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1.3k · Aug 2020
Tough Skin
Mikaela L Aug 2020
300 pounds,
Well-built,
Stumping on the dusty sand,
Golden chains fall off his neck,
Thick rings depart from a block of fingers,
Jo plunges into heavy waters,
Swims,
Boasts in his riches,
Disappears.

Would you love all the fat?
The fried chicken in his legs?
The alcohol filling his stomach,
To the point of exhaustion,
To the regret of a feeble button,
Too superficial,
Too excited,
To remain amongst the rest.

Do you know the weight of his soul?
200 lbs,
500 lbs,
He's got too much heart,
Much mass,
Tough skin.
I wrote this poem about a very heavy friend of mine. Let's give weight a chance!
501 · May 2020
Guava
Mikaela L May 2020
Red guavas fall,
From trees all around us,
And land, victoriously, on the island of our palms,
A soft cushion, paler than the cracked pavement.

Give me a guava or two,
Let’s juggle, one at a time,
Right to left,
One fell, pick it up! C’mon!
Hand me a guava,
I will count them,
I will ensure you taste one,
That our teeth grind them,
With the delicacy of a tropical breeze.

Climb up the guava tree,
I'm already reaching for a pair,
Our mouths are full, there is guava on my lips,
On her lips,
On his lips,
On our lips, “may I help you?”

NO TRESPASSING,
Said a sign on the fence,
“Too late,” you said,
NO MORE GUAVA.
461 · Dec 2019
It Withers
Mikaela L Dec 2019
One of my curls delightfully wraps around his finger,
My hand reaches for his finger, sizes the awful curl,
A word of hate strikes the lover.

You love me, but what is love?
Love is patience,
Love is kindness,
Love is wise,
My love, we are none of those things,
Our love's impatient,
Our love's cruel,
Our love's foul.

See the flower in the desert?
Under the dreadful red sun,
See the petals as they fall?
That is our love.

For you,
M. L.
447 · Nov 2020
Aloft
Mikaela L Nov 2020
After a while, I realized,
My mind was quite aloft,
All the daydreaming, the crying,
The cursing in between dreams,
So bleak, so dark, so tasteless,
So easy to forget, but so notoriously present,
I no longer sleep at night,
Instead, I sleep with my eyes wide open,
In bare daylight,
I marvel at the talent I've cultivated,
Or, at least, at the unspoken ability that,
The little girl that I once was has resorted to,
Just to bear one more day,
Only one more.
Do you daydream as much as I do?
420 · Oct 2020
To Be in Love
Mikaela L Oct 2020
I sometimes dream of you,
Light comes in,
I am awakened,
We do what lovers do,
Or, perhaps, what lovers don't do,
We stare at each other for hours,
There's no kissing,
No hugging,
No touch,
Just words ... and light,
You are the most dreadful word in my native tongue,
"This cannot be,"
You say slowly,
I agree,
You are just a dream.
Am I the only one who dreams of such a being?
404 · Jul 2020
Heaven
Mikaela L Jul 2020
"You'll go to hell," my mother said,
What is hell?
What is heaven?
Does it all matter?
The difference.

My heart was pried open,
You came in to love me,
My heart smiled,
At your loveliness,
To your rhythmic sounds,
It danced,
Love, hell. I guess, I'll see you there.
305 · Apr 27
Sol, Sola, Solita
Mikaela L Apr 27
Me he recluido,
Mi habitacion es mi hábitat,
La ventana,
Lo que me separa de los turistas,
Los de pueblos lejanos que vienen a verme,
Los de acentros indescifrables,
Los que vienen a verme,
A mí,
Sol, Sola, Solita.
269 · Oct 2020
LOUDER
Mikaela L Oct 2020
Why do people get louder when they are misunderstood?
Maybe each syllable becomes W  I  D  E  R, TALLER, simpler,
Maybe the alarming noise opens a path for the important,
Maybe there is no reason at all,
Maybe there is an element of Guernica in it,
Maybe, just like Picasso ... they just do it.
I've always wondered if it really works...
249 · Oct 2020
Cat Cuts & Gillettes
Mikaela L Oct 2020
The first time I heard of cat cuts,
Was the first time I heard of gillette blades,
You carried one to defend yourself,
I searched the pockets of your tight jeans, Only to learn,
That some,
Some brave women,
Carry a handful.

