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alexandra Jul 2020
I see everything differently. I used to drive down the road and think nothing of it, only noticing the trees and the people walking by. Now, each time I drive down the road I look for your face, hoping that in the crowds of people I would notice you. When I look at the trees I don’t admire their beauty, I search for your beauty in them. When I listen to music, all the songs remind me of you. Because now all of the sudden, each lyric is a note once written from me to you - perfectly describing how I feel for you. The coffee I drink reminds me of you too - I cannot run from you. For with each sip I am reminded of how you only drink black coffee, and with each swallow I take, I think of how if you were here you would criticize me for drinking it with cream. When I walk by the water I think of you. I think of how you kissed me by the water, held me, touched me, spoke to me - each wave that crashes floods my mind with memories of you. When I hear somebody yell, I hear you yelling. I hear your loud, raspy, and tired voice call out to me. I hear you say my name. I hear it all - my mind plays your voice like a record, the sound revolving in my head constantly. When I stare at this page, I cannot stop myself from thinking of you. I wonder what you would think of me if you read this. Would you laugh and call me pathetic or would you love me for it? I will never know. I often question what you are thinking about, and I often hope it is of me. I see life differently, each day when I wake I hope that the day brings me closer to you. I see the sun differently. When its beams shoot into the universe, and the heat touches my skin, I imagine that it is the heat of your skin against mine. You are the sun. As I write this I feel your emotions - I feel your hurt. I know you are no longer mine, however I feel as if I am still yours. When I think of love, I think of you - after all love isn’t easy, it is something you fight for. I will fight for you - I do not have you, but I will not lose you.
alexandra Jul 2020
you
I miss you.

Your voice repeats in the back of my head. Your touch now a distant memory. I remind myself, you are not mine, you were never mine.
I remind myself - you can’t lose what was never yours - but I feel as if I have been stripped of my most prized possession. I miss the sweet nothings you'd mutter, I miss the way you spoke. The thought of you pains me yet I continue to think of you. I cannot bring my mind to a halt. Memories of you and I flood my mind as I fear that I may forget you. But how could I forget you. I brush my fingers across my chin the same way you once did. I still feel the grooves of your fingertips. I am heavy. The weight of sorrow and sadness flow through me like a raging stream, crashing, and breaking me down from within. Every inch of my skin craves for yours. I am numb. I guess this is goodbye. You were the one who showed me how to love myself. You lit a ever-burning flame within. You will linger forever in my heart. I miss you. Oh god do I ******* miss you.

I had you. I lost you. I miss you.

You will burn forever in me.
alexandra May 2020
born in a world with so much to discover,
by the age of eight we begin to wonder,
as we grow up why does a place once filled with colour,
begin to make us shudder
alexandra May 2020
skin of porcelain, dolled up face, and a fabricated grin.
violet painted lips mutter the words, “I don’t love him anymore”.
goosebumps cover her skin once grazed by another,
he holds her, but he is not her lover.
both so broken, shattered hearts expressed in words better left unspoken,
whispers fill his ears.
“put me together,
i am broken.”
a lost love
alexandra Apr 2020
I do not fear the night.
The darkness that fills my surroundings provides me with comfort.

My mind may wonder,
And my thoughts may be consumed,
But I do not fear the night.

I fear losing you.
You are unpredictable.
I fear you.
I fear that if I lose you,
I will lose myself.

I do not fear the night.
I fear losing myself.

You are like the darkness.
I have lost myself in you.
I fear I will never find an escape.
alexandra Feb 2020
as the air wisps between the branches of the trees,
I can't help but think of you and me.

how the wind caresses each individual leaf,
and wraps around the stems.

our love is like the air and the trees.

every touch,
every moment,

I am wrapped in your love.
alexandra Feb 2020
there are some things I wish I could change.
like the way I see myself.

because maybe,
just maybe.

if I saw myself differently,

         so would you.
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