I want to get drunk and love you, I want to hold on to you tightly like my grip on a pint, I want my rose coloured glasses to take on a blurry film because you started to shatter my lenses. You're coming through loud and clear and if I don't love you now I fear I never will. So I'll take a swig and pour you a glass chug my ***** with a chase of your body and perhaps all your flaws will become beautiful again. I want to get drunk and let my feelings spill off my tongue until the only way to shut me up is to kiss me. I want to be drunk when you tell me you "love" me, or that I'm "the one", because lies taste sour and the tequilas gone so what's the use. Your bitter affection tastes sweet when it's swallowed after *** and a twisted tea is better than a twisted heart so let's get drunk and fall back in love for a bit, when we wake up hungover we'll wait until we're sober and then we'll fight again. Take my word, you'll need a shot, because when I'm leaving you'll wish I were drunk so I would love you.

Finding somebody who gets you entirely is rare. Sometimes that person is called your soulmate, I call her my best friend; and though the distinction is clear it aches to watch her drive away. Love, can be selfish or it can be kind. To me it is a pulling of the heart, removing it from my body out my throat. I want only the best for her and I hope she can hear the love coming off my tongue like a slip and slide. Watching her drive away reminds me that my utter adoration for her is not always best for her; though that doesn't make me feel better, that doesn't quiet the voice inside my head as it screams "stay!" "stay!" "stay!", closing the door and crying until my face is coated in mascara does not ease reality. Nothing can change my heart: it fights to escape, to be heard among the goodbyes and countdowns, to argue the facts, to simply whisper "take me with you". Because it knows she cannot stay, but also, that there's an emptiness without her. My heart knows the distinction between best friend and soulmate, and my heart knows she is as rare as they come. I know she is irreplaceable and one of the best parts of this life, and I know it's almost desperate how much I need her by my side. But where ever she goes, I pray she won't leave me behind. Even if I am only a book, please, take me with you.

I have spent my life stumbling over the same mistakes generations of the people around me made clear I should not make. I know now that though this life is hard: this life is good. And I believe it more than ever because I hear it in the music of her words and the smile on her face and I can't help but be excited to raise the new humans and prepare them for the race. They will know life is not always winning because that's always tripped me up, I will show them simple victories like learning to persevere through the hard things. So when they find themselves making my mistakes they will know its okay to walk away and that they never have to justify why they didn't stay because no person will ever be reason enough to cut yourself open and beg to be loved. In the distant future along the fading sun I can tell my life is far from over and in fact it's hardly begun, my life has started and stopped though the world has never waited and I've questioned how we've come into existence and I've existentially debated but I'm aware now, more than ever, I love. I love deeply and passionately and violently it's true, and someday that will be enough for somebody and they'll return the feeling with real meaning and together we will fight the blackness that has threatened us and create a fire in our chests that burns brightest when we're together so if we ever get lost in the black hole we can find each other's lights and be drawn to each other's warmth and this fire will never be extinguished. Like wildfire, we'll let it spread, share it with our family, our children, our friends. This someday life will one day be in my hands because I've found a sturdy balance and stopped stumbling and instead learned. Even when life hurts there are worse things than being burned.