His instant coffee sits at the back of the drawer in the break room
Just like always
His coffee cup, work phone sits in his box waiting for him
Just like always

I wait for him in the mornings in the break room
Waiting, listening for him to walk through the door
Just like always

When the door doesn't open I remind myself
Its been two months now
Its been real for two months
And your never going to walk through those doors again
Your never going to pull out your instant coffee and coffee mug
Rushing around because your late for your shift again

So I work
I avoid "your" work
It makes me think too much of you
It makes me want to hear your joyful laugh again
So I work

Break time comes
I sit on the couch waiting
Sometimes seconds
Sometimes minutes
Sometimes the whole time
Waiting for you to come around the corner with a new discovery
To discuss your new favorite youtube video
But then I remind myself
Its been two months now
Its been real for two months

So I work
I avoid "your" work
It makes me think too much of you
It makes me want to hear your joyful laugh again
So I work

You're often the topic of discussion
I avoid it
It hurts too much
Your name is like the sound of nails across the chalkboard
Stabbing me in the chest making it hard to breath
Your name is like sugar
Sweet and sincere
Bringing a smile to my face

But I have to remind myself when I see cars that look just like yours
Its been two months now
Its been real for two months

So I work
I avoid "your" work
It makes me think too much of you
It makes me want to hear your joyful laugh  again
So I work

My story is simple
Like the life of a tree
That’s never been planted in the ground
Spent some time here and there
Never putting down my roots anywhere
Going where ever the wind blows
Afraid to put those walls down for anyone
Few and far between have seen me break
But here I stand
Fighting for this journey to be mine

My story is complicated
Like a grapevine growing against the lattice in the garden
Twisted and tangled
Growing in every direction
Never knowing what may happen next
Vines lying on the ground where life used to be full
Vines flourishing and reaching for this sky
Spreading slowly but strong across the garden
Reaching for some support and love
Patiently waiting for my turn.

My story is uniquely my own
Through my pains and struggles
My only hope is to inspire
Never cut down a vine of another vine
Through the storm I’ve come out bigger and stronger
But never on my own
With the support of my friends and family close by holding my hand
Sometimes just a hand on my shoulder knowing this battle is for me
But never alone
My story has plot twists and turns
Ups and downs
Moments of intoxicating laughter
Moments of heartbreaking screams
But my story is not about the heartbreak but about the strength I found from within
Before you I stand
Stronger than before ready to take on the world
This is my story
So come dance with me in the rain
And the sun
As the world rushes by us
We’ll stop to smell the roses
Because nothing is as sweet as taking a moment to remember the parts of life that matter.

I'm a song stuck on repeat
A broken record
Always looking for answers
Feeling broken and lost
Tired of waiting for time to do its job
Stuck on repeat
looking for a skip button
So I can have a happy ending too
Tired of playing life's victim
just don't know how to find my way back to the lighted path
I'm a song on repeat
repeating all the things that are wrong
Repeating all the cries for help
Stuck in a ravine with no way out
No one to hold the other end of a rope to get out
Hearing all the same things echoing around me
Everyone is rushing about avoiding eye contact
Like they are afraid of what I have to say
Afraid of what they may see in my eyes
Can't find the right answers
Stuck on repeat

Picking up the pieces
that are laying on the ground like shattered glass
So many pieces left on the ground
but the pieces keep falling between my fingers
Slowly breaking the pieces that weren't so broken into small pieces

Like a pumpkin smashing after Halloween
A pumpkin on Halloween night glowing and smiling with untainted joy
smashed and destroying the the smile on its face
Stripping away its temporary joy
Before its time
just like mine
broken before its time
searching for some answers

like a snowman searching for its head in the snow
with no answers in sight
the sun is coming for the snowman.