I then looked at your bruises,
The red,
The scarred stripes on the back of your forearms,
I was disappointed,
I just didn't know,
About cat cuts & gillettes.
I once met this girl who used to cut herself. I asked her about the cuts on her arm and she said they were cat cuts. What's up with the stigma around MENTAL HEALTH?
239 · Oct 2020
Everyone's Breaking
Mikaela L Oct 2020
Eyes shuttered,
Red curtains,
A downfall,
Your eye bags,
They...don't hide,
That you're breaking,
Breaking day by day,
Breaking every time,
Every time they mutter that word,
Every time they look at you,
As if you were not good enough,
Smart enough,
Humble enough,
Pure enough,
You're breaking,
But, just a little bit,
But, dear, everyone is,
BREAKING, just a little bit.
I was crying today, but then I turned to grandma...she was also crying.
235 · Apr 27
Dry
Mikaela L Apr 27
Dry
Everytime I come to this class,
She's there,
At the podium,
Expectant,
Then...SILENCE
The room's empty,
It's only the two of us,
I- you-I
I just stare,
Repeat my answer in my head,
Just twice,
I've reformulated the sentence,
Now a paragraph long,
As I open my mouth,
Everything goes pitch black,
Then, we're back,
Lights on,
They're all here,
Listening,
She looks at you,
As if the lights were always on,
She examines the room and quietly asks,
"Does anyone have anything to say?"
I-you-I say "I do,"
The lights go out.
This is literally how I feel everytime I come to this class!
234 · Dec 2020
Sad It's Your Birthday
Mikaela L Dec 2020
I know this isn't what you envisioned,
You feel like you've been driving for too long,
Under a blizzard, the heavy snow,
The windshield,
Nothing more than ice,
It's an infinite road,
You're just driving home,
And it's your birthday,
I know,
You just want to come home.
I wrote this poem for my wonderful sister. Today's her birthday and we've had a couple of rough weeks. I wish I could heal her...that's all.
208 · Nov 2020
Home Less
Mikaela L Nov 2020
Less like home,
More like streets,
Mean streets,
In utter darkness,
Shutting on me,
Blessing me with encounters with the lowlife,
With the cold winters and the "too hot to bear" summers,
Down these mean streets,
I've been looking for the perfect corner,
That side of the street where shoppers stop by,
Because it reminds them of the old times,
When the city was a city,
And the streets were more than mean.
205 · Oct 2020
X: A Place of My Own
Mikaela L Oct 2020
I ‘ve been kicked out,
Pushed like a newborn out of the womb,
I didn’t cry, so I was spanked,
No one was left in the room, not even the mother.

I tried to crawl,
But my limbs were not ready,
I cried for the nurse,
She came back with a labeled plastic,
I was scared of what it meant,
I still wore it.
I still don't understand myself, but that's ok.
201 · Dec 2020
E:{No Importa}
Mikaela L Dec 2020
Seis meses con la culpa,
Tú eres responsable,
Te he pintado de culpable,
No lo he dudado ni un segundo,
La culpa la tengo yo.

No debí confiar,
Me pasa por el descuido,
Que he tenido,
No te pido que te disculpes,
Nunca lo vas a hacer,
Solo quiero ya decirte,
No importa,
No me importa,
De verdad.
Para alguien
196 · Dec 2019
To Her
Mikaela L Dec 2019
Sometimes I write to her,
To her crooked teeth,
To her hazel eyes,
To the freckles that populate her cheeks,
To the golden birth mark that adorned her midriff,
To the olive skin that she so much hated,
To her.
194 · Oct 2020
Odio
Mikaela L Oct 2020
Odio tu rostro,
Odio tu sonrisa,
Cuando me ridiculizas,
Te odio,
Cuando me gritas,
Te odio,
Cuando me criticas,
Cuando esperas que sea fuerte,
Cuando me escuchas llorar,
Te odio,
Quisiera ser la buena y no odiar,
Pero, en este mundo,
A los buenos nos quieren ahogar.
192 · Feb 23
Colgué el teléfono
Mikaela L Feb 23
Llamaste.
Eran las 9,10,11,4,5,6,
Colgué el teléfono,
No logro conseguir el sueño,
“Tu padre está triste,”
Por favor, ya no llames más,
“Se entrecorta la llamada,”
Tu madre no deja de pensar en ti,
“Voy bajo un túnel.”
178 · Dec 2020
Un día normal
Mikaela L Dec 2020
Despierto, duermo, despierto,
Un ciclo infinito,
Mis brazos enlazados,
Envueltos,
Mordidos por sábanas blancas,
Frazadas azules,
Mis propias piernas,
Soportan mi peso.

