God didn't want me to hold you
He did everything in his power to take you away from me
He moved you away and made cell phone plans expensive
He made skype crash and different timezones
He cursed us with bad timing and just a couple of seconds
He cursed us with years of patience
God didn't want me to hold you, but he let me love you
He let me see photographs and your messages in the mornings
I did everything in my power to stay
God cursed me with patience and let me love you so far away
God blessed you with the ability to walk away
And I never felt your skin

It's the most American thing I can think of
They've been wrapped around my body since 4:15 am
It takes 30 students 2 hours to stick 2,996 flags into our soccer field
The array becomes mangled as our hands blister
As the mud cakes into our clothing
The first stains I will never be able to wash out or forget
It's impossible to envision each flag growing out of the ground into a human being who can go home to their family
Because they can't; we've just stuck sticks into the ground
As if that's any solace to anyone, us, let alone their loved ones
Dead, mowed grass cakes in the hem of my new jeans
Thick and durable, woven for farm work
All of the little kids will wonder why the flags are there- it was before their time
Taught to them as history, the start of the War on Terrorism
I remember it as smoke, as human lives, as stitches in my blue jeans
As people who didn't turn away when freedom was compromised
Our virtues true, we patriots must rise
More than the flags, more than the smoke
More than crashed airplanes and burning buildings

Maybe you did not love me yet
Was it a matter of seconds,
Or years?
I remember your hair in your face
Or the shine in your eye
At any given moment
But then that moment is gone.
Time passes only so quickly
And I could never have enough
Time with you
Is like like swimming in a pool full of jell-o
It's really very exciting
And we've all wanted to do it
At one point or other
When I think of you,
I am a child
Only seeing the good in everything
And seeing every second
As a second chance
Now,
Maybe there were more chances for you
Wherever you may be.
But why could not we take those chances
Together?

I want to be that girl you knew in high school
You associate me with the colour of my notebook
I always had an extra pencil or a bottle of water
I drank tea
yeah, that was it
I wore galaxy tshirts flowy skirts
And I was only there for a second
You turned away from me and I was gone
I walked home from school, you never saw me on buses or in car lines
But you saw me walking my dog
I went to every show you were in
I left a note in your cast bag each time
I invited you hiking every weekend in the spring
I never went
You always noticed when I wore a dress because I almost never wore a dress
We were in all the same classes
You always asked me "how I did on that test"
But you can't remember
You met my dog once,
When I was walking her through the park and you were fishing with your dad
that was you?
You remember me by my glasses and the length of my pony tail in gym
You remember me by my essays which the teacher used as examples
You remember me by the Facebook request that you never accepted or declined
You think you know me, but you can't remember
You saw me at a football game once,
maybe,
Or at the library some Saturdays
You saw my online profile listed next to "people you may know"
I have worked so hard to be part of your background

My heartbeat is loud than the traffic on the busy street outside my window
I can't remember how to breathe
I'm scared and I miss you
Your name echoes around in my head, filling all of the empty space.

Day after day,
And night after night
I wait to hear your voice

All of the little things I can fall in love with

We just didn't spend enough time in jeans and flannels
She had no idea what she was doing and she wasn't fooling anyone
She wasn't even trying
"This looks good," she said, halfway up the hiking trail
She laid her flannel out over a grassy clearing and promptly fell asleep

And he fell exactly where he stood
One drop of blood was exactly enough to relieve his soul from its duty of living
He was exactly at his breaking point and they knew it behind the trigger
Pointing exactly at the palm of his left hand

******* and surrender piggybacked off of each other

If she was the sun, then I was definitely getting my dose of vitamin D
(And a halfway decent tan for once)
Her hair looked like a Pantene commercial and her teeth seemed to be painted white

When I was a child, I thought that flowers died in the winter because they couldn't get water from the frozen earth
I must have ripped up half my mother's garden on the first cool day
I brought them inside, and drowned them in buckets of warm water
23 years later, my mother hasn't stopped laughing

School was out for the week, but I imagined that most of the kids from her class wouldn't go back at all
She asked for help, but we couldn't save her from nightmares or flashbacks
Couldn't even hold her hand through every single one
So her parents and her teachers are in therapy being told it wasn't there faults
But I know it wasn't mine

