A few years ago
you were written all over me
you could read me
I was your book

you wrote your own stories
and I repeated them
when I left
when you shut me out

I will never forget that time
a few years ago
it was the holidays
we hung out
you wrote a story that day
a story I wish I could someday tell

maybe one day it'll be framed
shown to the world
but even when I did
the only person who would understand
would be you

the book is closed
and I know
ill never be the same
as I was a few years ago

if you saw my eyes
the ones that couldn't fill the tears
the blank eyes
the ones that cant show feelings
the ones that were once bright
that showed happiness for you

if you saw my hair
the hair that I dyed because you loved colour
the hair that is now a mess
the hair unclean and became its own dreadlock
glad something of me is joint as one

if you saw my skin
the skin so dry
the skin so uncared for
the skin so colourless

if you saw my wrist
where your name is in ink
where it'll always be
the only part of you left

if you saw my heart
but you can see that whenever you want
you took it with you
I wander if you are looking after it
the way only you can

are you okay?
have you been able to sleep?

every night I stare at my phone
as it all becomes about you
every day I continue on
just as I did before

you always thought you controlled me
you never believed me when I told you
I stood my own ground

but ill always wish ever night
I could look you in the eyes
and ask you

are you okay?
have you been able to sleep?

if the roles were reversed
if the shoe was on the other foot
would you have let me hurt you
the way you did?

would it be emotionless
would the pain be non existent
would everything be the same
would it just be without me

would you hug yourself?
would you scream at the pain I caused you?
would you be too hurt, to even see my name?
would you lose yourself in a mess you couldn't control?

would you hope that the pain wouldn't stay?
would you hope maybe you could be okay again?
would you hope you could look me in the eye?
would you hope to be able to trust,like you once did?

would you hope one day you could trust again?
would you hope one day you were able to feel again?
would you hope one day you would love
the way I loved you?

no.

you wouldn't smile the way you did when you met me
you wouldnt feel how you did when I numbed all the pain.

stay with me this morning today
ill tell you that the silent snakes slither silently
you said its may
this time of year they wont slither slightly

stay with me at lunch
we found your favourite flowers
tulips, i tied them in a bunch
im sorry about your hair tie

stay with me this afternoon
and i didn't know what it meant
when you said its mid phase of the moon
but you love astronomy

stay with me tonight
I always take pictures of you in the sunset
stay with me until its light
let me take pictures of you in the sunrise

and I wish I could tell you now
I wish I could try
I don't know how
but I do know why

you could be everything to me

how could I be that easy for you to replace?
I destroyed my reputation for you
I destroyed myself for you
I never did any wrong
and in two weeks I was a memory?

you were everything to me
my diamond
my star
my heart

no wrong I did
no word you said
no matter what
no harm ever came to you

so when your new friend hurts you
and you come crawling back to me
I  tell you
I forgive you
but you will never be able to call me your friend
ever again

I hope it was worth it

you make me
I printed the photo of you dancing in the sunset
you played the piano
I played the guitar
you were in tears when I first sang for you
I started singing

you asked me to walk you home
I was going to anyway
you complained about the December cold
I then kissed you under the mistletoe
you pressed your head against mine
I whispered I love you
you told me I was your everything

I told you we had dated for 4 years now
you said I hope its forever
I stepped back
you had that glimmer in your eye

I knelt down on one knee
you were already on one knee
I had a ring
you had a ring

I asked you to be with me forever
you kissed me
I married you on the 18th
you gave birth to our child on the 14th

I will never be without you
you are my world

I will never forget the day that
I
and
you
became

us.

laugh at me
laugh until your lungs burst
I will turn my back
look at that
your judgment broke me
I built me
I will turn my back
because
now I am the one laughing

do the words I write effect anyone?
is my staring at my screen worth it?
would it matter if I was gone?
would I be intellectually unfit?

do you feel my words are relatable?
is my effort nothing?
is my content debatable?
do you think I'm fussing?

am I annoying?
or am I wrong?
am I writing poems enjoying?
is my complaint tedious and long?

do my words ever become your song?
was I wrong all along?
is this where I belong?
because the people here make me strong.

white lie
innocence
stop using up your trust
summon up your vigilance

you spent your time in belief
belief that they were trustworthy
belief they were honest
belief in them

a white lie appears
much different to what it is
it is a threat
a warning

disregard innocence  
summon up your vigilance
because a lie
its only purpose is the time it can buy

trust your mind
leave that person behind.
don't trust their dishonesty
as it becomes a monstrosity

trust yourself.