I want to rap it out
 but I don't know where to start
 it's just so hard

 when 

I talk about things from my heart


 and I don't know how to say this to you
 And be true to myself 
 But I'm not sure I'm ready
 to just put it on a shelf 

 Cause things they keep coming 
 they keep attacking me 
from every angle 
 up down left and right it's all on top of me 

 it's just so hard going through life 

with all these memories 

 Sitting here thinking 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
But all I want is a little bit of closure

It always comes at the worst times
I'll see something while standing in line
And the memories come rushing back
And there's nothing i can do 
Nothing left now but to think about you

Bout the good times we used to have
All the crazy stuff we did and we'd laugh

All the plans we laid out together
Turns out none of it came true
 but it eventually did get better

Man the parties we threw that was fun
And don't forget when we both bought our first gun
Loads of alcohol and bullets plus a suit or two
Life was pretty good hanging with you

Sitting here thinking 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
I'm just trying to get a little bit of closure

You were my best man and i was yours
Life started getting busy and of course
It got harder to keep in touch 
And get together
But we never lost that vibe we survived
Cause we promised i got your back forever

But then the worst happened
You took a nose dive with some bad people
Got hooked on drugs and alcohol 
And they became your steeple 
Started to lose touch and you turned your back on family

It's so ******* up but we been through worse haven't we?!

Today i don't know where you are
I don't know if you're fine 
or if you're living in a car
A dead beat or just dead ashes in a jar

But Man i wish you would hear this
I still got your back you're not friendless 

Sitting here dreaming 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
I think I'm too late to have any closure

To what can I compare her to?
To what could I describe and ring true?

A kiss like the morning rain
Refreshing and life giving
A smile brighter than the sun
That enables all to continue living

Perhaps it's a voice that sings
Like the most glorious of birds
The beauty of it captures me
Resonates to my heart where it rings

Eyes like rubies, no sapphires!
They shine so bright
And fill me with desire

If only I had more than words
Only those given to mere mortals
To describe this angel so lovely
Who must have come to us
Through another worlds portal

As the rain gently falls
The birds continue to sing
I think of the grace I have
All thanks to a mighty king

The trickle of the gutter
A quiet sound but not a mutter
The beauty of it all calms me
Stops my heart from its flutter

As I walked the hills I heard the horns
The stamp of steeds and cry of a hound
I ran towards that iconic call
The hunt was on, I knew the sound

As I watched the fox run and hide
A magnificent creature sleek and fine
The thought intruded upon me
And created an image in my mind

What greater event could I encounter
Of the pursuit of love that I here had

The pursuit of something beautiful
called forth with trumpets and fanfare
Chased by all and caught by few
Tracked and then lost, joy and despair

The chase of the fox
Woman, seductive and coy
Pursued by gross beasts
Determined man and boy

For love like that fox is wily and sly
Catch only a glimpse before it flies by

Sleek and slender a thing of great worth
Pursued by all to bring home to the hearth

For love outside your possession has no value
Home it must reside to bring satisfaction to you

There's so much that I want to say
So much popping up in my feed and head today
But the fact is all that comes out now is
I'm so tired of this

You can't have an opinion unless you're white
You can't have an opinion unless you're black
You can't have, you can't think, you can't do
You're racist, you're not a Christian, you're not Jack

For You see,
I'm tired not for myself
But of all the negativity

I'm so tired of a culture that's bleeding
And we think tapping a keyboard is
Bringing about so much change
But it's not, it's leaving us needing

Needing change that isn't coming
Cause of us it's faltering
A constant uphill battle we've created
But to that end we keep running

We used to go out and help a man in desperate need
We used to give out to the hungry without filming it for our feed

We used to never know what happened on the other side of the globe
But now if we don't then we must be ignorant with a broken frontal lobe

We're called to address so many issues
But we don't take care of the ones that are
Right in front of us in our daily lives
You know the ones that you keep hid deep inside

We call out our fellow man and say I'm better
But the plank in our eyes keeps us from seeing that we have our own fetter.

I'm tired and worn
Maybe you are too
But what do we accomplish
By speaking what isn't true

I want to hear positivity
I want to know i made a difference
I met the need of someone
And created a smile where there was none

A lot have been struggling this year
No job, no money, stuck inside with fear

How about we ignore the social media
And focus on the neighbors that live next door
How about we focus on our communities first before we tackle more

How about we turn off the news
Go outside and make some instead

I'm just so tired and worn.

To Marissa whom I love
the woman of my life
‎my dearest and closest friend
The one about to be my wife

8 years ago in a co-op class
Twas the place that we first met
I loved you from that moment on
Though I didn't know it yet

End of the school year
And parted ways did we
Different directions for a time
The Lord did have us be

Lessons to learn
and morals to keep
Growing in spirit
Our faith in Christ growing deep

Many years later,
Under the fire work lit sky
I finally asked you out
And yes was your reply

I fell in love with
That sparkle in your eye
Deep and blue like the sea
And bright as the sky

I fell in love with your laugh
So joyful and carefree
A testament to God's love
That resides in you and me

I fell in love with you
The peace to my chaos
My calm and balance
Without you I'd be at a loss

I stand here now ready
My vows to pledge to you
Promises of faith and love
And of trials to weather through

I promise to love you
For the rest of my days
I just hope you'll put up with me
And all my crazy ways

I promise to be strong
A shelter ever steady
A place to rest and be at peace
I will always be ready

To hold you tight and close
If comfort is what you desire
Or to simply be a listening ear
When you need to vent your ire

I promise to express
Just how much I love you
Every day for the rest of our lives
Starting now by saying I do

We risk our lives everyday
every time that we clock in,
it's our way of life and what we do
  its the way it's always been.
  
We wake at 3 am to bells ringing
and sirens blare,
we leap to our feet and go get dressed
to fight deep in Hells lair.

In the darkness we don our gear
******* helmet and boot,
as one these brothers all get up
go sliding down the chute.

We run to the truck now wide awake
and with ease we slide in,
we put on our headsets to hear each other all other noise becomes a low din.

We race to the scene where smoke is showing
no one knows who got out,
we put on our airpacks and our masks
to talk we must now shout.

With axe in hand we enter therein
the Devils home amidst the flame,
we quickly search for everyone
boy, girl, man and dame.

The air is hot we can feel it through
the clothe armor that we wear,
but on we search through the building
till we realize we're low on air.

Another​ crew goes in
In their hands the hose
To find the seat of the flames
It's advancement to oppose

We cut the roof we pull the ceiling
Our hands and feet lose all feeling

We find a child we cover them up
We rush back to the door
We bring them to safety and go back in
To check and search for more

For hours the cycle repeats
Till all is said and done
The fire is out, we've done our job
This time we won

No fire is left and all are safe
We put our tools and hose away
And go back to the station
Where hopefully we'll get to stay

Our gears been scrubbed
Time to rest our exhausted bodies

We wake at 8 am to bells ringing
and sirens blare,
we leap to our feet and go get dressed
to fight deep in Hells lair...