Red Lipstick
What I never leave the house without
Because it ***** out all the pigment in my skin
It drowns out all my ugly features
Red Lipstick
but today
I'm going to try
not wearing it
Because if she is brave enough
to face the demons in her head
this time of year
I can face mine
I should be able to be strong too
No Lipstick
I think everyone in the station is staring at you
No Lipstick
They are all thinking you're hideous. You should be ashamed. Those poor people who are forced to look at you. Go put on lipstick
No Lipstick
Look. Can you see your reflection in the glass? See how ugly you are?
No Lipstick. But beauty is not the most important thing.
Look, it's a girl from your elementary school. She just looked at you. The prettiest girl in the class. The one the boys liked, including the one you liked for so long.
No Lipstick. It doesn't matter. I don't care what she thinks.
Yes, you do. Now you have confirmed what her friends always said. What she has always thought. You. Are. Ugly.
No Lipstick. I don't care if I am ugly.
Yes, you do.
No Lipstick. Stop! Get out of my head!
No one has ever looked as repulsive as you.
No Lipstick. I'm fine.
No you're not. You're crumbling.
No lipstick. I am not. I can do this.
No you can’t. You’re too pathetic. You are not as strong as her. You are not brave. You are fighting a losing battle.
No Lipstick. Stop hurting me!
You are not allowed to stand up for yourself. You can't talk back to me. You are too ugly to deserve to be allowed to.
No Lipstick. I hate you!
Then that means you hate yourself.
I know. And I do. But I have to do this. It’s time to prove I care more about living my life than being pretty. So No. Lipstick.
Not every battle is as obvious. Something like leaving the house without lipstick can seem so simple and almost stupid to make a fuss over, but it is really, really hard for me to do today. I have to prove to myself there is no way that I have dysmorphia.
To all of you who are fighting quiet battles with yourselves, I send love and courage out to you. <3