What if I had fallen to my knees On the cold parking lot concrete Tears washing over my cheeks And cries no one should ever have to hear Bellowing out from beneath my ribs Screaming at the sky Looking up at your face Forcing you (and everyone else) To see me in this godforsaken state Of absolute chaos Heartbreak In it's rawest form What if I had begged you to stay? What if I'd told you I can't do this without you? What if I'd told you how much I needed you What if I did anything other than fighting back the tears Maybe for myself, maybe for you, Mostly for the crowd of people gathering Saying their goodbyes Anxiously looking around to bear witness to everyone else's reactions And I didn't want to be that girl That girl who falls to the ground Kicking and screaming and crying and begging But what if I was? What if I was any girl other than the one I pretended to be that day The one that held her tongue and kept her mouth shut because she knew the second she opened it to speak she would sob The one that wrapped her arms around you for the last time, and the one that let go The one that couldn't bear to watch you walk away So she kissed you goodbye Got back in the car And drove home What if i wasn't that girl who didnt allow herself to completely fall apart until she was alone in the privacy of her own home? What if instead I'd made a scene, Doing what everything inside me so desperately wanted to Grabbing hold of your hand and refusing to let go Losing the facade of confidence The charade of strength But I'm not that girl And I never will be So each and every time you leave I kiss you goodbye I unclench my fists and retract my anchors I untether my heart from it's human home And I put on a brave face Maybe for myself, maybe for you, Or maybe For that girl.