I still tell them I loved you,
I did, once, I thought of you,
Very deeply,
With a sharp sensitivity,
With a wide smile,
As I recalled our afternoon talks,
The look in your eyes,
That spark that conveyed admiration,
You always said I was strong,
I always said I was clueless,
That was why I was strong,
Because,
Every morning I would wake up thinking,
Of nothing more than leaving,
For a better place,
Far, beyond your dreams,
Beyond the stars that you so much loved,
I wanted to end it,
My life,
But you always told me...how strong I was,
I know I haven't told you this, but I, I loved you once.

You're full to the rim,
Trivial opinions swim the sea of your innocuous intentions,
Some drown, as your beliefs grow like rice,
Your opinion is prized above all,
Everyone around you is ill-fitted for independent thought,
Near you, my mind remains locked and my teeth bite on blocks of gauze,
May no word escape me.

I'm captivated by the red hues that possess the room,
In the center of a throbbing heart
The sight of apple peel and red wine,
I kneel,
Worshiping the white sun that shines through new velvet curtains,
Gifting me the painful landscape.

I wondered if, indeed, I had been placed as some old plaster card in a fist-sized heart,
In my newfound home, I believed this was the wounded heart of the world,
I happened to be drenched in blood, as more of it rushed into my nostrils,
Eyelids shut, mouth sewn,
Can't keep the blood at bay.

I Write,
I throw meaningless symbols,
As they land on a legal pad, I crumble,
At the sight of a powerful landscape,
Destruction. My desire,
I want a sharp "t" cutting my throat,
I long to fasten an "l" around my arm,
To tug the remaining sides,
To infuse myself with the ink of a big "o,"
To grab the "g" of a "good night,"
To steal all words from the eternal white sun,
To never let go,
I want them all,
Written on my body.

Drop the coin,
I said tails; heads now.

I know, I changed,
My mind, etched.

No. I'm heads now,
May you, my dear, be tails,
Wrap them around my neck,
Trap the flowing river in me,
**** me at once. Let me die,
For I am life. Death in flesh.

I'd be a fool if I suffered for love,
I'd be a fool if I listened too closely
To your stern voice,
To your demands.