We made dinner on the stove from a box
She was laughing the whole time-
I told her to wait and watch the pasta while I stepped out for a minute
I set up candles in the living room in front of the TV
We sat on the floor in front of the couch, watching NCIS with candles and cheap ready meals

"This never has to end," I told her
We don't have to have to leave this bedroom
Her Christmas lights reflected off the whites of her eyes as she showed me point ballet in her pajamas
I was not a very effective partner, but this is what she was built for
And I was built to love her, one scene at a time,
One LED bulb
One shaky lift
I spun her like a little girl instead of a dancer

The bed wasn't made when I got back
All of the sheets were tangled
There were drool and sweat stains on the pillowcases
She was always a part of everything
All the laundry
Always her favourite detergent
She took it with her and I don't remember
I do remember exactly how she fit on the bed with the dog and I
And how she straightened things out after I left for work every day
I remember exactly how she looked laying on the floor in the place where the sun snuck through the window
But I didn't remember to make the bed this morning

I turn off all the lights
And lock all the doors
By myself now
It no longer makes me jump
When every footstep in the dark is my own
And I know that
I braid my own hair
And make my own bed
In the blackness
Pierced by hopeful glows
Of charging lights
Or connected to Wi-Fi notifications
I don't want to go to sleep
Because I will wake up soon
Some nights I should wake up screaming
But I know what nightmares feel like

PARTICLE ACCELERATION!
I have given up on the chaos today,
I shout at people, because maybe if I make them mad enough,
They won't talk to me
I want to be in physics class right now.
I want to be in love.
He's the only voice I want to hear;
The only face I want to see.
But really,
I'm tired and I just want to go to sleep.

At some point, I realized that I needed to build my own world
It was hard at first, trying to follow my parents' lead
And taking templates from my friends
I built a city of grey mismatched with pink and social expectations
But I wanted a universe
I wanted to build a planet made just of water
I wanted to build highways to stars and I wanted them to be green
At some point, I realized that I had to build my own world
My parents would always tell me to build grey offices and white hospitals
My friends would always build pink house with perfect husbands
But I wanted rooms with words written on the walls
And half-painted corners
At some point, I realized that my reality wasn't part of my family's
My reality was a whole new spark
A whole new Big Bang
Sometimes I remember all of the times that my father tried to explain to me why he works in a grey office building
Some day, I'm going to work in the ******* sky
And if that sky is just in my mind then so be it
At some point, I realized that I was going to have to break down those offices and perfect pink houses
At some point, I decided to paint my ceiling half way.
At some point, I decided to cut off my hair and not tell anyone
At some point, I decided to write him a letter
At some point, I realize that I had given him part of my universe, because he helped me build it
When I said that I wanted to make the floor blue, he listened
Every time I painted, he said it was beautiful
When I wanted to write a book, he gave me time to write a book
I built a tiny planet made only of water
I built a dance floor, cluttered with papers I'll never finish, and words on the wall
One morning, I woke up and turned my voice on
I learned to open my mind instead of my arm and I learned that blood isn't always red
I learned to sing songs my whole family has forgotten,
I learned to say words that painted pictures
I learned to remember the grey office buildings, maybe I have a picture somewhere...
But I've replaced them with myself.

When I went to type this web address into Google, I almost typed your name.
I am so mad at you
You show up and disappear
And you don't even let me know you're gone.
I just smile like an idiot at the little green dot on Facebook that says you're online.
I just want you to talk to me
And you do,  I mean
You are there...
For five whole minutes until you're not.
I have everything to say to you
But you don't seem to understand the concept of staying. You've just gotten so good at your little disappearing act.
I'm the only one left in the audience, and

I'm not clapping

I looked down at the field of cigarette butts and broken glass I was walking across
I would have laid down right there,
Even if the tiny fires hadn't gone out yet
We have to drag our corpses just a little bit further.

If she came to me in a dream,
I sure as hell didn't notice
But she's here now
Hauling herself along side me
She doesn't carry any of the weight

I was heavy in my sneakers
Heavy across the joints in my knees
So heavy, my hair sagged as if it were wet
We stood there, on the edge of anything
Holding hands, kissing oxygen
She was tired

I inhaled the silence
We had used up everything,
Left nothing for the return trip
A sharp contrast to my conservative, planning self
I gave in to fear, threw up, let my hands tremble
She died, here, holding my hand. At least she wasn't alone this time

I cursed her name, the soles of her shoes, her chipping nail polish
If she came to me in a dream, I sure as hell didn't notice

Scars have to hurt for a little while first,
But their pain will fade
And so will their stories
And so will they.

