Nena Twedell

Nena Twedell Oct 2014

My hands outstretched before you
all my struggles and pain in my palms
Maybe I need to turn my palms downwards to drop them at your feet
But how do I drop them when I don't even know your there in front of me
Hands outstretched before me
Struggles and pain in my palms
And its getting too heavy to hold
Everyday every moment one more thing is added
My outstretched hands are getting full
I'm realizing that my hands aren't big enough
Arms outstretched before you
All my struggles and pain
Maybe I need to drop them at your feet
But how do I drop them
When I don't even know if your there in front of me
Every day every moment just a little more is added
Its getting too heavy
All this pain and struggles
My arms can't hold it anymore
How do I drop at your feet when I don't even know if your in front of me.

#pain #struggles #recovery #drop

Nena Twedell Oct 2014

Quench the Unquenchable

Quench the unquenchable thirst
let the water just through in every direction
Don't be afraid
It knows what its doing
The water knows where its taking you
let the saltiness sting your eyes and throat
To remind you your still alive
Become a rad doll of the ocean
Don't worry about where its taking you
it knows where you need to be
Let the water reach deep into your soul
Filling the secret hold you hide behind you smile
Quench the unquenchable thirst
Don't be afraid
The ocean knows exactly what you need
Let the saltiness remind you of all that is rich in your life
Don't fight it
The ocean is much bitter than you
It knows what it's doing
Let it take you to a better place
All it to quench the unquenchable
Let it remind you that your still alive
Don't worry about where its taking you.

#fear #secret #smile #soul #ocean #saltiness #unquenchable

Nena Twedell Oct 2014

Fearless Warrior

Fearless Warrior prepare for battle
Stand your ground
Fearless warrior dawn your armor
Be prepared for all things-Good and bad
Fearless Warrior hold your head up high
Don't get discouraged
This battle will only be for a little while
Fearless warrior prepare for battle
Stand your ground
Fearless Warrior dawn your armor
Hold true to your heart's desires
Fearless Warrior
Don't forget to look around you
Don't forget you have backup
Fearless Warrior stand your ground
Prepare for battle
Fearless Warrior remember
you don't always have to be fearless

#battle #fearless #warrior

Nena Twedell Oct 2014

Drowning

Can't breathe
Can't see
Can't Speak
I'm drowning
The harder I try the further down I fall
My air is running out
my lifelines are calling in a rain check when I need them the most
Everything around me is getting dark
Slowly getting darker and darker
All the words that I want to say get stuck in my through waiting to tumble out at any give moment
but stuck together
They'll never suspect a drowning
Accidental or intentional
I've been fighting for so long
With on one else on my side
beaten and worn
My oxygen levels are falling
Heart rate slowing
maybe then I'll find some peace of mind
Can't breathe
Can't see
Can't speak
Slowly drowning
just tired of it all
No one will ever suspect a drowning.

#depression #beaten #drowning #tired #oxygen #lifelines

Nena Twedell Oct 2014

Breathe

In a flash
A beat of a heart
The decision was made
A choice that can never be taken back
Breathe
The blink of an eye
and your smell was in my nose
Sending mixed messages everywhere in my body
Its a love affair that I just can't seem to get away from
I love you
then I hate you
Breathe
The decision was made by the time I ran into in the store
Just waiting for me to sheepishly say greet you with a smile.
My heart raced the closer we got
My thoughts bounced around
Reminding me of what the consequences may be
Breathe
But then I let my guard down even further
I let you dance with me in the dark
And dance with me in the light
I let you hold me closer than anyone else ever has
Breathe
Heart racing
words stuck in my throat
Mind rushing to find the right thing to say
Can't catch my breathe
as I watch you walking out the door
I try to catch you as your walking away
but I stumble because everything you do
still affects me
Breathe
A blink of an eye
a beat of the heart
a decision was made that I will never be able to take back.

#love #heart #walking #breathe #panic #eye #blink #guard #stumble

Nena Twedell Oct 2014

Untitled

Tears run down my face
Just like every stereotypical depressing poem I've ever written
But this time its different
This time I feel you looking at me in deep concern
Not because it benefits you
In no way does my panic benefit your life
but out of great concern for me as a being
Tears running down my face
You wipe them away as you hold me close to your chest
Reminding me how important my life is
Don't you see
Your the only one that has attempted to look deeper than my skin
Don't you see
your the only one who has wiped these tears away
You hear my cries for help
And you are here in moments
Your the only one that sees deeper than my skin
That sees the scars and open wounds on my heart
The tattered peaces of my soul
You see them You know just what to say
But your the only one.

#heart #tears #soul #you #one #skin #only #scars #wounds

Nena Twedell Sep 2014

Calls my name

It's calling my name
Soft as a whisper
But I muster up the strength
and walk away

Its calling my name
Yelling and screaming
as if I don't go to it I will die
Screaming a blood curdling scream
Threatening me with all of its being
but I find the courage to walk away

Its calling my name in every conversation
gently caressing my face
as it says sweet things to me
Trying to convince me its a good idea
but a sigh and a count to ten
I walk away

Calling my name in every laughter
tickling my belly
reminding me of the old times
All the old laughs and jokes we used to have
But I push it away and walk away

Calling my name as it wipes away every tear
telling me all the lies it has always told
              " I'll be there for you"
               " Trust me, we can change the world"
                "This time won't be like the last"
                  "Just trust me"
But I push it away and walk away

It calls my name as my world is crashing down around me
whispering everything I need to hear in my ear
Making me smile when tears fill my eyes
I let my walls come down
I still resist it
       pushing you away
       then pulling you closer
it's touch slides down my throat with a sense of comfort

       A rush of guilt floods me
       As I welcome it back in to my life

       Just as I said it would never be apart of my life again
I can't leave it behind for the night
It shall come home with me
Come to bed with me
And never leave me

As I allow it to touch me deeper and deeper
Ignoring the effects on my judgement
Ignoring what tomorrow will be like
Because tonight
It holds me close

With a comfort no other being has ever given me
It whispers my name in my ear
in the most beautiful tones
How can I ever say goodbye

#alcohol #goodbye #guilt #name #recovery #resistance #calls