I guess you could call it poetic how by the age of 12 I had no recollection of what happiness tasted like on my tongue. Some would say it was tragically beautiful.
But it was not poetic, nor was it beautiful,  but it was tragic. It was so very, very sad, and that sadness is only doubled now that people see sorrow as glorious.  It is not glorious. It is not strength. It is a lump of iron in your chest and stomach and it eats you from the inside, out and you have no right to think that blood stained wrists are anything other than tragic. So very,  very tragic.

I can't see
I drop to my knee.
I can't breathe
Everything hid underneath.
I can't feel
Anything but steel.
Blood running from my wrists
My hands clenched into fists.
With one final kiss
I have escaped to bliss.

My heart is beating fast
My chest feels like it's being crushed
The need to do something is overwhelming.

To beat the walls with my fists
Tear things apart with my teeth
Scream until I have no voice.

Crush things beneath my feet
Rip my hair out
Cry until it hurts enough to forget.

Forget the world
All the problems
And the people.

Smash my most prized possessions
Curse in a never ending string
Hate everything and everyone near me.

Run until my legs give out
Beating the ground with my open hands
Laughing at how badly it hurts still.

I can't write, I only rip the pages.
I can't sing, I have no voice.
I can't sleep, I'm to afraid of what I'll see.

I can't tell you,
I don't know how to
Phrase my pain so you will care.

My hands shake
My vision blurs
Losing sight of everything that matters.

I want to let go of it all
Just to fly
Away from this feeling.

But it holds tight to my neck
Assuring me it is here to stay.
Nothing I can do will work.

Sweetheart you are so scared,
But I am too.
We have been through so much
But have yet to kiss in public.

Darling don't be afraid,
Take my hand.
Together we are strong
No matter what they think.

Princess please,
Trust that we can.
I love you,
Isn't that enough?

Angel answer me,
I know you can hear me.
Please don't ignore me,
I don't know what to do.

Baby be mine,
don't leave me.
Love is not a crime
We were so beautiful together.

Lover look at me!
What is so wrong that you can't bear to be around me?
Is it that I am a girl?
The same gender as you?

Honey how could you?
Turn your back on me!
Pretend our love never happened!
I miss you more than you will ever know.