from the way my parents loved each other?
Do I have the patience that my mother was less likely to possess?
Do I have the humane, gentle, practices of love that I never had to see?
If I don’t, would it be easy for me to present my love completely?
Do I really need to demonstrate the way I feel about a person, so that I can be trusted?

The answer is, I believe I have what it takes to love and be loved, whether I have or have not witness the act of great love in my past.

I have ears to listen to whatever uttered by another;
To listen to raspy voice in the morning,
and to weary voice at night
To the sound of whirring spoon in the thick of milk and coffee,
and to the sound of, sometimes, slashes and beatings against the door
To hear what sort of sound do kisses make
and what sort of pain does shouting bring
To recognize the noise of a cheerful laughter
and the tone of mourning weeps
And I have eyes not for looking,
but for paying attention
to every details of such vulnerability that perhaps I cannot fix

Though I do not have the divine nature or impeccable qualities of being a decent partner,
My difficulty and persistence in loving
is why I consider myself as genuine within reason

When I love,
I love with my soul
and give with my soul by all means
I hope my tendencies of being humanely difficult
and my willingness to offer mildly inconsiderable pieces of myself
will be enough to make love lasts for once

Its undescribable, hard to grasp a hold of

The force pulls me in, captivating my heart and soul

I lose control, my world is spinning

Rotating, as we play and switch our different roles

My breath is oblivious, as you softly whisper in my ears "I will never let you go"

We lie on a pile of roses, the petals fly high as we land

I fall in your arms

My security, my everything

My heart is pounding harder

As you glide your hand up and down my side

Affection I haven't felt in a while, only wishing we could freeze time

Sympathetic as we glance through each other's eyes

Everything falls to silence

We put an end to all violence

Unbreakable companionship, as we ponder through each wall

Circulation of our blood flow, correlates as one

Rushing in the same dirrection, even when the moon is not full

You fit the missing piece, the other side that makes me whole

Sleepless nights for enternity, the perfect harmony

As two joines together, forming a mystical fantasy

Discovering like a child, who just learned how to walk

Our desire is to search further, not ever wanting to pause

The emotion lingers with sensation, high quality of depth

Intriguing with each step, to love unconditionally

Promises to be kept, memories to fullfil

A vow to retain

" I will love you til death do us part. In sickness and  in health."

" For the better and for the worse."

I will give you my heart, my soul, my love

And through each storm we will stand together

United as one

I am Mad!
Mad at myself for believing in others
Mad at others for letting me down.
Sometimes I wish I would be vain, wrathful, selfish
I sometimes want to fullfil my inner desires.
Sometimes I want to drink that Hatred poison
Be consumed by greed
And every vice that comes with, I confess!
For it is not fair
Why must I suffer the lash of a whip
Of which I do not deserve?
Or do I deserve everything that comes my way, good or bad?

Why do I come to you holding my plate as you prepare a meal?
I am not on my knees.
Is it because you say you will feed me
And so I take comfort knowing I will eat
But really you do not consider me a portion of your food
So I am left hungry.

A hungry man is an angry man.

I have ill will towards you now.
I wish you drop dead on the table
Just so I can finish your meal.
Why do you torment me so?
As you sit there stuffing your face until you struggle to chew
You pretend as though I do not exist.
I ask for a small bit
You say there is not enough.
It's never enough for you
I hope you choke on your meal, you Glutton!

But I dont really mean it.
You are in the hands of the Lord, your fate is His decision.
I chastise myself for being so gullible
For having no dignity
And having swallowed only my pride
Letting it happen.
Why should I suffer in your hands
As you crush me with a squeeze as you please?
I feel satisfaction at the hands of my own self infliction thank you
So I whip myself until I bleed...
And bleed...and Bleed!...
But not a single drop let
And not a single tear shed.

I smile when I am done
For I have forgiven myself.
I thank you
This will never happen to me again.
I am Stronger and Wiser now.
Now I shall fend for myself in the Hands of the Lord.

What if
... I could turn back time
... I could go forward
... I could change the days
... I could read your mind

What if
... fairytales would come true
... superheroes do excist
... magic was for everyone
... happiness wasn't a bubble

What if
... I could fullfil my dreams
... I wouldn't be too scared
... I didn't lie to myself
... I could get my happy ending.

What if...

Let’s defy these scientific rules for a minute
And immobilize this systematic reality.
Lets make our own personal route
Towards a surreal land, just like fantasy

A place where i could stretch my arm and grab a star
A place where you could sit by my side, holding a jar.

Where we could put them in jar and keep it under the moon.
Then listen to their sweet, soothing and mellow tune.

Where we could make anything from their glowing dust.
Or use them to fullfil our wishes, if we must.

