I find myself
in the same winter grave
year after year.
Lucky for me,
it's not too cold
for me to claw my way
back into the warm arms
of summer.

Nobody wants to
be sad but we're human and
no one's free of it

9:32 AM
19/8/23

There is a
black hole where
this heart once stood.
Even this power house
exhausts all of its love and spirit
over time
only to collapse
under the weight of
the world.

But I have never
cared about taking myself
so seriously

4:26 PM
25/3/22

You were the softest
fire I had ever touched-
the flame to guide me

7:30 PM
3/2/25

Dear diary;
I am growing tired of this mind,
tired of overthinking, of the endless cycle.
"When will this day end? This week, this month, this year?"
I grow tired of society and their norms and expectations.
I want to enjoy life again, to be free, not just endure,
to go through the motions again and again.
I try to savor the good times like a rose,
to smell it, and see it in all its beauty,
until it withers away.
Indeed, I am tired of this winter,
and all the dreariness it brings.
I want to live.

I don't think
I could ever fit in.
Sometime I feel I was born
to walk alone...
and that is okay.
I have known solitude
all my life and
thought some people will
never understand...
that is okay.

Dear diary;
I caught myself
thinking about you again.
I know,
it's nothing new-
I thought about you yesterday
and the day before that.
I need to work
on that...

Take your eyes off yesterday
and look to me, the future.
Walk towards me, run if you must,
but do not be afraid of me.
Do not doubt yourself or I
and don't let yesterday hold you back.
Let go of the past, of all the pain,
the loss and the darkness and
do not look back.
You are close now,
I can feel you already,
come to me, the future.

Are you drifting from me?
Or am I drifting from you?
The seas are against us and I fear
I will soon be a dot on your horizon,
the same dot at the end of a question mark
that may be forever left unanswered.

It's true that I can't
see you anymore but I
still can't forget you

5:24 PM
25/2/25

You should aim to be
kind and loyal but not at
the cost of yourself.

4:18 PM
23/3/24

Dear diary;
looks like it's
another night of
staring at the guitar,
wishing and wondering if
these **** hands can translate
the beautiful chaos
raging in this head.

What if the flowers of spring won't blossom?
What if I never run through the fields again?
What if I can't make it through the winter?
What if I may never see you again?
What if you won't wait for me anymore?
What if we won't find a way?

Solitude is not my enemy,
Solitude is more of a pet.
I call it over in times of need-
it comes to me, sits by my side
and makes for good company.
Sometimes solitude will bite
to remind me of just how lonely
the solitary life can be.
But thanks to solitude,
I see life for what it is.

Our story may have
been painful but it was my
favourite one to read

8:49 PM
16/9/23

Let us discover
different places together,
where you go, I go

3:45 PM
18/1/21

How time flies
when my lips meet yours.
I close my eyes and
time does not
matter anymore.

People come,
and people go-
it's one of the surest things
in life.
So why is it so hard for me
to accept that?

You are only
torturing yourself
when trying to guess
what would have happened.
The past has happened,
and no amount of
thought will
change that.

I regret to inform you,
but I'm not home anymore.
I have left that place and all
the memories that remained.
One day I hope to forget
all the pain stored inside
the place I called my home.
Indeed, I have moved away from you
and I am not looking back.

Sometimes its best to
forget when remembering
is just too painful

7:52 PM
25/8/22

The sun doesn't stop shining
just because we stop looking.
Why should you stop writing
if you think no one is reading?

In this life there are
people who like and dislike you.
It has taken me too long to let the latter go,
and to understand that there is
little you can do to change that.
All you can do is let them go,
move on, and live with that fact
because not everyone is going to like you.
Understand that it is their loss
and that tripping over yourself
for others will never bring
you happiness nor
your true self.

Isn't it ironic how
heartbreak can make you
push people away when all
you want is love.

You are my sun,
and I am your moon.
Find your way to me across
the skies, the land and the oceans
and meet me at dawn.

She's a sunflower
minding her own in a field
of thorns and thistles

6:41 PM
12/3/21

I will no longer
know anything about you
and you will no longer
remember my name.
I will no longer
cross your thoughts
and you will no longer
dream about me.
I will no longer
share your warmth
and you will no longer
hold these hands.

How can you say you're
empty when the universe
is inside of you?

4:16 PM
18/5/22

I don't want to know you anymore-
not how your day was,
not what you dream,
or even your name.
You cut me down and
I'm still climbing back
to who I used to be.

Dear Diary;
another day,
another awkward interaction
that no one probably cares about...
except me,
of course.
Is it going to keep me up at night?
Of course.
Will it make me want to die?
Of course.

I cannot believe
that you cannot believe that
you are amazing

7:32 PM
25/5/22

Some people stay
because they truly
understand you while
others leave for
the exact same
reason.
This is one of
life's greatest
ironies.

I do believe in
monsters and demons and they
live in you and I

11:23 AM
4/4/21

To move on
is not to find someone new-
to move on
is to have no one
but still love
yourself.

I used to think
that I was invincible-
a stone heart impenetrable
to the holiest
of goddesses.
And then I met you-
just one glance and this heart
began to thaw.

I remember when
you were still a sunflower-
back when you planned to reach the sun,
back before they had trimmed your leaves
and left you to wither.

Dear diary;
my life is far
from normal
but not so strange that I
should fear what
lies ahead.

I just try to keep
myself busy so that I
don't feel anything

11:40 PM
20/3/21

If you make a heart
your home then surely you too
will end up homeless

8:10 PM
18/7/22

You are the sun
shining upon me,
a withering sunflower,
from dawn until dusk.
We dance in the sunlight
and dream in the twilight
and flourish every day
underneath your brilliance.
So keep on beaming your magic
down upon this Earth
and make your alluring spell
last forever.

The burden of hope
is bound to take its toll
on me,
yet it is all that
keeps me going-
such a dangerous thing
hope can be.

Dear Aria;
Merry Christmas;
I don't know how I got this far
without you but I
will keep going
for you.
I miss you.
I love you.

Darkness calls me
at midnight and takes pity
on this lonely soul.
The night turns cold and
the shadows return after
another busy day of
distracting myself in light,
out of their reach
if only for
a little while.

I hope life is treating you well
wherever you are right now.
Just know I still think of you
for you are never forgotten in this heart.
Indeed, this heart misses you
for it is you that fills it.
That way you are never gone from me,
and though the years pass,
I can treasure what I keep in my heart
like a fire on a winter's night.

I had never
felt more 'me'
than when I
was 'yours'

You got used to the
shadows and solitude
where you always felt
most at home.

Dear diary;
I'm so tired.
I am so tired of wasting energy
on those who so not reciprocate.
I am so tired of proving a point
to those who do not listen.
I am so tired of forgiving the same person
over and over again.
I am so tired of putting on a happy face
when that is not the case.
I am so tired of staying silent
for my mental health.
I am so tired.

I am still learning
to give what you made me feel-
love and all that's nice

19/5/22

I guess I
will always be
writing about you
even though you
might not see
these words.