Boca abajo…
Duermo,
Me despierto,
Me arrepiento,
No conozco la razón,
Mucho menos el razonamiento terco,
Que me ha llevado a dormir en esta posición,
Protección,
Podría ser,
Pero ¿qué harán unos brazos débiles y unas piernas desnutridas?
Solo la muerte podría venir en defensa de un esqueleto.
177 · Oct 2020
Dejárselo al mar
Mikaela L Oct 2020
Levanto,
Preguntas,
Son tuyas.

Las echo al mar,
Les digo,
"Vayan a otro destino,"
Me pregunto si al preguntar,
Alguna vez, te has preguntado cómo se siente ser cuestionada,
Por ser real.

Me siento a pensar,
Me siento perdida,
Ensillada en tus pensamientos,
Aquellos árboles secos,
Aquellos ríos extintos,
No hay fruto en tu mente,
Solo sequía.
175 · Nov 2020
I’m Tired
Mikaela L Nov 2020
My mind is asleep,
I can't complete simple tasks,
I’m tired,
Early morning,
Late at night,
Time don’t mean a thing,
For I am under an evil lullaby,
There’s no moment,
There's no time,
Just a continuum,
Of flashbacks,
Old memories that keep stimulating my interest,
Or interests that stimulate early memories,
As I look at the supercut of passing scenes from my twin bed.
174 · Dec 2019
Marcharme
Mikaela L Dec 2019
Las botas de piel sintética están allí,
En el lado oscuro del armario,
Enterradas, malolientes, ajenas a mí.

Están rotas, no, no las levantes,
No, no las brilles con los dedos, están mugrientas,
Miralas, mira las suelas, se van a esfumar.

Ah, sí, las botas,
Las traje para mí,
Para cuando tenga que marcharme.
143 · Dec 2020
El dolor de pensar
Mikaela L Dec 2020
Estoy pensando en exceso,
Creo que me va a matar,
Quisiera matar el pensamiento,
Espantarlo,
Asustarlo,
Solo por un minuto de soledad.
137 · Aug 2020
What Are They Capable of?
Mikaela L Aug 2020
Afraid, trembling,
They have us,
Cornered,
They challenge,
Values,
Long upheld,
Long forgotten,
Long established,
To erase the few,
That don't fit,
That don't think,
The same,
That don't hum,
The songs we've taught our children.