Is there a black market
For mice?
I'd get it from the pet store, but
They might get mad at me.
I intend to put it in the microwave
Not to be cruel
But so that I can study changes
In the cell structure
Some sort of decay should occurr

What genius saw something
Swimming around in a body of water
And said
"I'm going to eat this!"
But tomatoes
Tomatoes were poisonous.

Legs are so weird,
They're just like
"WE ARE GOD. WE ARE STICKS THAT ENABLE YOU TO WALK AND STAND!"
Why weren't humans built with wheels
Or tails?
Why are we so large
And why do we vary so much
In size
Shape
And colour
Why did evolution take away
Most of our fur?
Why are we best fit
For our enviornment?

What would happen if we blew up Saturn?
Yes,
It would be bad
I'm not stupid
But how would it
Effect (affect?)
Earth's
Orbit and
Atmosphere
And climate?
Is human life even sustainable without saturn?

As well a expanding,
Does the universe move
(As a whole)

Can human actions
Really
Destroy
ALL
Life on earth?
We assume ourself to be
These all powerful being
But really we are
Ugly sacks of water
That can be killed by almost anything
Confined to a rock
Not even the size of a speck
Compared to space
An individual does not make a difference
On a logical,
Scientific scale.

Why don't we walk on our hands?
Why are we so dependant on each other?
Why do all the systems of our bodies rely on each other?
Why don't we have arms as legs? Wouldn't that be so much more useful?
Why are our legs longer and stronger than our arms?


Algebra!
Simplicity in numbers
And we are geometry students,
So we should spend a month and a half
Studying area!
Length times width
Or this times this
Ad half the class is failing!

I needed something to hold onto
And maybe you weren't as sturdy as I had hoped for,
But you were in front of me
Some sort of rope to hold the universe together
You were the wrong kind of thread
One shouldn't use twine to sew skin

I remember the night I rushed home
That road looked like an oil slick
Halfway there, I hoped I could melt into the pavement,
As if mermaids could swim in asphalt
The emergency was that you had run out of cigarettes
I was a graduate student, out of money and out of place
And you were exactly like a hurricane

At some point I was so tired it didn't matter
I would have kissed anyone

There are so many broken windows
And we're
Fine
We're
dancing around the word because neither of us will say it
We promised to be honest in this relationship
But you have PTSD and I have to move on with my life

I have long brown hair and green blue eyes
I didn't realize I had blacked out until I noticed my reflection was in a hospital instrument and I was in a hospital gown
They call them gowns for a reason
I imagined you pulling me out of that cot and holding me up as we danced in the crowded emergency room hallway
But you weren't there when I came around
Or when they performed my exam
Or when I signed my discharge papers
You showed up only when you felt too guilty to send a taxi
I remembered the days I drove that car
And slipped into a dream where I was behind the wheel

We crashed

Please let me lose that rythem
When things don't rhyme and flow
I am not the tides
Shimmering in and out
I need to know you approve of me
And that I'm doing the right thing
When I step out of my comfort zone
Because here, I don't know the boundaries
That I really would like to comform to.
I know that learning from mistakes is good
But sometimes, with anxiety,
Making mistakes is devastating
So when I ask you to give me a direction,
Do not tell me it is up to me
Because I will cry
Failure is not an option
If we've still got
Death
And taxes
And death doesn't sound too desireable either
You are my mentors
So,
Show me how to *succeed

God,
Please give me rain
I've found my strength in the thunder
I've lost myself between the hailstorms and I don't care to be found again
I wish to be well
I need to be guided through my personal hell
And I will wait
Until I am worthy
Until I am taught to understand and revere you
To accept you above me
Dear God,
I'm not on my knees
I don't believe in salvation, but I need to be saved.