A place where we could be together for *****.
Only if we could defy scientific rules for once.

Will I fall or will I fly ..
I make my decisions with myself in mind
Cross my heart and hope to die
Fullfil my soul is whats in mind

How old are you ?
Is what the lady at the bar said to me
As I argued with her about integrity
Life and repeated history

How old are you, she said to me
Im 22, yea and I'm that aware and that blue.

How old are you the lady at work said to me
As I explained to her how decisions are merly destiny
How people are repeatitions of what was done to them
And how I shouldn't look like what they think I should look like to impress them
Im 23 and it took a while to love myself
I still don't like it sometimes, but I remind myself

How old are you??
The psycologist said to me
As I told him why and how my brain and emotions tangled up and untangled
How I was merly dating to relay on someone for free and that it wasn't right for either him or me.
I explained to him the exact reasons for anxiety
And how I need control cause I was scared by chios in my family
And how a panic attack can be cured mentally
And how I don't want his pills cause I've seen what it has done to others and I have empathy

I said I'm 23
I'm 23
And why does this scenario keep happening to me

He said you're on the right path
Aware and righteous
Keep it up and you'll see


But I wasn't any different and I still wasnt okay
So how could you say that to me

I dont know if I know better
And that's why you're impressed
But even if I did I dont think I do better
And knowing is not a bliss
Ignorance might be
But I can't know that for sure
Cause I can only truly experience life through me
 
So will I fly or will I fall
I  dont know
But I crossed my heart and promised myself to take control
Cause no one has you but you
And when you die what did you do for you ?

So I'm sorry that I left you
I'm sorry that I dont answer texts
I'm sorry that I went out that night
Even though I knew you were a mess
I'm sorry that I wasn't truly there in you're last days
Even though I knew you needed what you needed
But I couldn't give.  
And now you're in heaven's bliss

I make my decisions with myself in mind
And I'm not here to impress
I'm here to survive
And I've learned from the best
That no one has got you but you
So do what you got to do
Before it's too late.

Im afraid

that i might need you a little bit more

And i like to be hugged a little bit longer than you usually did

And my ears will craving your voice a little bit  more than before

And my eyes cant fullfil their hunger when youre not around

And the butterflies in my tummy will flies away when you hurt me

and my lungs will stop working

....my heart  will stop beating

To you:
Who deserves every chance at happiness.
_________________­__
I hope he loves you more than I ever did
I hid my heart behind a ribcage too tightly sealed
I shielded my heart from the thieves inside my mind
I've been blind to not realise the thief is beautiful
with a musical voice that sounded like an angel's choir;
one that I could never tire of.
A big part of me knew that I wasn't good enough, I just knew;
through all that he does, I hope he makes you feel rich
And I hope that he loves you more than I ever did.

I hope he makes you happier than I ever could
I never understood how you could look at yourself in such a light,
you're bright, funny, pretty, beautiful and a million more words
some I've never heard of, but I don't understand
how you managed to find hate against yourself.
I hope I helped you felt a little better about yourself,
I hope I helped you see yourself through my eyes
and the eyes of anyone you have ever met or will come to meet.
I could bleed an ocean, drip by drip from an aching heart
but if it was a start to make you see yourself as a piece of art;
the masterpiece that you are. I would.
I hope he makes you light up with smiles everyday
and say all the right and perfect things to make you feel loved.
I hope he hugs you tight within his arms, holding you to his chest;
I hope he knows he is blessed to have you in his life.
I hope you see that you're magnificent, great, never just plain good,
and I hope that he makes you happier than I ever could.

I hope he reminds you of what it was like to live in dreams
that seamless paradise where everything is so well connected;
the things you expected is right in the palm of your hands,
all the plans you ever made have all in some way came true
the blue that you ever felt in your heart is obliterated
and all the situations you find yourself in makes you happy.
I hope he lets you fullfil your dreams, everything you ever wanted;
I hope he helps you achieve those dreams.
I've seen a glimpse of what your dreams are like,
they are marvellous; and your happiness away from the nightmares;
I hope he cherishes them,
and I hope he cherishes you.
I hope he is always there putting you above the TV or computer screen,
and I hope that he makes you feel like you're living in a million dreams.

I hope you know; I'll be ok. I'll learn to be ok,
no matter how hard it might become for me,
but I hope that he loves you with all of his heart;
and I hope that you find everything you want in life,
the light that brightens your eyes on why you are in many ways amazing,
the racing heart sensation that you would feel with him,
I hope that you will be as happy as you ever wanted.
I hope he loves you more than I ever did, ever do and ever could.

__________________­_

From:
The guy stuck in his own mind, trying to find a way out.