Oh, are we afraid?
Yes, we are afraid,
Of the unknown,
What are they capable of?
Erasing family ties with unchanging love,
Painting our walls with colorful lust,
What are they capable of?
I wrote this poem as a reaction to the destructive rhetoric against the LGTBQ+ community employed by the Polish president during his recent candidacy.
113 · Jun 25
No escribo
Mikaela L Jun 25
No sé por qué le escribo,
Quizás me da lástima,
Haberla dejado de lado,
Haberla defraudado,
No haber llegado a la meta,
Haberme quedado sin metas,
Con tristeza pura a mi alrededor,
Lo he olvidado todo,
Ya no recuerdo nada,
No encuentro nada,
Todo me da igual,
Por eso...
Ya no escribo más.
Para la pequeña Marie... me haces falta.
112 · Jun 25
Terminarlo
Mikaela L Jun 25
Nunca he terminado nada,
Me emociona empezar,
Me da pereza terminar,
Hoy me he prometido terminarlo todo.
110 · Oct 2020
Quiero bajar
Mikaela L Oct 2020
Una angustia infinita,
Un rostro trágico,
No hay razón alguna,
Somos perfectos,
Tú eres la imperfecta,
Te has hecho todo un ocho,
Solita te agonizas,
Solo te explicamos que eres un error,
Que te vistes como un vagabundo,
Que hablas en tonos deformes,
Que tienes gustos distintos,
Olvida la fémina,
Abraza lo normal,
Solías ser normal.
A veces dudo si mi "yo" interior vale algo...
96 · Dec 2020
Stupid
Mikaela L Dec 2020
Lately,
I've been acting stupid,
I've been in bed,
Buried under pastel sheets,
Thinking of that time,
When I was so afraid of heights,
But I still put the harness on,
They pushed me into the woods,
Someone got stuck,
I kept going,
I kept acting stupid,
I laughed it off,
I shouldn't have.
I went ziplining...
95 · Jul 2020
Running Water
Mikaela L Jul 2020
I am running water,
Held at the waist by a sweet dam,
Silenced by fighting leaves,
****** in my direction by the whirling wind,
Everything reflects on me,
My waters wonder, "who am I?"
For my reflection, I don't see,
I see a mockingbird atop a tree,
I see the white sun above me,
I see the world as I experience it,
Bleak,
Can it see me?
94 · Oct 2020
Bon Voyage
Mikaela L Oct 2020
The ship's rocking on a blue sea,
It's one, two, three starts,
They're shining bright,
Just for me,
The wind, delighted by my vessel, dances,
Its hands, tightly around the simple maid,
She turned into a princess and left me,
Or, I left her,
As I swam underneath my ship,
I said,"Bon Voyage,"
And, at the top of my lungs,
I sang.

They both left,
Now they live with the starts,
I see them,
One,
Two,
Three,
There,
Bright as daylight.
90 · Dec 2019
Just Kids
Mikaela L Dec 2019
So, you came closer,
You faced me, fearless,
You tilted my chin with your finger,
I faced you, fearless,
I looked you in the eye,
You smiled,
I smiled back at you,
The bell rang,
I forgot about it, did you?
84 · Oct 2020
No existo
Mikaela L Oct 2020
Hoy, entre el reloj y la pantalla de mi computador,
Hoy, entre conversaciones grandiosas,
Hoy me preguntas si me creo el gran "Creador",
Te envío un mensaje envuelto en rosas secas,
"Tú eres la creación",
La grandiosa idea,
La meta,
La metida de pata,
La mera esperanza,
Pero...
Ya no creo en ti,
Pero, el creador tampoco cree en sí mismo,
Por ende,
En sí misma,
Vez?
No hay salida alguna,
Solo me queda volver a crear...
Una historia de un creador inexistente. Vea usted....
81 · Oct 2020
Cold Cake
Mikaela L Oct 2020
You made me,
I am you,
More than you are yourself,
I want you,
To see me,
I'm breaking,
No, I don't want cake,
I want cold cake,
I want ice in my mouth,
Cool down,
I'm falling,
See,
I,
Can't smile,
It's all ice here.
81 · Apr 27
Madre
Mikaela L Apr 27
No era lo que esperabas,
"Naciste fea,"
Alguna vez me confesaste,
"Luego, te arreglaste,"
Y si no,
"Si no me arreglé,
Si soy la misma,
Porque, madre,
Tú eres la misma."
Y si,
"Si cambié,
Si nací de nuevo,
Si una noche alguien me entró a tu viente,
Y en segundos,
Me arreglé."
I'm a simple woman; I feel and then write.
79 · Oct 2020
Requiem
Mikaela L Oct 2020
Nothing,
Nothing compares...
To the sight of a cold corpse,
Dry tulips atop a lustered rectangle,
A box for the truth,
A cell for the dead,
The sound of bells from a nearby wedding,
The cries of babies on tired arms,
The smell of a dusty church,
Burning in the middle of a December afternoon.

