I want to go out
And drink coffee.

Talk about life
And kiss you.

But that is silly isn't it?
I don't like coffee much.

I'll just buy some for you
So I can watch you smile.

Then lets dance and laugh because
It's an amazing feeling to be loved.

I sit here crying.
Vomiting.
Smoking.
Dying.

I have no reason
For my sadness
For my anger.
But I am crippled by it.

I cough
The taste of poison
Trailing on my lips
Like paint on a window.

I'm not afraid to die.
Not anymore
You changed that for me.
Thank you.

Thank you for breaking me.
Crushing the final pieces of my heart.
The funniest **** part.
Is that you broke me by not speaking.

So I sit unknowing
Shaking
Hallucinating
Relapsing

The blood pours
The smoke swirls
The pills fall
And I'm in the center of it all

"Are you okay?"
A kind woman asks me
Truly concerned.
And I startled myself with my reply.

I looked up at her smiling.
It looks like I'm baring my teeth.
My eyes not quite able to focus
Tears smearing my makeup.

I reach towards her touching her
To see if she is real, she is.
And I laugh.
Throwing my head back.

Screaming, crying and laughing.
No I'm not okay.
I'm not sane.
I'm not going to survive this.

But that's okay.
We are all born to die.
And die we shall.
But I'm dying laughing.

Where has my lover gone?
Disappeared in the night
I crave to hold her close.
But for now, I will sit up.

The red numbers on the clock tick by
Sometimes minutes feel like hours,
Other times seconds.
Pain is driven into my eyes
But I do not close them.

I begin rocking back and forth
Simply for something to do.
Twirling my hair into odd styles
And trying to obtain night vision
Opening my eyes really wide.

I take out a bottle of pills
Pouring a handful out
Counting them, placing each to my lips
But for tonight
I return them to the bottle.

It’s only 4am
But I’m playing with a knife.
Tossing it in the air
Trying to catch it by the handle
In the black of the night.

Once I’m bored of that
I stare out my window
Praying for the sun to rise.
I rest my head on the pillow
And stare at the wall for an hour.

The sun is rising.
Most people wouldn't know it yet
But it has gotten slightly brighter in my room
So I take advantage and try to write by the light
But fail to see my words.

Laying back down I listen.
My kitten purring, sleeping at my side.
The fans spinning keeping the house cool
Subtle creaks of the foundation.
The dog whining in his sleep.

Oh sleep, my love,
Why do you avoid me?
I’m breaking down.
I can’t go on without you much longer.

Forgive me for avoiding naps as a child.
Is this my punishment?
To never sleep through the night?
What have I done to deserve this?
I’m going mad without you!

Can you at least give me love from another?
Somebody to stay awake with,
To comfort and hold me?
Maybe then I’ll be at peace enough to sleep.

I hear people around me use the term loosely
“Oh I didn’t sleep well last night,
I must have insomnia.”
Even as a child I didn’t sleep a full night,
You chose to stay up and use the computer.
The few times I do sleep
Are usually when I’m drugged.

I've cried from exhaustion
I've purged at night
Hoping it would make me fall asleep.
I've tried working out all day.
Pills. Teas. Working on a paper.
Nothing works.

I will keep my arms open
In hopes my lover will return.
Sleep, my savior
Come back to me.
I need you.

It's raining it's pouring
But we will dance till the morning.
When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall.
I had given you my all.
Kissed the girls and made them cry
I know I promised not to pry.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
Can I ever find my will?
One for the dame
You never one for being tame.
Peter Peter pumpkin eater
Once a liar always a cheater.
Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
I try not to cry, waiting for your call.
Three blind mice, three blind mice
My heart is turning into ice.
The king was in his counting house counting out his money
Now this game isn't so funny.
London Bridge is falling down,
Along with the shreds of my gown.
Ashes! Ashes! We all fall down!
Deep into the water to drown.

Mary Mary quite contrary
Just your name makes me wary
And frightened Miss Muffet away
As I wait for you at home and pray.
Little Bo peep fell fast asleep
So back home you will creep.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
Her heart is broken and all the blame falls on you.
The more he saw the less he spoke
Causing me, on my words, to choke.
She's dead of course!
She is a never ending force!
I pray the lord my soul to keep
Because honey, hell ain't cheap.
I mourn for my love
Just like the distant dove.

He didn't get up in the morning
The sirens are roaring...
Down will come baby, cradle and all
Hide the body behind the wall.
When the boys come out to play
I won't want them to stay.
Jack fell down, and broke his crown
Now I feel like a clown
One for the master
I've never run faster.
Had a wife
Who ended it with a knife.
Couldn't put Humpty together again
Now our relationship has no strain.
Did you ever see such a sight in your life,
All because of a strife
The queen was in the parlor eating bread and honey,
With the world outside so bright and sunny.
My fair lady,
Never looks quite as shady.
A pocket full of posies
In prison I will be nice and cosy.

I hold her hand tightly
Taking care to make sure she is safe
Loved and valued, she is more a woman than I
She calls me her guardian angel.

I protect her from the cruel world
That destroyed me and my dreams.
Shielding her from all the pain around,
Letting her grow at her own pace until she is ready.

But soon I will have to step back,
Holding my breath hoping she won't be crushed
She sees the world in it's true light and soars
As I'm left on the ground, my wings far to broken to fly.

I love her,
So I let her go.