I’m starting to believe that maybe love is an amalgamation of every other feeling but happiness. And that maybe happiness will always work like an anomaly. A sometimes, sporadic product of all those feelings blue and fierce.

I’ve experienced a lifetime of abandonment.
Men walked into my life just as fast as they left.
Father figures blew kisses, locked with lies, masked as promises, telling me, ‘don’t worry, I’ll be back.’
So when you walk into my life, and I let myself, unwillingly, and painfully love you; love you like I know I shouldn’t.
I tense, and I reel, and I lock myself up inside so I don’t have to feel the foreboding sense of pain.
When you tell me you’ll be back. And everything I know, everything that I’ve ever known, tells me that you won’t.

You’re the furthest thing from any form of knight in shining armour
In actuality I’ve already found mine
But I am captivated by the vigour of your free spiritedness
Somewhat consumed by the brooding of your aura
I am addicted to the way in which its easy
and the way that nothing ever needs to be said
I am captivated by our relationship of metaphors
Stimulated by the subtext of our blunt conversation
Deep ocean blue eyes that suppress everlasting adoration
Mischievous smirks that speak a world of sharp truthfulness
Truthfulness that should never be spoken
I am entranced by the shameless way you talk it anyway
And the shameful way you know it

If words could talk, they would say that my heart
has surpassed an eclipse
I was obscured by my own insecurity and
inability to function without you, so much so
that I thought
maybe if you left I would break in two
and again into four
until the pieces of me became as extinct as
the beating hearts of the dead
my undulating and infinite obligation to have to love you
is in fact not an obligation at all,
it is a desire
and an inclination for your paternal approval
your sturdy as rock disposition
is the foundation that keeps me tall at 5ft2
I love you papa and perhaps before
you never knew
just how much you mean to me
but now you know there is nothing stronger
than my fierce ability to protect you
as you have protected me

every day of my life

In moments we suffer we’re like sweet dispositions
To cry in silence and shiver in pain
It all gets too much and we’ll just implode
Communication and network error: Sorry I cannot hear you
My brain and my thoughts are two different puzzles
My mind and my body are two different vessels
My heart and my soul are entities at war
My hope and my dreams are **** on my bathroom
floor
Why I see to see to see to dream what’s real and know what’s not
Mumble jumble goes my brain
beep beep beep network error
server error
brain is error
error
dead

I am drawn towards the broken things
I am a sucker for the broken ones
I am a toolbox mending broken hearts
I am a craftsman building brand new souls
At times I stop and wonder what of mine?
What of my broken heart and fractured spirit?
But I am drawn towards the broken things
I mend to mend myself

My heart is perpetually broken
And the wounds cannot he sutured
The pieces are strings of gossamer, and I a flimsy sheet
I smile at the world but I wonder, why this task befell unto me
To write till I die I will follow, the path that was set for me