I hold a rosary,
More for the living than for the dead,
For the living are often dead,
And the dead are often living,
Maybe we'll meet someday,
Say your last goodbye,
It's time to go,
Bury the dead,
Go on with the living,
Hide the truth under the soil,
But know that it will grow again,
You'll see it in fresh cut tulips,
The white sun will remind you,
The breeze will whisper my name,
Syllable by syllable,
My name will haunt you.
My identity has been questioned countless times, and, while I try to be strong and go on with my life, I always end up listening to critics who seem to know what I should be like. In this poem, I speak of the death of my identity and its rebirth. It lives without me...
77 · Jul 2020
Toma de mí
Mikaela L Jul 2020
Toma de mí,
Bebe mi mano,
Mi brazo,
Enlazo mis piernas,
No temas,
Solo,
Toma de mí.

Pierde la cordura,
Embriagate en mí,
Pero, entre ensueño,
Tócame a mí,
Como la lira,
Con los dedos entre cuerdas,
Cantándome tu canción.
A lo inexistente...
68 · Dec 2020
Where Sadness Meets Pain
Mikaela L Dec 2020
Sadness the crow held to the thinnest branch of a tree,
Vigilant, the bird saw me and said "hello" with a song,
I had no words, for I was cold and felt a large lump in my throat,
I walked the park in search for a green bench,
And there he was, I knew him,
It was Mr. Pain, "oh, dear friend!"
He embraced me and wrapped me in a paternal hug,
"Long time no see!"
Pain and I were long lost friends,
Our friendship sparked when I was fifteen,
He would visit me in the afternoon,
He was there for me when my mom was away,
Pain, "oh, how I've missed you, old friend!"
His eyes were darker than I remembered,
Two black holes placed on a disfigured face,
"I want to introduce you to my beautiful crow," he said,
As he caressed the head of the bird, he uttered the name of his pet, "Sadness, that's it!"
We spent the afternoon catching up,
Just like the old days.
67 · Jul 2020
Savage
Mikaela L Jul 2020
Drilling into my skull,
As a chip in my brain,
Your image stays,
It is stale.

On this cold night,
With blurry stars on my face,
I see you again,
Your brown curls entangle my senses,
Your green eyes take me to a jungle,
I land on the green canopy,
Where the sun meets the dark soil,
Where the creation of your heart lies.

Let me explore your jungle,
Deliberately shake your palms,
Hang on a crooked branch,
Wait for a warm rain,
Burn with the first rays of sunlight,
Swim your rivers without care,
Turn savage again.
Mikaela L Dec 2020
My dad drove me there,
Well, he didn't mean to,
He drove me around the city,
It was a purple afternoon,
An orange hue consumed it all,
The sky ended up looking grotesque,
And, there it was,
The ice cream shop,
2006,
6 PM,
Grandpa drove me there,
He got a cone,
I got a small cup with three scoops,
The whole thing's now for sale,
Dilapidated,
It stands still.
Early memories will always haunt us...
64 · Jul 2020
Indiferencia
Mikaela L Jul 2020
Malo,
No,
Bien mal,
Difiero de tu actitud constante,
La altitud de la frialdad de tu puño,
Me consta que te duele que me duela,
Lo haces, me haces, cenizas,
En la hoguera de mi cabeza,
Ya no hay leña,
Tú la arrojas sin razón,
Me pregunto,
Qué hacemos con el humo?
Me incendio,
Por qué?
Repito,
Me apagas,
Me enciendes,
Razón alguna?
No hay.
Just felt Spanish flowing through my veins. There'd be better days...
#na
63 · Apr 2020
Not a Poem
Mikaela L Apr 2020
Creamy, golden dots emerged from the depths of the children's pool. I had never seen so many shades of black in the same pool before. " Ouch," it was too late to complain, a small girl with ***** hair had already pulled some of my brown locks, questioning their realness. "How can your hair look so well in water?"
- Wait a minute, how old was she?
-Six.
- Shut up!
A pool in LES
56 · Dec 2020
One More Therapy Session
Mikaela L Dec 2020
~THERAPY~
I sit on an aging sofa,
Facing an old-fashioned clock on the wall,
It's finally 3:00,
My therapist sits on a leather chair,
Looks down at her notes,
As if her scribbles had any relevance to my problems,
"Well, how's home?"
I answer the same questions,
"You have plans for the holidays, right?"
I lie,
I smile,
I try to be funny,
That's all I can do.

