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 Oct 2018 Neli
lovelywildflower
I apologize that I have been absent
My mind has been running away from me
and I keep losing it
I've been chasing it this whole time
I cannot lose myself again
I'm sorry

I apologize that I have been absent
My lungs have been full of aching sadness
and it's hard to breathe
I've been taking deeper breaths
I cannot let myself drown again
I'm sorry

I apologize that I have been absent
My body is too weak to move
and I don't know where I am half the time
I've been trying to connect with it
I cannot let myself slow down again
I'm sorry

I apologize that I have been absent
My demons decided to hit me hard
and hid away the part of me that loves
I've been trying to find my feelings
I cannot view the world feeling nothing again
I'm sorry

But in the end
I shouldn't have to apologize for any of this
I'm trying to be okay again
I don't owe anyone anything
 Oct 2018 Neli
Syd
That girl
 Oct 2018 Neli
Syd
What if
I had fallen to my knees
On the cold parking lot concrete
Tears washing over my cheeks
And cries no one should ever have to hear
Bellowing out from beneath my ribs
Screaming at the sky
Looking up at your face
Forcing you
(and everyone else)
To see me in this godforsaken state
Of absolute chaos
Heartbreak
In it's rawest form
What if I had begged you to stay?
What if I'd told you I can't do this without you?
What if I'd told you how much I needed you
What if I did anything other than fighting back the tears
Maybe for myself, maybe for you,
Mostly for the crowd of people gathering
Saying their goodbyes
Anxiously looking around to bear witness to everyone else's reactions
And I didn't want to be that girl
That girl who falls to the ground
Kicking and screaming and crying and begging
But what if I was?
What if I was any girl other than the one I pretended to be that day
The one that held her tongue and kept her mouth shut because she knew the second she opened it to speak she would sob
The one that wrapped her arms around you for the last time,
and the one that let go
The one that couldn't bear to watch you walk away
So she kissed you goodbye
Got back in the car
And drove home
What if i wasn't that girl who didnt allow herself to completely fall apart until she was alone in the privacy of her own home?
What if instead I'd made a scene,
Doing what everything inside me so desperately wanted to
Grabbing hold of your hand and refusing to let go
Losing the facade of confidence
The charade of strength
But I'm not that girl
And I never will be
So each and every time you leave
I kiss you goodbye
I unclench my fists and retract my anchors
I untether my heart from it's human home
And I put on a brave face
Maybe for myself, maybe for you,
Or maybe
For that girl.
 Oct 2018 Neli
Orange Rose
I wrote a poem when I died...
Another at my birth.
A brand-new sonnet when I cried.
And again when there was mirth.

A song for my confession...
A story for my pain...
A painting for depression...
And nursery rhymes for rain.

My creations live inside my heart.
I keep them there in shame.
Yet you looked around and saw my art,
And smiled all the same.
 Oct 2018 Neli
She Writes
My Reasons
 Oct 2018 Neli
She Writes
You asked me why I like you
But I didn’t want to tell
Some of my reasons are cheesy...
But here is why I fell

I love the way your lips curve
When I make you smile
It makes me want to pull you close
And kiss you for awhile

I love the way your eyes twinkle
When you talk about things you love
I truely believe
You are a gift from above

I love that you are compassionate
You have such a big heart
That was the first thing I noticed
Right from the start

I love the way it feels
When you hold me tight
I finally feel safe
Like I could sleep through the night

I love that you don’t judge me
For my less than perfect self
That is more attractive
Than any amount of wealth

There are so many more reasons
But I’ll start with just this few
Maybe someday
I’ll give this poem to you

:)
 Oct 2018 Neli
Beaux
If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.
The state of Florida is now home to the two most deadly mass shootings in American history. Pulse Nightclub was attacked in my city, I have friends who attend Marjory Stoneman Douglas in Parkland. My little sister often fears going to school. I'm afraid to graduate and leave her. I want to be able to protect her if something happens. I hate that we have a reason to be afraid... That it's reasonable to have these fears. I hate it so f*cking much.
Flaca tu cabello
desbordaba
cuentos de hadas,
tenias un vestido verde
y un amor clandestino.

Flaca llegaste en febrero
como época pasajera
o lluvia de temporal
mojabas el alma
cuando te veía llegar.

Dejaste vida en mi cuerpo
y sembraste tu amor,
oh! flaca de saber que te irías
te hubiese dado
más besos, más abrazos,
pero que podía hacer
si tu alma es libre,
y la piel lo pide.
This is dedicated to a person that I love very much.
 Oct 2018 Neli
adriana
she was the maker, he was her muse
a creative girl with everything to lose

she colored her canvas with her bleeding heart
she loved him and watched her world fall apart

she got her heart broken but kept a blank face
knowing that there are some mistakes you can't erase

she gave up her art, a lover betrayed
her pure white mind turned a darker shade.
And then there were seven.
 Sep 2018 Neli
Semi-literate Poet
Do you think a girl could love a boy who writes for her a million poems?  That's what I plan to do.
 Sep 2018 Neli
J
Lust
 Sep 2018 Neli
J
The aura around you lured me in and, and lord
My heart has never pounded this hard before--
Dark hair and shallow breaths
Maybe,
Just maybe,
You're feeling the same way
Inside that hallowed ribcage of yours
 Sep 2018 Neli
Bob
Hate comes from ignorance
Anger comes from pain
Heartbreak is the result of lies
Love begins with lust then held on to by hope
Loneliness is much more then being alone
While death starts at birth
Ones birth cause another ones death

Breakup can only happen after hooking up
Perfection means never having to say sorry
But we are so far from perfect
We hookup after breaking up but never make up
It's insane cause we expect it to be different without change
I'm here so you can push blame
Your here just till you find another way

I love the same whether rich or broke
Make love on the change before we roll it up
Turn ***** money clean again with a warning to the teller
Might want to wash your hands
I walk out just in time to see you skipping off with a new man
Catch up as he opens the door for you
Hand you half and you just laugh
He let's me know you'll be ok
Before that door on that rolls can close
I tossed it on  your lap
You may not need it now but you will when you want to come back
I take my forty two fifty and drunk it up
Getting woken up up the sound of a slamming door
A voice ask what are you in for
I guess you could say for falling in love , yourself ?
I stole a rolls royce

Officer can I make my phone call
Thanks for reading. Any feedback is appeciated
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