have you picked your poison?
look at us
look at all of us
pathetic
bags under our eyes,
lifeless and gaunt,
maxing out at three hours of sleep per night
what keeps you awake?
demons?
yes
skeletons?
yes
depression? war? weather? abuse? addiction? epidemics? heartache? heartbreak? stress? worry? scars? acceptance? lack of money? ******? despair? pending approval? family? illness? the future? disaster? pain? friends? tragedy? guilt? hatred? work? secrets? anger? anxiety? sadness? curiosity?

somewhere along the way
we forgot how to be happy
I mean, /h a p p y/
we forgot that we are only going to inhabit this place
one time, for any given (or taken) amount of minutes
and to remedy this
we pick a poison
so, tell me
what's yours?

I want you to text me drunk
want you to admit you still love me
want you to say my name
to say please
to say I'm sorry
to be you again

I want you to tell me about those nights
the ones when I would've settled for anyone
when I grabbed your hand
I want you to tell me how you remember it
want to hear you say how safe you felt
how right everything was
want to look into your eyes
because I could never bring myself to then

I want you to need me
to love me
to hurt me
to tell me you hate me
want you to want me until it hurts
until your heart explodes
until you start kicking yourself ******
because you know I will try to fix you
want you to be empty
to be sad
to be angry
to be forgotten
I want to be there
to be thoughts
to be longing
to be lust
to be dark living room
to be eighth beer
to be cigarette break
to be last time
to be last time
to be last time
to be I swear to god this is the last time

I want to destroy you from the inside out
want to be worse for you than the ******* in your veins
want to fill your lungs like tar
to burn your throat when you cough up my name
want your eyes to sting
your head to pulse the next morning like my heartbeat
your tongue to taste like mine

I want to be unhealthy
want to be bad habit
to be addiction
to be two weeks sober
to be relapse
to be six months sober
to be relapse
want you to come back
to crawl back
to beg
to cry
want you to feel every place I've ever touched you

I want you to realize what love is
want you to stop using the word lightly
want to get my heart's worth
want you to know what you signed up for
want you to understand what loving me means

I was never lost.
I had you.
I was never lost.
I had you.

Or maybe I never had you.
I was lost.
Or maybe I never had you.
I was lost.

You tell me.
What was going on?
Was I lost?
Or was I never
Because I had you.
I have no idea.

But I know
That I now have truly
Lost you.

And if you are ever broken,
I'll make sure to pick all
the pieces
not to fix you
but to be the strength
to keep you together.
You will still be a mess
but I'll lose myself in your pieces
And we'll be a mess
Together

And if you are ever bleeding
I know that i wont be the only gauze
to stop your bleeding
but i will be the last
and i will last
the longest.

And if you are ever in pain,
I'll hug you so tight
So i could absorb the pain
Like the gauze absorbing the blood,
If words cannot ease your pain.

And if you are ever lost,
I may not be able to be your map.
I'm sorry.
But i can hold your hand
and you wont have to be lost alone.

So, close your eyes, sweetheart.
Let the night be peaceful.
Let the serenity of the night
carry you away to wonderful places.
Let not the worries enter
Your mind and soul.
The pain will fill your nights'
With nightmares.

You're the gas
To the empty car
And that empty car
Is me
And you are the gas
That left the car empty
But you are the gas
That can fill the car up
To make it move.