Truth is,
I've been bouncing from home to home,
My parents and their respective partners hate me,
"I got a teaching job,"
I don't know if I signed the contract because I love children,
Or because I needed to get a place of my own,
My last meal was a day ago, 10am to be exact,
Well,
"How's home?"
Is this a trick question?
56 · Dec 2020
Full Circle
Mikaela L Dec 2020
I'm afraid of being the center of attention,
I fear the pale spotlight,
The coldness of the stage,
The rhythmic applause...echoing,
I fear being examined,
Maybe because I have been scrutinized before,
Not by a doctor or a lover,
No, not by any of those,
But by my creators,
The ones who promised to love me,
UNCONDITIONALLY,
Until now,
Until nine months ago,
Until that call,
The call that stopped my heartbeat,
Induced me in a dangerous ride,
The call that told you the truth,
About me,
About her,
About you,
Maybe you already knew it,
You saw it coming,
Right then,
When you held the phone to your ear,
With its broken screen,
In speaker mode,
Right then,
I was hit by the light above the stage,
And, just then...
It all came to me,
Full circle.
Just a memory...
55 · Jul 2020
Unnatural Passions
Mikaela L Jul 2020
At dusk I rise,
Tiptoes lift me,
Passing shadows guide me,
I'm in darkness,
Running,
Spreading my arms out,
Reaching for safety.

I pray to passions,
Unnatural ones,
Those no one's spoken about,
Those of another world,
Where we embrace in silence,
Without the least of regrets.
Nature ... why are always comparing ourselves to it? We bring it up, then we dismiss it. We are special. We are HUMAN. We are civilized.
54 · Nov 2020
I Loved You
Mikaela L Nov 2020
I still tell them I loved you,
I did, once, I thought of you,
Very deeply,
With a sharp sensitivity,
With a wide smile,
As I recalled our afternoon talks,
The look in your eyes,
That spark that conveyed admiration,
You always said I was strong,
I always said I was clueless,
That was why I was strong,
Because,
Every morning I would wake up thinking,
Of nothing more than leaving,
For a better place,
Far, beyond your dreams,
Beyond the stars that you so much loved,
I wanted to end it,
My life,
But you always told me...how strong I was,
I know I haven't told you this, but I, I loved you once.
54 · Aug 2020
Mr. Right
Mikaela L Aug 2020
You're full to the rim,
Trivial opinions swim the sea of your innocuous intentions,
Some drown, as your beliefs grow like rice,
Your opinion is prized above all,
Everyone around you is ill-fitted for independent thought,
Near you, my mind remains locked and my teeth bite on blocks of gauze,
May no word escape me.
52 · Dec 2019
Te imagino
Mikaela L Dec 2019
Te imagino,
Fumándote un cigarro,
Con los tatuajes marcados en el pecho
Al aire,
Mirándome de lejos,
Pensando en mí.
#💘 toxic love
52 · Jul 2020
I Write
Mikaela L Jul 2020
I Write,
I throw meaningless symbols,
As they land on a legal pad, I crumble,
At the sight of a powerful landscape,
Destruction. My desire,
I want a sharp "t" cutting my throat,
I long to fasten an "l" around my arm,
To tug the remaining sides,
To infuse myself with the ink of a big "o,"
To grab the "g" of a "good night,"
To steal all words from the eternal white sun,
To never let go,
I want them all,
Written on my body.
An amateur.
43 · Aug 2020
Living in the Heart
Mikaela L Aug 2020
I'm captivated by the red hues that possess the room,
In the center of a throbbing heart
The sight of apple peel and red wine,
I kneel,
Worshiping the white sun that shines through new velvet curtains,
Gifting me the painful landscape.

I wondered if, indeed, I had been placed as some old plaster card in a fist-sized heart,
In my newfound home, I believed this was the wounded heart of the world,
I happened to be drenched in blood, as more of it rushed into my nostrils,
Eyelids shut, mouth sewn,
Can't keep the blood at bay.
40 · Jul 2020
Heads & Tails
Mikaela L Jul 2020
Drop the coin,
I said tails; heads now.

I know, I changed,
My mind, etched.

No. I'm heads now,
May you, my dear, be tails,
Wrap them around my neck,
Trap the flowing river in me,
**** me at once. Let me die,
For I am life. Death in flesh.
# deception # change #💘
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