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Apr 16 · 61
i could have, but...
Neli Apr 16
i could have sworn i was done
i could have sworn i was tired
i could have sworn i was okay
i could have sworn i was finally over it
but here I am
not okay
wondering what could have been
wondering if you still want me
but only if you want me as much as i want you...
Apr 13 · 53
No more paper
Neli Apr 13
I wrote you a letter to get you off my chest
Now I think about you even more and I have no space left on that paper, and you won’t leave my head.
Apr 11 · 197
Neli Apr 11
And after crying myself to sleep so many times
I understood not even the biggest amount of tears was going to  bring you back.
Apr 8 · 151
Oh, Moon...
Neli Apr 8
Oh moon, will you kiss me goodnight?
I'll still cry until morning when the sun meets my eyes
Please, let there be wind
I love how it dances around with the leaves
I dream about the day my ashes join the whirl.

Oh moon, I know you don't feel lonely
You're surrounded by beautiful stars
But do you ever feel like you don't belong?
I could cry you a river if you want
So you can see your reflection in the darkness of the night

Do you feel lonely now?
Tell me, is that how I look from up there?
Oh moon, I'm so miserable
Please, turn off the light
I just want to curl up and cry in my bed once again.
Apr 7 · 420
if love had a name
Neli Apr 7
if love had a name
it would be yours
and that's how i know i'll never feel it
because i'll never have you.
Nov 2018 · 149
Neli Nov 2018
this feeling of being so
of me
becoming you
feeling how little by little
you erode my heart
with the waters
of your dark rivers
that slowly win the war against my pure oceans

how can i hate this feeling
without hating you
how can i get rid of it
without making you leave
how can i  k i l l  it
without hurting you
please tell me
because i’m running out of feelings
for you to play with.
Oct 2018 · 164
the beginning & the end
Neli Oct 2018
your skin feels so warm
and your lips so soft
you breathe on my neck
and i’m no longer cold
it’s late, i’m awake
and you feel like home.
—the beginning

you’re in bed with me
but i feel so alone
your skin feels cold
and your lips so coarse
it’s late, i’m awake
and i feel like running away.
—the end
Oct 2018 · 2.2k
Neli Oct 2018
i have all these feelings inside of me
and yet i feel empty
i love and care for others
and yet i don’t feel worthy
of love
or care
it’s like i’ve erased me from myself
i feel empty
and yet i manage to hurt
to long for love
to want to be cared for
it’s so confusing
i really don’t understand my feelings
i either feel too much or too little
sometimes way too little
it makes me want to hurt—or be hurt
because not even tears can flow.

— The End —