when i was a child
my father never checked the closet
i never asked him too
i knew what was hiding there
the secrecy and the skeletons i lay to rest
i kept it shut tightly
locked and sealed
like my mouth
never open long enough
for anyone to know what was going on inside
not even a locksmith could pry open
my closet doors

closed doors
no sense of light
put your hand on mine
when cracks form
color will pour through
your head on my shoulder
a foot more or two
making out shapes

you kiss me
and the door breaks

in back alley ways and missed phone calls
i let the world know i couldn't stay
i waved goodbye to the front door
as i walked to the end of the world
i gave my body permission to decay
and gifted my soul to the north
i took a bite out of the sea
and rejoiced it overlayed
the acrid taste the pills left in my mouth
i layed down to take my bow
and woke up in the same place
and i don't know why i woke up.

girl,
with an accent of blood
a foreign tongue
vowels that sound of metal clashing
warrior,
with fire flowing through her veins
armor for skin
feet that crush the earth beneath her
immortal,
with electricity streaks through her hair
iron filled lungs
each breath invitingly toxic
princess,
with lips of silk
a voice cut from steel
thunder and war in her bones
heroine,
with a grin made for battle
eyes speckled in ash
striding, powerful into the arms of death.

a bird ***** its wings in Rio and there is a tsunami in Tokyo.
there is a tsunami in Tokyo and your father takes your mother to bed, calls her beautiful, does not raise his voice at her, does not leave her alone in a ***** motel room. she unpacks her suitcases and never leaves Missouri.
you do not form in her womb and she stops screaming.
a tsunami occurs in Tokyo and you do not exist and there is a break in the violence of our bodies. you disintegrate before me and I melt back into the earth where I belong and you never stopped loving me.
we unbecome the casualty of our own flaws.
we were never here. we were never gone.
a bird becomes road **** in Rio and you crawl into the womb of your mother, you are the 7th of 7 and the cause of your mother's stress. there is no tsunami in Tokyo and your mother packs her suitcase and leaves for Texas, she unhappily marries your father and stays with him to the bitter end.
there is no tsunami in Tokyo and your mother dies of lung cancer, your father leaves you in may, does not kiss you goodbye, does not look back at you, you pack your stuff and he sends you away.
the birds in Rio do not sing, Tokyo bay does not roar to life.
you are here. you cannot leave.