Dreams ****
Because you can have a dream
Where a boy kisses you
And you really, really like that boy in real life
Just to wake up
And realize that he didn't actually sleep over
He didn't actually post a video of you guys kissing for the first time on YouTube (?)
You were just
Dreaming

-E (c) 2017

I'm sorry that I look away every time I catch your glance
But I got hurt so badly the last time I took a chance
I know it sounds cliche but I can't fall into your trance
I can't allow myself to be anything more than an acquaintance

But you're so beautiful
So beautiful
And if I wasn't so ****** I probably could love you
If you wanted me to
You're so beautiful

And love at first sight might not be love at all
I know you have my number, but you probably won't call
The anticipation's enough to make my flesh crawl
I've never felt so tiny, no I've never felt so small

But you're so beautiful
So beautiful
And if you weren't across the room I could probably love you
If you wanted me to
Because you're so beautiful

And I love you
Yes I love you
Your eyes are kind and large
I have to fight the urge
To walk over
I won't walk over

-E (c) 2017

I found myself hugging my closet this morning
I got up, walked over to her, stood in front of her and stuck my hands between some things hanging,
Put my cheek against the cold plastic of the hangers, and it felt right

Now this sounds strange
But something became quite clear to me when I felt like my closet was hugging back
It's not the things you wear, it's how you wear them
My closet loves me because I wear my clothes freely
I never wore them to please anyone else
That's why when he told me he wanted me to wear something else I said, "No."
Because my fashion is a part of me and it has been
Whether I was in the fourth grade, wearing my lily pad skort, pink Mary Janes and a neon green top
Or in college,
Unapologetically sporting my baggy white tee, ripped jeans, Birkenstocks and socks
I will not submit to you

My clothes love me back because I am not afraid
My closet hugs me back because she knows that I will never again let a man tell me
"That's ugly."
My fashion is my power.
Let it ring from every tower, you will not tell me what I can put on this body ever again
My body is my temple, and it was not built on your land so you can
Shove it

-E (c) 2017

You wanted to hold me
but you can’t.

You’re like my version of Edward Scissorhands.

Everytime you try to hold me,
your blades get in the way.

I bled.

My hands were wounded deep.
That’s what I got
for trying to cling onto you.

I didn't mind the damage.
I thought I was numb enough
to hold on to you
but I was just hurting myself.

You’re scared.

Not because you inflict pain to others.
You’re afraid to see
how people bled for you


and that’s what hurts you too.

A smile curving at the End of your lips,
Satin hands
Melting all I wish to say, into action
Quick to escape my mouth,
Are the inner pleas, to your attentive ear
Plush bodies forming intangible communion
Seeking through deep stares and nervous laughter
When we finally meet,
My soul Shakes.

Words of wax plastered to the center of my chest
Ripping it off like a bandaid
won't relieve the pain sticking to my skin, no.
No Alleviation for the unkind words
Seeping doubt further into my fragile spirit
Your need to feel superior
Are Fists crushing pedals
To draw out the Fine essence of who is made from them
Stealing sweet floral scent that never belonged to the consumer.
You're a moth in the Butterfly Garden,
Trying to reflect light with grey scale wings.
Deceptive practices, to make believe
That I bend at your will,
And will leave your mark as a branding to flaunt.
I will not Break.

Okay lang, isa pa
Papatawarin din naman kita

Under the stars that knew no judgement
We danced on sands
We had forever been taught
Would burn our curious feet,
Dipped our toes into banned oceans.
Born again
Into a world without restrictions
Lifted veils on new dimensions
We had forever been taught
We were not supposed to see.

My love,
I've never felt more brave nor more proud
Swimming in these waters with you
When everything we'd ever known
Forbid all but steady ground.

The way you left
Was more than I ever needed to know.
Ammunition enough to baracade myself from you
For eternity
And more.
So why does my heart still act like a bird
I've locked in a cage,
Stolen from its home.
Relentlessly whispering
That one day it will escape,
Find it's way back to you.