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 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
Àŧùl
I refuse to give up.

Should I give up as they all say,
Hemp I have taken not ever,
And yet I will keep loving you,
Let them all call this my immaturity.

If forever love is immature, so be it.

Let her be engaged in her pursuit,
Of infidelity, if she may want to be in,
Venerable I may grow old waiting,
Efforts put day and night I'll succeed.

Yes, because I want to prove her wrong,
Obviously for ditching me midway,
Until maturation, she won't be waiting.

King, she wants in future as her groom,
Rarely she displays her efforts for that,
Into her far-fetched dreams, she adds it,
Possibly imagined chanced upon success,
Interestingly she desires the eureka moment.

Falsify all apprehensions I shall easily 'morrow,
Obviously, that day still may be years away, and
Right here I am staying in my shoes grounded,
Especially I already am putting in that extra bit,
Veer I shall never off this only road to success,
Ends I shall definitely tie together if they are slack,
Ringing your doorbell I shall be within few years.
I leave it up to you whether to wait or not, my dearest fool.

HP Poem #1324
©Atul Kaushal
 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
Àŧùl
I invested in love.
Then I kindled it,
With faithfulness.

I sowed the seed,
Then I watered it,
With so much care.

I am so well-versed with life,
Then I know a thing about it,
With patience, it only ripens.

I want it to grow,
Then I must care,
With high patience.

I planted the tree,
Then I must wait,
With selflessness.
HP Poem #1326
©Atul Kaushal
 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
Àŧùl
Please do not tell her,
That I miss her presence
In my life - my heart.

Please do not tell her,
That I relive each moment
I spent with her love.

Please do not tell her,
That she needs to read it
I am perfect for her.

Please do not tell her,
That she needs to believe
I am the best for her.

Please do not tell her,
That she can just relax
Instead she'd study.

Please do not tell her,
That she made a mistake
In fact I made one...
Because she can not ever find herself wrong.
Although, I recognise my mistakes.
But not once did I sway.
I have been faithfully deflecting each and every proposal.

Maybe I should change just like she has changed.
But no.
I am not an immature girl like her to give up on my own warmer feelings of love for her.
I will wait for her till she gets married to someone else.

HP Poem #1329
©Atul Kaushal
 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
Àŧùl
Beyond the limits of life,
Born again shall be our love,
Again and yet again.

Swear you did the oath,
Swore you a pledge of love,
In that ancient time.

Do not dare you forget,
Direct me does the pledge,
Wait for you forever.

So do not you worry,
Sweet seems this sweat,
As I work up to you.

I will never mind it,
If you happen to move,
On & on in the life.

Long I waited for it,
Longer than eons I did,
To meet you again.

So I do not mind it,
Some more rebirths it took,
To finally achieve you.
HP Poem #1330
©Atul Kaushal
 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
Love
2016
 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
Love
To 2016:
I'd love to say that I hated you, but to be honest, you made me grow.
You gave me direction. You pulled me out of a 4 month long rock bottom depression, showed me what I wanted to do in my life and sent me on my way.
You gave me two semesters of college, and a decision.
You gave me my first teaching experience, and you taught me the true value of patience.
You brought some new friends into my life and reunited me with old ones. You also got rid of a few, but I trust that's for the best.
You explained to me how easily I can be used.
You showed me that relationships don't define me, and that even if I think I am in love, life goes on and that I am an independent woman.
You blessed me with a baby, and then you took it away. But within that you gave me hope.
You sent me through hookups, drunken texts, hospital trips, gallons of tears and two D&Cs.;
You helped me on my wavering journey in my walk with God. You led me to being Baptized and you gave me the one chance in my life to feel that I was my family's priority.  
You taught me that it's okay to not always have the answer to everything, including the question of "who are you?".
You taught me to accept the word queer and make it my own. Like a beautiful pair of glasses, this is how I see the world.
You taught me the value of family after my dads accident, and then again after the baby.
And even after all the drama, fights, murders, and injustices, 2016, you taught me that a bad year isn't always a bad as we make it seem, and that even on our darkest days, there is a lesson to be learned.
And to 2016: Thank you.
 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
Àŧùl
I have been to places for love,
Travelling I have been in love,
And learning I have from love.

I went from movies to homes,
To palaces & even to fortresses,
'Atul' learnt to love from travel.

I visited ancient places in love,
The sweet feeling togetherness,
Atypical Life I have lived along.

I used to go to Ambala years ago,
The sweet loving girl used to wait,
Along her I visited movies & kissed.

I went to Jaipur & even Agra next,
The sweetest for us both was Jaipur,
Agra was where I gifted my virginity.

I kissed at the Old Fort at New Delhi,
The kiss at fort gave me goosebumps,
Attic was where the seductress kissed.

I kissed inside her home in the sitting,
That night was dead as she kissed me,
Above the sleeping King was the kiss.
Not proud to have kissed multiple girls.
But yes, I did learn loving via travelling.
I got back my memory and I am not happy about it.
I regret losing my virginity to someone who is history and kissing them who moved on.
But yes, travelling taught me how to love and who to love.

HP Poem #1331
©Atul Kaushal
 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
Àŧùl
Come, my love, let's sleep.
Not just for few hours,
Not for many hours,
Not even for some weeks,
And not even for merest months.
Let's sleep altogether for years,
Let's sleep for many centuries.

Come, my love, let's hibernate.
Not forgetting immortality,
Not practising immorality,
Not overlooking modesty,
And just sleep together holding tight.
Like we do when cold descends,
Let's go to our sleep mode.

Come, my love, let's snooze.
Not just for few more seconds,
Not just for some more minutes,
Not just for bit more hours,
And kindle the dream in the long night.
Like we did when curse worked,
Let's go to our carefree world.
HP Poem #1332
©Atul Kaushal
 Dec 2016 Rachna Beegun
JustChloe
It's one in the morning
My heart is racing and I can feel the pain I've felt for centuries
I can feel you leaving me
I can feel the tearing of my heart strings
The blades of betrayal in my back
And the tears running down my cheeks
I'm scared
More than I've ever been
Of losing you, Somone I love, again
OF going through that loniless
And depression again
OF losing another part of me
Because I'm not sure I have enough left to live with myself without you there
I need you
But you don't need me in fact you probably never did
I should accept it
Now
Before it happens
I should block your number
Stop going to lunch
Skip study hall and pretend we never met
Pretend you didn't soften my heart like I did
Pretend you didn't show me how to be happy again
How to truely feel again
Pretend you never existed
Forget all the jokes and remeber how to be alone again
I should just push you away
So I won't have to lose someone I love
Again
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