dear unrequited love -
i don't know if you know what you do to me
you make my sides hurt and my heart ache
and yet i still love you for it
i love you for the way your hair
falls gently in your face and
every
single
time i want to push it away
i've imagined a million different scenarios in whih
the two of us are together and in love
i've imagined cradling you between my legs
and saying your name like an ascending prayer
but maybe you're just like the others
maybe you should just stay away from me
i know you sometimes like the way my
hips move from side to side or how
my face break in two when i smile
but darling, i'm scared because i don't want to lose this--
this nothing that we have because
it's all i have left of you

if you think i'm magical now
you should've seen me when my
hair floated behind me on a
phantom wind with a second goodbye
after walking past

the moon is shining brightly in through the
miniature bay windows in my kitchen
i'm sitting on the floor, against the fridge,
and the moonbeams are playing in my hands
i have this itch to make music with them
how can you not when the moon is so beautiful?
and all i can think about in this low light
is wanting
you
in this kitchen
with me
in this moonlight
i always thought i had some sort of connection
to the moon since my middle name's maria
but i look up at it and just feel y o u
maybe you're my tether
and it's all so absurd, but i think there's more
to this-- this thing between that we never mention
our eye contact burns through my eyes and
races down into the hidden chambers of my heart
you busted down the front door of my thoughts
and walked right in, taking my sanity in your
hands and breathing your name into it
i can't stop think about you and it hurts
because it's so ******* cliche, you don't understand...
but i want to go to you more than anything
right now because i think that you may be
the one to finally, at last, heal me
and that's terrifying

my father is all about being brutally honest--
well here's a brutal truth
no matter what people tell you, the fact of the
matter is that sometimes hate is more powerful than love

conjugate the curves of my body
make sentences out of my scars
hold my broken pieces in your hands
and whisper "beautiful"

your change of heart came
to me in pennies and nickels
and i guess i never really
had the time to count it out

i wonder what you think of his new album
if you sway to the melodies the same way i do
when we broke i heard pots and pans clang
together to some untimely tune
and i'm still grasping at the lyrics and strings