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nina Jul 2017
in a sudden flash
red & blue makes all my doubt
completely vanish
nina Jul 2017
his bags were packed & ready to go
but his clothes still hung in the closet.
he had his plane ticket tucked away
but he said he wouldn't be leaving yet.
he didn't care much to put in any effort
since he knew he'd be long gone soon.
careless about the messes he made
reminding himself "i leave at noon".
his body was there, laying on the bed
but his mind was ever so far away.
physically here, but had already left
unable to reverse our loves' decay.
i remember his bags were ready to go
months before he packed them.
i remember his feet had left me
weeks before he moved them.

for just a moment in your eyes
i swear, i felt the packing begin
i look at them now, unpacked & empty
& i pray they never get packed again.
{i pray you don't do what my ex did}
nina Jul 2017
if happiness was
a cake,
i wouldn't get
a slice.
i would circle around it,
smelling,
wanting & drooling
over it.
but never daring to
take a slice.
waiting for everyone to take
their share.
& when everyone has taken
one or two,
i see the empty cake plate
& sigh.
my stomach grumbles at me
again.
i am hungry, starved of food
again.
but i refuse to take a slice
of cake.
& like a sick girl, if i was offered
a bite
of someone else's slice & i ate it,
i'd *****.
purging myself of the things i'm not
allowed to have.
because i'm not a girl who deserves
this cake.
& i cry myself to sleep asking myself
"why"?
why can't i just eat the cake
& be happy?
but i still refuse to take a slice
of cake.
because it seems so much easier
when i'm empty.
{im sorry i keep hurting you when all you deserve is the whole **** cake & more. it's like i can't breathe when everything is going well...}
nina Jul 2017
there was  ice  wrapped
around my   h  e  a  r  t,
f r  e  e z  i  n g  it shut.
& then  the  ice  started
m  e  l   t  i   n  g  away,
but i  suddenly  started
f  e   e   l  i   n   g   cold.
cause this  ice,  burning
i n s i d e   my   v e i n s
has   made  itself  home.
cause   once    this     ice
crystallized,   my heart
got  f  r  o  s  t  b  i  t  e.
so  just because  the  ice
is  gone,  doesn't  mean
that my  heart has been
s       a      v      e       d.

»a.b.
nina Jul 2017
i used to swim a lot.
  i swam so much,
    my mum used to call me a mermaid.
      i'd take three deep breaths,
        then dive into the pool head first.
          & even though i was told not to,
            i'd keep my eyes open.
             as i swam,
            merely inches from the bottom,
          i kept my eyes wide open.
        i'd see the rays of light,
      breaking through the surface.
    as i swam,
  wiggling like a mermaid,
deep beneath the water,
  i kept my eyes wide open.
    i'd happily watch,
      as the lines of light,
        danced across the floor.
          to me, those reflections
            at the bottom of the pool,
            looked like marble tiles,
             lines of blue smoke,
            or lights from shiny shells.
          it was always peaceful.
        graceful,
      magical,
    beautiful,
  it was always my happy place.
& your eyes...
  they're pale blue,
    with little hints of green.
      & i stare at the lines of blue,
        dancing in your irises.
          it's as if the goddesses
            of the water
              have blessed you,
            with shards of water.
          shards of where my heart is home.
        & when i miss my happy place,
      all i need to do,
    is dive myself into your eyes.
  because your eyes
are my happy place.
»a.b.
nina Jul 2017
8w
i wish i understood
why my heart aches
nina Jun 2017
ahh love,     self love.
the more  self aware
i become, the more i
bloom, the less i
destroy & the
happier i
feel.
"ahh love, self love.
the more self aware i become,
the more i bloom, the less i destroy
& the happier i feel."
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