My father told my sister and I that if we jumped and missed the ground, we'd be flying
And God, I believed him
We spent hours on that trampoline
Wore ourselves silly,
Got jabs from all the pine needles lost to the mesh from acid rain
Not allowed to come into the house until we hosed our feet off

We upgraded our efforts
My father had a pickup truck that we loved,
And we had umbrellas for walking to school with
We tried every height we thought we could get away with no broken bones
And we came close, I landed on my neck once
Morphine in the hospital is sort of like flying
Best attempt we had at the time

When I turned 18, I bought a plane ticket
I had to apologize to my mother, because I never stopped running away
We lived in the valley, and I always saw the moutains which enclosed us as a challenge
But she built us a home, our imaginary flight a simple trick to keep us grounded
It worked for so long, and she held on to her family
So it's only fair. She's earned this apology-
But I've earned this air space
I worked for the money, and paid for this ticket,
A guarenteed four hours of nothing but simulated pressure and clouds obscuring city lines

My daddy always told me not to wish away time
Whenever we said we couldn't wait till Christmas
Or even our favourite show to come on to television

I feel stories the way a dragon breathes fire
It's magic and it's dangerous, but it's actually real
There are sparks shooting from my fingertips,
Maybe even getting into peoples' heads
I want to show you all of the beautiful things I've seen
The incredible storm you can't hear out your window;
It's everywhere I look and I can feel it
I'm trying to catch light and give it to you before it fades away
My memories are bending over backwards to run away
I'm tripping over myself to put them on display

My daddy always told me not to wish away time
I'm not wishing it away anymore
I'm begging it to stop.

I am shockingly aware
Of what time it is
Of the muscles I didn't stretch well enough
Of the grammatical mistake I made in that text message six hours ago
Of the fact that I didn't tell you I love you today
Of my hair ******* too high
Of my shorts being too small and my tanktop too large
Of the brightness on my cellphone not having a setting low enough to accomodate my headache
Of which direction my boyfriend is from here
(I don't think he like my teddy bear)
Of the motorcycle that just drove by
Of my fan that doesn't have an in-between setting
Of the bruises and bug bites on my legs
Of the burn on my hand from chemistry
Of that fact that you are asleep already
Of the fact that I just so happen to be the last person awake in my family
Of every time my dog breathes in and out
Of how tired I am but if I tried to sleep, my brain would laugh at me
Of how alone I must be right now because no one else I know forgot to pick up a prescription and thus must lay here, awake all night
Of how beautiful it feels to close my eyes
Of how limited and scarce sleep is
How gentle and warm.

Please, God, give me some reason to check my phone
I was making excuses to stay awake
The adrenaline ran out and I felt every ounce of pain that had been lurking in the bruises
I screamed in the shower, feeling the water drip off of my skin
I felt it beat and roll off in too much of a rush
I couldn't get it out of my hair

Dream Me saw her little sister in a bright red body bag-
Familiar
Dream Me remembered the red from before
Dream Me was aware that she was thinking,
Dream Me saw the killer
Dream Me had to tell her mother her daughter was killed and she knew the killer
Real Me saved Dream Me's memories
Dream Me was real when she recognized her sister was dead
Dream Me was real while she watched the killer turn around
Dream Me was real when she thought it was her fault
Dream Me killed Real Me when Real Me fell asleep
But Dream Me was real...
Dream Me was alive,
She had memories, she was complex and self-aware
Dream Me was alive, but I killed her when I woke up.

It was either eat, or be eaten
Jump, or be pushed
And it was both
It was a memory you didn't want to keep
A person you didn't want to kiss
But your lips are stained, now

I tip-toed around it
Around you, sometimes
When I had to

I was digging in the yard the other day
I know you've always hated when I do that
I ended up finding things you wanted to keep buried
I would never ask you,
But sometimes you find it falling off your tongue like pebbles down a waterfall
We sat there for hours, ashamed of ourselves

I was home when you got there
You walked in with your coat off,
Turned around, put it back on and left
I found a friend to stay with, and she took me to church
I sat there, vacantly

We were home over the weekend
Cooked noodles, took the dog for a hike
Everything was fine,
The weather was unseasonably warm, I noticed
Over and over again

I think I hated you that night
And I think that it hurt me more than it hurt you
As if you got scratches while I was impaled-
But I am definitely wrong. We were both broken. Usually people come out of tragedy closer together
But we came out with our loaded guns still pointed at each other
I've never seen someone shake so much

Balcony doors,
Fourth floor motel room
Too far from home, too close to each other
I wish you would have struck me
As I was standing, the heels of my hands dug into the windowsill, whole heartedly ready to lose consciousness,
I needed absolutely any reason to leave that dead-end bedroom

"When you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on."

