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you taught me to drive
you taught me that family is most important
that adventures are always there if you look
you love me
out in the driveway teaching me how to shoot hoops
in the house eating cereal out of a mixing bowl
you told me I could be whatever I wanted to be
kissing mom on the forehead
you tell mom beautiful things that make her smile
hearing the garage door and running to give you a hug
laughing and crying
"if someone gives you an opportunity, take it"
waking up to a knock on my door on a Sunday "I made breakfast"
running at 5am and talking about life and why the earth turns
eating oats on the back porch on our red chairs
redbox and pizza and football
getting a drink from the hose
you could make the meanest tacos
putting a big arm around me and saying "I sure am proud of you beautiful girl of mine"
crying wishing hoping wanting
wanting this back
thank you
I love you and miss you daddy
college is hard
but I will make you proud.
sincerely, your little girl.
homesick
Today today
Will be a good day
Nothing will get in my way
It still hurts..
How do you forget
the thing that crushed your heart?
The pain is still there,
haunting me.
It goes away,
but it always come back.

and it still hurts the same way it hurt before
°
I want to live on a cloud
Where life isn't hard,
And people aren't cruel
Or accidentally life destroying.

***** this world.
Give it about five hours and I won't think this but right now, I hate almost everything.
Please don't call me beautiful
When I am marked by beastly scars
When I have accepted the true aspect of what's real
Until you have seen the true magnitude of my chaos that expresses true horror

Please don't teach me that I'm worth it
When I have finally gave up on myself
When I know that I'm a mishap that doesn't fit
Until you have seen my perspective of this world-death

Please don't feed me lies that I'm kind-hearted
When I punish myself for being who I am
When I can't find a reason why I started
Because I'm am swiped as an awful scam

Please don't spit in my face that I'm authentic
When I know my smiles are fake
When my face is stained and I just say I'm sick
And I'm the only thing I hate

And please don't stuff that word acceptable into me
When I know I'm a misfit for being a non-conformist
And I know I can't run free
When I'm under society's rule of dictatorship

But if you see my scars
The emptiness of emotions in my eyes
Please know I'm voyaging in a war
And when I have lost, note my last *sigh
When I was with you
None of the heartbroken love songs made sense
Now that we went our separate ways
That changed as well
He told me his love was like a religion: his heart a god and his embrace a prayer. He told me he'd shed some light on my dim world…

He didn't know that God has never been on my side and the stars had never aligned to answer my prayers. He didn't know that I liked the mind games I played and that a love like his was one to keep distanced.
Religiously charged and carefully played.
Everything begins at zero

All beginnings, never start with one

Zero is the inception

The eternal nothingness

The unsure fate

The restless abyss

The infinite zero
Why is it
That the biggest hearts
Are emptied the fastest?

And the brightest souls
Are blackened
The quickest?
.
People who fight
their battles alone
either lose the battle
or lose themselves.
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