I'm the kind of odd
That drinks hot chocolate
When it's 90 degrees
And leaves the window open during thunderstorms
Or that does something
That is absolutely impossible
And then does it again
Because I swear I was so close
To getting it right
I keep talking to people,
Even if they've left the room
Sometimes,
I just talk at them
I like to paint my nails
Then paint over that
Then paint over that
I always tiptoe up the stairs
Even when it hurts
I like to waltz around the kitchen
And stare straight up at the sky
I turn off lights in rooms
As I walk out
Even when there are still people in it
I talk to myself while I take tests
And I love taking tests
I talk to myself before school
Loudly
I wear scrunchies on my wrist
Because when I don't
I don't even feel like I exist at all
I just need to be a little odd
Because I have to feel
*something

Brain today was discouraged and tired and bouncing back and forth from things like a ping pong ball and really stuck a little bit in ancient Egypt but mostly trying to draw spirally flowers but the dots wouldn't work right and all focused on how lungs didn't burn like that when I ran a week ago and really didn't want to talk to anyone that was going to respond because brain did not want to hear other peoples' opinions. Brain wants to get better and remember things but that didn't happen.

But that description is lengthy and deep and metaphorical and easily summarized with "pft."

Some nights I should wake up screaming,
But I remember what nightmares feel like
The shadows on the walls make monsters look bigger
But we can turn on the lights
Four Am is just one hour from five and five is one hour from six and school starts at seven
So it's not much farther

Caring not a weakness, but it may have been a mistake
And it is certainly not an advantage
I hoped that God would be forgiving because I made a mistake
You were a mistake
And God was a mistake under our tires
And I keep reciting that.
We didn't think,
You didn't think
And I keep telling myself that you didn't come for a fight
You were not dangerous when I met you
You were in the corner of my eye
But candles burn houses down when you forget to look
And I don't want to be your ashes anymore
You're like cigarettes without the drugs and twice the pain
I might be dying without you, but I was dying faster with you
And you text me on a Monday morning in case you hadn't cut deep enough the last time and you were right
I almost got away from you
I tried so hard to be a good person

I was stupid
To hope that you
Would come around
This morning
But I did
Anyways.

Let’s **** God

We made a game out of it
Who can make it to heaven hiding a pistol in their sock
What can you hide from God? What silver bullet?
What radiation?
What rage slowly leaking out of our veins and into the soil

I am that one night stand that God wants to dissolve in ethanol
So here I am running out of his apartment while he is still asleep
I’m late for work,
I’ve lost a shoe

My friend took medication
He said it helped but he went to bed crying

Dear Mom,
Please send Ibuprofen
I promise I’m listening to the doctors,
I love you

We just wanted to ask God what test was worth this
We felt worthless
My body gave up in the hospital bed
I left my arm tangled up in the sheets
I left part of myself on the waiting room floor
The first time it snowed in Atlanta
The one time we said grace before dinner

God made miracles and God made mountains and God made mistakes
Let him rip the steroids out of my veins and make me human again
Not this half cyborg, half dead, half human
Mostly bad at math...
Let me be holy again
This is a ****** prayer

This is poison
He wanted to **** God with poison,
Slowly, like when he was afraid my liver would rot
I had dreams about my feet growing necrotic
He held my hand
It wasn’t enough

The first time I went to the hospital without my dad
My doctor told me how composed I was in the waiting room
Are you kidding me?
You can’t cry while you rattle off the pain killers you’ve taken
You can’t cry while you try to make peace with anything that might make this stop
Stop

Stop listening!
This silence is sickening
He isn’t there
If he ever was, he left us like socks hanging on a clothesline
God forgot and moved away
Nobody bought the house
You stepped in quick sand and we’re stuck here because I will not leave you
But we have been left alone

God is a force I cannot believe in
But I keep getting told that he’s watching me anyways
So I still pray
Dear God, let my father get home safely
Dear God, guide my little sister
Dear God,
Good luck getting my hair out of your shower

I turn off the world at night
I'm only a child
But I lock the doors
Close the windows
And turn out the lights
My mother is asleep by the time I do
And my father is out of town
He'll be back tomorrow
But tonight
I braid my own hair
And read to my little sister
I don't mind that he's gone
Or that mother's asleep
I know they love me very much
I'm just careful not to fall down the stairs
In the dark

My laptop has longer days than I do
When I was a nursing assistant, I let my heart break for the woman crying over her late husband
Her husband died three years ago, but she only found out while I got her dressed
She’ll find out again tomorrow when someone else gets her up and she asks where he is
I did my clinical practice on the Alzheimer’s unit
At 3:17, Ingrid will stop asking me who I am, and where she is
She will thank me by name for getting her dressed
She’ll apologize for refusing to eat her breakfast
She doesn’t know what got into her

My computer is watching me cry in my college bedroom
It is telling me to stop asking for permission
It is giving me advice I will continue to ignore
I have to make a decision
I can pull up my homework or an Ed Sheeran song
My computer recommends a playlist based on my location
It’s music from home. My computer’s heart broke for the woman crying in an office chair over something she can’t remember.

It's so spontaneous and profound and esoteric. He, as an idea, takes on a form I cannot even begin to imagine, and it's stunning. He's like a god that can call the stars around his hand and disperse them at his will. He is more than a little girl's imaginary friend. He's there, and then he isn't, and that's okay, because a fragment of a memory is too wonderful for any human being. He is impossible to hold onto because the sparks of his mind would burn your hands.

Every time
We say goodbye
I hate myself
For not saying
Don't go.

Are you there?
Can you be there?
Can you hear me calling your name?
Can you see the way I did my hair?
Have you read the things I've written for you?
Can you feel the love I send to you?
Can you see me smile?
Do you know that I love you?

They're different
They tell me I'm tired on days where I'm too frantic to notice
They tell me I'm sad when I'm smiling
Because they know
They dry the tears from my face before I even realize I'm crying
I don't pretend to be happy,
I just don't realize I'm sad.
They let me be angry
And kick and yell
And run myself down
Until it's safe to try and tell me it's alright
It's incredible that they know that
They know when to yell back
Sometimes,
I really need to be yelled at
Sometimes,
I just need to be detached and alone
And so they let me spin out
But they won't let me crash or burn

She was late
And I mean too late
Every single time
I wanted to hope for something
I wanted to fall in love
I tried to fall in love but
She was too late

And he had no idea what he was doing
He was lonely and probably looking for her, actually but
He didn't try very hard
He just sort of waited and waited
But he never quite gave up because he wanted all of this time to be worth something

He was exciting, all decked out in neon lights
But he reeked of alcohol
And I actually regret him,
But I can't quite remember so I try not to think about it

She wore a floral dress
Professional but positive
And finally someone was happy

He was a bit of a joke
Spilled his coffee, dropped his papers
But someone was always there to pick up the pieces
We liked having him around

He was quiet-
I didn't know him very well

She was a ballet dancer
Strong and graceful and tired
Full of long practice and habitual action
Calculated.

"Why don't you just put that down and work on your essays?"
"You know what Mom? Why don't I just drop everything I love?
Why don't I just become a stick straight, porcelain calculating and writing machine
With perfectly brushed blonde hair and blue eyes
Why don't I just become perfect-
Perfect-
(Broken record)
Perfect-"

I meant to go out and practice
And I did
For a little while
But then
I ended up laying in the grass
And pointing out the sky
To no one in particular
(As I was alone)
I watched it turn from teal
To orange to pink
And I watched it fade
I watched the clouds pass
And I'm waiting for the stars.

Apparently I'm crying
I hate it when I do that.
Most times I don't notice
Till my shirt's stained

I barely remember the nights when I woke up saying your name
Your name is etched in stone in my head,
And the rock has weathered smooth
I loved the way your name looked when you wrote it
I loved how it felt to write it myself
I barely remember the dreams when I saw your face in my sleep
Where I saw your name in golden letters
Because dreams fade fast,
Just like you, sometimes.

A little girl holds her marbles in the bottom of her shirt
The boys play for keeps, and they cheat
She grasps the cool glass to her warm chest through the fabric
As if her integrity is fragile,
Like she was ashamed that she wanted to cheat when her marbles were taken away
The teacher asks why she holds herself like this
Tells her that the boys can see her stomach
As if something will be stolen before her body is full grown
Her belly button has never seen so much sunlight- or so many eyes
The glass breaks on the pavement as she covers herself
And if dignity were a porcelain doll, she’d be broken, too.

I call my mother after dance class so she can tell me not to waste my time on frivolous motion
I tell her I am reinventing a body
That boys stole parts before they were full grown
That if I learn to bend in new ways, I won’t break when they play for keeps and the eyes are on the outside
The broken marbles at recess make new people.